I'll start with the backstory. My (37F) sons dad (40M) and I were together a long time. 7 years ago, he had been having an affair and left me to marry someone 14 years younger. He had also cheated on me with lots of other women prior to that. Our son was almost 2 at the time that his dad left. Over the course of a few years, it was really ugly between the 3 of us. Eventually things cooled off with time. Fast forward to over a year ago, my ex split from his wife and they eventually got a divorce, which was also an ugly string of events. Including the house they were renting, was foreclosed on. He moved in with his best friend. Then just this past summer (of 2020), his best friend up and sold his house pretty quickly, so now my ex was homeless. He scrambled to try to find a place to live. During the events of my ex discovering the house he was living in, was being sold, my son (almost 9 now) somehow unfortunately caught wind of this. My son became very upset and worried about his dad. Which no child should ever have to do. It broke my heart to see my son so upset and asking whats going to happen to his dad. So I talked to my ex and said I would be willing to help him out, to give him a temporary roof over his head. I told him I expected him to actively look for a place to live and I would like him out sometime around August. So he moved into my basement. In full transparency, I mustered up the courage to go tell my parents that he was going to be staying temporarily. Well my dad wasn't there, so I wound up just telling my mom. Which I now regret not having my dad present for at the time. (
I'll explain)
Real quick: My mom (63F) has had mental health issues most of her life. My dad (70M) has not. He's the best, easy going, cool, calm guy/dad anyone could ask for. My parents have been married 45 years. I'm sure anyone can guess that my parents absolutely abhor my ex. Lol. For the longest time they were scared shitless that I would get back together with him. They finally got it through their heads that that would never happen. Also, the deed to my house is in my dads name. I have been paying the mortgage for the past 8 years.
So I told my mom what was up and why. She shockingly took it well. And I told her that I said I expect him to be out by sometime in August. I should have known better and qued in more to her saying things like "Okay so only like a month or two." Or "Well its okay. I'm telling you it's okay. Are you surprised I'm taking this so well?" Which eventually really meant "he can only be there a month maybe two" and "I give you permission"
July comes around and I think her wandering thoughts started to get the best of her. Out of the blue she starts flipping out on me about him not having moved out yet. We got into a huge fight. Which resulted in my dad playing referee. Both my parents absolutely wanted him out. And I kept saying "SO DO I". They just couldn't wrap their heads around my decision to help my sons dad out. Of course, I owe him nothing. What I was concerned about and thinking about #1 was my son. Theres no denying my son and his dad have a bond. His dad would sacrifice his life for him. Over and over, my mom would go into raging, bawling fits about all the awful things my ex did to me in the past. All the financial troubles he had caused me. All the awful things his ex wife had done to try to make me miserable. There was just no reasoning with her. So my ex was lucky to find a storage garage. He wasn't able to fit his bed or any extra clothing into storage. So I agreed he could keep the bed and spare clothes downstairs and in the garage. For a couple weeks he was couch surfing. During that time, he started seeing a girl and started to stay with her. Then on August 10th (here in Iowa) a huge derecho storm hit us very badly. It devastated the city and towns around us. It was like a tornado and a hurricane had swept through at the same time. Anyway, he had been staying with the girl he was seeing for a couple months. Since the storm hit, it was very hard for him to find a place to live. He also wound up losing his job, from a family mowing company, because their business/equipment took a hit from the storm. For awhile he was doing whatever he could, going around town to find places to hire him for storm clean up. A few weeks ago, that type of work died down. Now just two weeks ago, he decided things weren't working out with him and the girl he was seeing. So he went back to couch surfing and stayed at my place a couple times. Well, my mom found out about this. She put 2 + 2 together by something my son said. That same night, just a couple weeks ago, she came over to "deliver some donuts" to my son... at 8 freaking PM. My sons bed time. I instantly knew when she walked right through the door without knocking, she was pissed about something. She casually asked a couple questions to my son, as though she was playing stupid. Then started directly asking questions if my ex had been staying here, right in front of my son. I just glared at her, not responding, because I REFUSED to discuss her issues about my sons dad right in front of him 
