Help me wean my baby and release guilt

[arisemydarling]

@annyfins Oh sweet Mama, I am so sorry you had such a drastically different experience than you planned for and expected to have. This is such a tender time and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Everything you're feeling is valid. I, too, had a similar experience with birth and am only now working through it 15months postpartum. I'm so proud of you for reaching out to people and this sub, I hope you're proud of yourself as well! The most important thing is to figure out what works best for YOUR family, don't worry about what anyone else says. What makes you healthy and happy makes you a better mom to your sweet little one and that will make them healthy and happy. You are doing a great job!

In regard to milk supply, I know that earth mama makes a tea that helps lower supply, the name is currently escaping me but I know it's on their website! Maybe check out Earthley as well, they may have a tincture that helps too (not sure)

 

[katrina2017]

@annyfins I didn’t have the midwife experience but I did have an emergency c section and similarly a baby who didn’t latch well. I tried and tried but ultimately I never produced enough for my baby and once I switched to formula we BOTH got so much more rest, it was a miracle. My advice to wean is to take a lot of hot showers and hand express enough to reduce the engorgement but not fully drain them. Cabbage leaves in your bra works well (you will smell like cabbage for a few days lol). Avoid foods that increase milk production.

 

[justified4ever]

@annyfins Ugh I also had mastitis multiple times and constant clogged ducts. My partner got really good at sucking the clogs out and helped save me from even more urgent care trips, but eventually I just had to call it. I went on a lot longer than I should have, and the sanity I regained from weaning made me wish I had done it sooner.

I think my LO wasn’t the most efficient nurser which was causing the constant clogs, so I started weaning with:
- cold cabbage leaves I kept in the fridge and would put them in my bra (make sure to wash them because of E. coli).
- excessive amounts of peppermint tea
- happened to get sick at the same time so I took Sudafed which is also known to decrease supply (normally wouldn’t cause of granola feelings but I was desperate and in a foreign country)
- slowly increased the time between pumping so I could go longer periods without getting engorged, and would limit the pumping session so my body got the cue that I needed less milk. Then I would feed him bottles alternating between BM & formula as my supply dwindled (we went with bobbie but there are other organic ones i’ve seen recommended)

There’s also CaboCreme you can buy online for topical use that essentially does what the cabbage leaves do, and a pill you can get prescribed that can more quickly reduce your supply. I was abroad and couldn’t access those methods fast enough so didn’t try, but I also had mixed feelings about completely cutting off my supply and wanted to do it slowly.

****important!! Take one last photo of you nursing your LO for memories sake :’)

 

[annmarkerls]

@annyfins Please give yourself such grace. you have been through so much. You did the right thing and your baby is here now and so are you. Its okay to be disapointed. But I am so so proud of you and how you've handled a very tough situation. I have had mastitis and I needed to have my breast surgically drained. I highly recommend sunflower lecithin. Once I started that, I never had a clog again. Also, yes, to more water than you think you need. Dehydration is no joke. When I was ready to wean, I used cold (washed) cabbage leaves in my bra, and lots of peppermint. You can have altoids, gum and tea. Also as others have mentioned, sudafed will dry you up and honestly, I'd go for it. You've been though so much, so I'd take it to see if it can help. Please know that weaning at any time, can bring on PPD or PPA. It did for me, and I weaned over a period of 1 month. You're an amazing mom who was brave and did the right thing to make sure you birthed a live baby. Your mental health is more important than some breastfeeding ideal we might have in our heads. At a certain point, I hated breastfeeding. It did not bring me joy and I would cry when my husband brought my baby to me. Thats when I knew things had to change. Give yourself permission to use formula. Your baby is still very much yours and loves you like no one else can. You are not defeated, you are moving on to the next challange, which is raising a littel human! You got this

 

[ellyflowers]

@annyfins My best friend had extreme issues nursing with non stop mastitis. Should could not dry up until she took a medication that is actually for Parkinson’s disease. Cabergoline. It’s off label unfortunately but if you plead, hopefully your doctors will help you. There are side effects like it could cause suicidal ideation and shouldn’t be taken long term but it works quick. Also huge amounts of Altoids were helpful. Start with that asap!

My friend’s daughter is 6 now and so brilliant! She also seems to get sick less than her peers. Formula was fine for her. Without nursing, you can still hold your baby to your chest and cuddle and gaze into their eyes. Her daughter is particularly cuddly and cozy obsessed. They have a beautiful relationship. So well attached.