My son walked off into his room. I then quietly started to explain to her what happened recently, and we are not going to "do this" with my son in the house. I told her she needed to leave and we can discuss this tomorrow. She instantly snapped "I don't have to leave! I own this house!!" She marched downstairs, I assumed to confront my ex and scope things out. Fine, whatever, I wasn't going to stop her from saying a few words to my ex. About 4 minutes goes by and I realize, it's WAY too quiet down there. I go down there and was in absolute disbelief... she had taken every single belonging he had left and just destroyed the entire downstairs. I'd had a small leak in my laundry room. She took his bed covers, threw it in the water sopping it all up, and threw it around the room. Anything that was liquid in a glass, cup or bottle, she emptied it onto his mattress. Which she had drug into the middle of the room to destroy. Anything that was a drawer, she opened it and threw its contents all over the room. Including anything that was mine, that had already been there. (I have a very very nice finished basement.) She took water glasses, thrown them across the room and smashed them. Which I had only begun to hear once I first made my way downstairs (FYI I'm 50 percent deaf. I wasn't wearing my hearing aids). I was just stunned and said "what the hell are you doing!? Stop it!!!!" She starts yelling "that asshole can destroy my life and my family's life, I can destroy his shit!" I said "MOM no you can't!! You have got to leave. You are out of control." Right when she was yelling "IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!" she somehow found an expensive tube of medicinal quality icy hot stuff that was mine, emptying it into his mattress and smearing it all over. I grabbed it out of her hands and said "STOP THAT!! Thats mine!!!" A second later, she had a 12" screw driver in her hand, stabbing his mattress, flailing it all around trying to destroy anything she could. She was yelling random hysterics at that point. I stopped her and took the screwdriver from her, because I was afraid she was going to accidentally impale herself or me. No matter how raged she was, I know my mom would never physically try to hurt me. Obviously I just needed to get her to stop and get her out of the house. I again told her "you have to go." She kept refusing. I said "either you go or I call the cops". She said she's not going. I firmly grabbed her by the arm and pulled, "come on you have got to go. You cannot do this, especially with B (my son) in the house." The shoved me backwards and screamed "HIT ME!!! JUST GO ON FUCKING HIT ME!!!" Y'all... I don't know how I held it together without breaking down bawling. The fact that my mom thought I would hit her, that hurt so badly. I said "You have lost your damn mind and you need to get out of here now!!" So I once again grabbed her, pulling her towards the doorway. She starts to fight back at me. So I did what I absolutely had to do, unless I called the cops. I had to grab her by both shoulders, pick her up and walk her up the stairs to my front door. She clearly forgot how strong I am and looked at me like HOLY SHIT but then started fighting at me once I got to the top of the stairs. I just kept grabbing her hands to make her stop. Then I opened my front door and she kept hanging onto the door, refusing to leave. I grabbed her by the arm and shoulders and had to physically drag her outside, as best as I could without really hurting her. I got her outside, she was standing and she let go. She's 63 years old, I'm not going to throw her onto the ground or let her fall. I got back inside, locked my front doors and just fell to the ground sobbing in disbelief that I just had to drag my mom out of my house like that. Moments later, she's screaming through the door "I'm selling the fucking house!!!! I am done with you!!! I'm going to call the cops and press charges on you for man handling me!!!" I slightly opened the door and said "if you call the cops, you are the one going to jail!!!!" She leaves and goes home. My son comes out crying. "Why does Nana want to sell our house? I love our house and I love my bedroom. I don't want to move anywhere. Why does she hate my dad so much!?" Again, I broke down in tears and held back the rage I felt, because my son is now affected by this. I get my son to bed and tucked in. Both of my parents call me about an hour later. Of course my mom is still hysterical. My dad is trying to calm her down. He was pretty pissed she came over and did that. Also really pissed at me for "lying this whole time". I explained how my ex really had left, was couch surfing and living with a girl for awhile until just recent. They wouldn't believe me. "You've lied so much in the past! We don't trust you!!!" I said "You're damn right I have and this is the exact reason why I have!! Mom just proved the reason why!!! I came to you in full confidence and transparency about the temporary arrangement I agreed to, knowing the chances of mom losing her shit!! I'm tired of walking on eggshells!!" Then my mom goes off about how she said "I told you he could only stay there a month!! I gave you my blessing and you lied!" I said "I am 37 fucking years old and NOT ONCE did I ever ask for your permission!!! I TOLD you what was going to happen. And you are twisting the dialogue to your favor because you have to try to control everything I do, any time you get a chance, when you are mad at me!" I kept trying to bring up my #1 concern, that the very reason I wanted her to leave, was because B was present at home and under no circumstances should he ever be privy to adult issues. Especially about his own father. My mom continues to rage in the background... "I'm going to make you look at these bruises! You need to see what you did to me!!" My dad snapped back at her "You are damn lucky she didn't call the cops S, because you would have been the one going to jail!! You should know our daughter had enough wits about her and didn't want her mother to go to jail!!!!" We argued back and forth. I finally had to end the conversation because it wasn't getting anywhere and I was exhausted. The next day (I work for my dad) he thanked me for not calling the cops. He understood why I did what I did. I told him it broke my heart having to do that to her. He said "I can imagine."
Over the course of the following week, it was text after belligerent text (my mom) to both me and my ex. Both my parents were demanding he be out by the end of the week. Ex immediately started to make arrangements to find a place to stay. The next day, one of his best friends committed suicide and he had to handle that. He went to be with his friends family and their group of friends. The funeral was that weekend. My parents still continued to hound him about moving asap. I said "just give him a day or two, M just committed suicide." Then they got upset at me for standing up for my ex My ex sent texts back saying "I hold residency, because I get my mail here.. you can't just come in, tear peoples shit up or drag it out." It wound up escalating to the point where my parents said they are going to draw up eviction papers, me included.
I'm just at a loss. Yes, my ex is still here and I have told him he has to GO. I was patient for the following week because M committed suicide. I'm going to attempt again today, to tell him he has to leave.
Any advice, words of encouragement... ANYTHING... I'd appreciate. Has anyone else gone through something like this!? I think my ex just needs to find housing assistance or some sort of program that is willing to help him out. I've done enough. Any pointers or tips in that regard, I'll take that to. We are in Iowa FYI.
I just want my normal life back.
I'll explain) Real quick: My mom (63F) has had mental health issues most of her life. My dad (70M) has not. He's the best, easy going, cool, calm guy/dad anyone could ask for. My parents have been married 45 years. I'm sure anyone can guess that my parents absolutely abhor my ex. Lol. For the longest time they were scared shitless that I would get back together with him. They finally got it through their heads that that would never happen. Also, the deed to my house is in my dads name. I have been paying the mortgage for the past 8 years.