Everything will be ok as long as you’re physically and mentally healthy.

I’m so sorry you’ve had these extreme issues. May your baby be chill and everything get easier.

 

[ellyflowers]

also Sudafed!!!

 

[lionheartiv]

@ellyflowers I breastfed for a long time and when I finally said fuck this I had a cold and the little angel bit me! Sudafed for my cold and earplugs for the protesting kid

 

[starchysocks]

@annyfins I have had two babies, one was an induction that ended in CS and my second was a scheduled C-section. My first had a tongue tie, we did the release and the exercises, and it still ended up reattaching. My supply never really developed. I triple fed for three months out of stubbornness. When my second had cow milk protein allergy and I also have high lipase milk, so pumping wasnt sufficient and required being steamed before freezing. before calling it quits.

Despite not having the granola humble beginnings I wanted, my kids are beautiful, smart, happy, enthusiastic babies. They're doing great. It's hard not to still wonder if I couldn't have done more, but there's no knowing that doing anything else would have helped any either.

We can put ourselves through endless torture trying to make it work. Breastfeeding is an incredible gift and has some benefits, but your baby needs so much more from you than just milk. It's ok to feed formula and be there for your baby with cuddles, butt pats, snuggles, boops and kisses, and so much more.

Final thoughts: everyone weans eventually. It's sucks and you are absolutely allowed to grieve that it happened sooner than later, but you will have to process these emotions of weaning eventually. And they are tricky, jaggery, raw feelings. You'll get through it. And you'll enjoy your baby more without the intense pressure to do something you can't. Hang in there, mama.

 

[marknjohson]

@starchysocks Sorry to go off topic but - What made you decide to schedule a c section with your second?

My first baby was an unmedicated vaginal birth and with the second I had a scheduled c section because he was breech. I really disliked the c section and I’m still having some pain 3 months later. I wanted another baby but feeling nervous about the idea of having to go through another c section. But I’ve heard other c section moms who have said they just went ahead and scheduled one for their next baby and I wanted to know why.

 

[starchysocks]

@marknjohson Babiesafter35 had some useful information: https://www.babiesafter35.com/articles/vbac-a-valid-option-for-your-delivery

As I have a number of risk factors (advanced age, previous IVF, etc.) I was considering a 39 week induction for my 2nd, and my induction with my first didn't go well (he was turned in the canal and having decels, ended in c-section) so I just wanted to avoid repeating all the stress and pain when I'd probably end up having a c-section anyway. I also planned on having my tubes tied (which I'm so glad I did, it's been a relief). I also know some people with very late term tragedies from birth experiences and I wanted to do it the way that seemed lowest risk. I also liked knowing and having control over when baby girl would get here. Scheduling her c-section just made sense to me. It was a very controlled and regimented process and while I did feel more than with my first one I consider both to have been positive experiences.

 

[upturn]

@annyfins Release that guilt. Nutritionally formula and breast milk are the same. You’ll find a formula you like and adjust to bottle feeding in no time. You and baby will both be happier

 

[keeley120]

@annyfins ETA Oops this was a reply to another comment

 

[patrickthian]

@annyfins For blocked ducts, sunflower lecithin and a handheld vibrating massager helped me. Also drinking lots of water - I underestimated this because you hear it so many times you kind of become deaf to it but truly, I think every time I had a blocked duct it was because I didn’t drink enough.

For weaning, try putting cold cabbage leafe on your chest - read up about it on la leche league but it is supposed to reduce milk supply and prevent mastitis. You could also drink and eat things that are supposed to reduce breast supply like mint tea.

 

[mochadiva]

@annyfins I don't have experience weaning yet. But my gosh, be gentle with yourself. You've tried harder than most of us, sometimes it just doesn't work and making yourself miserable trying to squeeze a square peg in a round hole is not doing yourself or your baby any favours. There is no significant difference between formula and breastfeeding, and any difference are seen in the first few weeks. You got your bub to 6 weeks, that is incredible! Let go of that guilt, your are feeding your baby, how the milk is produced is irrelevant. Try not to spend this ever so short season juggling guilt and regret, your baby is only this age once, grab a formula bottle and enjoy this time, these moments and those many firsts.