So I told my mom what was up and why. She shockingly took it well. And I told her that I said I expect him to be out by sometime in August. I should have known better and qued in more to her saying things like "Okay so only like a month or two." Or "Well its okay. I'm telling you it's okay. Are you surprised I'm taking this so well?" Which eventually really meant "he can only be there a month maybe two" and "I give you permission"
July comes around and I think her wandering thoughts started to get the best of her. Out of the blue she starts flipping out on me about him not having moved out yet. We got into a huge fight. Which resulted in my dad playing referee. Both my parents absolutely wanted him out. And I kept saying "SO DO I". They just couldn't wrap their heads around my decision to help my sons dad out. Of course, I owe him nothing. What I was concerned about and thinking about #1 was my son. Theres no denying my son and his dad have a bond. His dad would sacrifice his life for him. Over and over, my mom would go into raging, bawling fits about all the awful things my ex did to me in the past. All the financial troubles he had caused me. All the awful things his ex wife had done to try to make me miserable. There was just no reasoning with her. So my ex was lucky to find a storage garage. He wasn't able to fit his bed or any extra clothing into storage. So I agreed he could keep the bed and spare clothes downstairs and in the garage. For a couple weeks he was couch surfing. During that time, he started seeing a girl and started to stay with her. Then on August 10th (here in Iowa) a huge derecho storm hit us very badly. It devastated the city and towns around us. It was like a tornado and a hurricane had swept through at the same time. Anyway, he had been staying with the girl he was seeing for a couple months. Since the storm hit, it was very hard for him to find a place to live. He also wound up losing his job, from a family mowing company, because their business/equipment took a hit from the storm. For awhile he was doing whatever he could, going around town to find places to hire him for storm clean up. A few weeks ago, that type of work died down. Now just two weeks ago, he decided things weren't working out with him and the girl he was seeing. So he went back to couch surfing and stayed at my place a couple times. Well, my mom found out about this. She put 2 + 2 together by something my son said. That same night, just a couple weeks ago, she came over to "deliver some donuts" to my son... at 8 freaking PM. My sons bed time. I instantly knew when she walked right through the door without knocking, she was pissed about something. She casually asked a couple questions to my son, as though she was playing stupid. Then started directly asking questions if my ex had been staying here, right in front of my son. I just glared at her, not responding, because I REFUSED to discuss her issues about my sons dad right in front of him My son walked off into his room. I then quietly started to explain to her what happened recently, and we are not going to "do this" with my son in the house. I told her she needed to leave and we can discuss this tomorrow. She instantly snapped "I don't have to leave! I own this house!!" She marched downstairs, I assumed to confront my ex and scope things out. Fine, whatever, I wasn't going to stop her from saying a few words to my ex. About 4 minutes goes by and I realize, it's WAY too quiet down there. I go down there and was in absolute disbelief... she had taken every single belonging he had left and just destroyed the entire downstairs. I'd had a small leak in my laundry room. She took his bed covers, threw it in the water sopping it all up, and threw it around the room. Anything that was liquid in a glass, cup or bottle, she emptied it onto his mattress. Which she had drug into the middle of the room to destroy. Anything that was a drawer, she opened it and threw its contents all over the room. Including anything that was mine, that had already been there. (I have a very very nice finished basement.) She took water glasses, thrown them across the room and smashed them. Which I had only begun to hear once I first made my way downstairs (FYI I'm 50 percent deaf. I wasn't wearing my hearing aids). I was just stunned and said "what the hell are you doing!? Stop it!!!!" She starts yelling "that asshole can destroy my life and my family's life, I can destroy his shit!" I said "MOM no you can't!! You have got to leave. You are out of control." Right when she was yelling "IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!" she somehow found an expensive tube of medicinal quality icy hot stuff that was mine, emptying it into his mattress and smearing it all over. I grabbed it out of her hands and said "STOP THAT!! Thats mine!!!" A second later, she had a 12" screw driver in her hand, stabbing his mattress, flailing it all around trying to destroy anything she could. She was yelling random hysterics at that point. I stopped her and took the screwdriver from her, because I was afraid she was going to accidentally impale herself or me. No matter how raged she was, I know my mom would never physically try to hurt me. Obviously I just needed to get her to stop and get her out of the house. I again told her "you have to go." She kept refusing. I said "either you go or I call