 

[philippian]

@annyfins I'm 15 months postpartum and had an almost identical birth and early motherhood experience to you, and I just want you to know that, first and foremost, it's okay to stop nursing. And all of the interventions you received at the hospital were also okay.

Secondly, it does get better. I'm so glad you're seeking therapy, my experience is that it truly does help to talk it over (a hundred times if you need to). Taking good care of yourself and being so intentional (I can tell just from how you wrote this that you're an absolutely stellar mom) is exactly the right road to feeling better.

My supply dipped nice and slowly when I switched to pumping and dropped one pump every 3 days. I was able to stop when I was down to 3 pumps a day because my supply got the hint, but you can also decrease pumping duration (20 mins to 15 to 10, etc.) if your supply really hangs on.

 

[andrew6297]

@annyfins You’re already such a wonderful mom for putting so much thought and care into every aspect of your LO’s life. It’s okay to stop. You already tried and tried and tried. It’s okay. I know it’s hard and you’ll think that you’re somehow doing them a disservice, but you’re not. You’ve already given your son so much with the amount you’ve provided.

I’ve been in your shoes. Wanted to do an unassisted, hospital birth for my son, but I developed pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I also had a placental abruption and he ended up being born prematurely via emergency c-section. I had been given fentanyl, an epidural, meds to prevent strokes from my high blood pressure, you name it. I felt like a failure, especially when I would walk to the NICU and would hear the babies with their moms in the other rooms. But I tried to do my best with the circumstances I was given. I never gave up because I had to be strong for him.

I’d definitely get the tongue tie assessed by a pediatric dentist. Mine had a severe upper lip tie and a mild tongue tie. He had latching issues too and had bad reflux. He had CMPA, so I didn’t know if that was causing the reflux, but when he got his ties lasered his reflux got a lot better.

 

[pamelamarie89]

@annyfins Sorry you’re getting more responses that basically amount to telling you to keep going. As someone that needed to wean quickly to be a better parent (low birth weight, tongue tie, no family support, etc) my best tips are sunflower lecithin, Cabocream, and herbal supplements specifically meant to reduce breast milk production like pink stork no flow or earth mama no more milk tea. Sending you hugs mama. There is so much more to being a great parent and baby developing than breastfeeding! It will be ok

 

[alvacam]

@annyfins Have you tried pumping? I pumped every 3 hrs for about 3-4 weeks then went to every 4 hrs. While I pumped I would hold my breasts and massage out the clogs with my thumbs / fingers. I gradually pumped less and less over time, completely stopping at 7 months.

I tried so hard to nurse, my baby just never took to it. It didn’t help that I only learned she had a lip tie when she was 4 months. I switched lactation consultants and the new one suggested the way my baby’s cheeks were shaped it likely meant a tie.

If you just want to totally stop - which is FINE! Take ibuprofen to help with the swelling and only hand express a little bit, not too much. My doula gave me an herbal salve that was for drying up supply. The cabbage leaves and Sudafed things I think are BS. It may take a while for production to totally stop but the engorgement should go away within 2 days of only hand expressing a tiny bit. If there any signs of a clog - go to a doc, don’t wait for the infection to get bad. Depending on where you are you may be able to find a network of lactation consultants to help advise you through the process.

Hang in there Mama. First couple months are really hard. I think after about 8 weeks things get a lot easier.

 

[saatnya66]

@annyfins Your experience sounds very similar to mine, except I only labored at home for 38 hours and gave birth after hour 49 (epidural at 45; your comb comment made me laugh because, relatable). I have had one of the worst BF journeys my IBCLC has ever seen, they had no advice left. Anyway, my baby is organically choosing the bottled milk over my boob now and I read online you can take Benadryl or Sudafed to shut things down in like a week. I’m about to do this soon myself. Some people recommend doing this under your doctor’s supervision, it seems a lot of moms have done it regardless and it’s pretty safe. If you want a more organic route, my IBCLC suggested peppermint tea. Sunflower lecithin for the clog prevention like some have suggested, and also happy ducts serum on Amazon helped me with my last blebs! Good luck girl, it’s super hard to BF and go through turmoil like this pp and good for you for even trying.

Edit: also, don’t let anyone guilt you to keep going. Most (kind) mothers will tell you that if they BF, it’s because it was easier for them. Sometimes it isn’t the most natural thing in the world like we imagined and that’s okay too. I wish more people made it feel that way. Most moms would have quit for what you’re going through and after all your efforts, it’s NOT called quitting.