the cops". She said she's not going. I firmly grabbed her by the arm and pulled, "come on you have got to go. You cannot do this, especially with B (my son) in the house." The shoved me backwards and screamed "HIT ME!!! JUST GO ON FUCKING HIT ME!!!" Y'all... I don't know how I held it together without breaking down bawling. The fact that my mom thought I would hit her, that hurt so badly. I said "You have lost your damn mind and you need to get out of here now!!" So I once again grabbed her, pulling her towards the doorway. She starts to fight back at me. So I did what I absolutely had to do, unless I called the cops. I had to grab her by both shoulders, pick her up and walk her up the stairs to my front door. She clearly forgot how strong I am and looked at me like HOLY SHIT but then started fighting at me once I got to the top of the stairs. I just kept grabbing her hands to make her stop. Then I opened my front door and she kept hanging onto the door, refusing to leave. I grabbed her by the arm and shoulders and had to physically drag her outside, as best as I could without really hurting her. I got her outside, she was standing and she let go. She's 63 years old, I'm not going to throw her onto the ground or let her fall. I got back inside, locked my front doors and just fell to the ground sobbing in disbelief that I just had to drag my mom out of my house like that. Moments later, she's screaming through the door "I'm selling the fucking house!!!! I am done with you!!! I'm going to call the cops and press charges on you for man handling me!!!" I slightly opened the door and said "if you call the cops, you are the one going to jail!!!!" She leaves and goes home. My son comes out crying. "Why does Nana want to sell our house? I love our house and I love my bedroom. I don't want to move anywhere. Why does she hate my dad so much!?" Again, I broke down in tears and held back the rage I felt, because my son is now affected by this. I get my son to bed and tucked in. Both of my parents call me about an hour later. Of course my mom is still hysterical. My dad is trying to calm her down. He was pretty pissed she came over and did that. Also really pissed at me for "lying this whole time". I explained how my ex really had left, was couch surfing and living with a girl for awhile until just recent. They wouldn't believe me. "You've lied so much in the past! We don't trust you!!!" I said "You're damn right I have and this is the exact reason why I have!! Mom just proved the reason why!!! I came to you in full confidence and transparency about the temporary arrangement I agreed to, knowing the chances of mom losing her shit!! I'm tired of walking on eggshells!!" Then my mom goes off about how she said "I told you he could only stay there a month!! I gave you my blessing and you lied!" I said "I am 37 fucking years old and NOT ONCE did I ever ask for your permission!!! I TOLD you what was going to happen. And you are twisting the dialogue to your favor because you have to try to control everything I do, any time you get a chance, when you are mad at me!" I kept trying to bring up my #1 concern, that the very reason I wanted her to leave, was because B was present at home and under no circumstances should he ever be privy to adult issues. Especially about his own father. My mom continues to rage in the background... "I'm going to make you look at these bruises! You need to see what you did to me!!" My dad snapped back at her "You are damn lucky she didn't call the cops S, because you would have been the one going to jail!! You should know our daughter had enough wits about her and didn't want her mother to go to jail!!!!" We argued back and forth. I finally had to end the conversation because it wasn't getting anywhere and I was exhausted. The next day (I work for my dad) he thanked me for not calling the cops. He understood why I did what I did. I told him it broke my heart having to do that to her. He said "I can imagine." Over the course of the following week, it was text after belligerent text (my mom) to both me and my ex. Both my parents were demanding he be out by the end of the week. Ex immediately started to make arrangements to find a place to stay. The next day, one of his best friends committed suicide and he had to handle that. He went to be with his friends family and their group of friends. The funeral was that weekend. My parents still continued to hound him about moving asap. I said "just give him a day or two, M just committed suicide." Then they got upset at me for standing up for my ex
My ex sent texts back saying "I hold residency, because I get my mail here.. you can't just come in, tear peoples shit up or drag it out." It wound up escalating to the point where my parents said they are going to draw up eviction papers, me included. I'm just at a loss. Yes, my ex is still here and I have told him he has to GO. I was patient for the following week because M committed suicide. I'm going to attempt again today, to tell him he has to leave.
Any advice, words of encouragement... ANYTHING... I'd appreciate. Has anyone else gone through something like this!? I think my ex just needs to find housing assistance or some sort of program that is willing to help him out. I've done enough. Any pointers or tips in that regard, I'll take that to. We are in Iowa FYI.
I just want my normal life back.
!