@darcycat1 This is the way. I know it's hard for some women to give up night feedings but letting dad formula feed for at least one night feeding is the only way to get enough sleep which is the key to sanity.
Has anyone been a SAHM during the day while husband is at work and then gone to work in the evenings? How did it work out for you?
- Thread starter lesbian5eva
- Start date
@greg231 By the time I returned to work at 17 weeks my son had a 7pm bedtime that he fell asleep for that pretty well. I would put him down for a nap then head to work (husband WFH) so he really only had like 4 hrs of baby time by himself. I’d come home around midnight and my son would wake up to eat shortly after so that was fun. I was super consistent with our schedule and sleep trained (gently) to make sure this would go as smoothly and predictably as possible.
faithequals1
New member
@lesbian5eva I did for almost 3 years when I had my second kid, and it was great. I worked some evenings and every other weekend on call as a hospice nurse. It was great because my husband was the parent doing bedtime and had alone time with the kids every other weekend. We never had an issue with me being the preferred parent just because I was home more.
@lesbian5eva do itttt! so i got laid off from a really high paying job during covid and husband doesnt have insurance. i had to go work for starbucks to get healthcare (their healthcare was great, not gonna lie) and they required 12 hours/week to keep insurance. i basically did 4.30-8.30am, 3-4x week and had baby the rest of the time. the key thing is SLEEP. i napped when baby napped. housechores come second!
@lesbian5eva Are you my wife?
This is incredibly similar to my situation lol. Wife is also a therapist, she owns her own practice and only sees people via telehealth out of our home office. I work a standard 7-4 in a different industry.
The tough part is then you will miss out on the dinner/bed/bath routine (once your child is old enough to have a routine established) and then there will still be things to do at the end of the night after baby goes to sleep. I’ve got the bed/bath time thing down much better now (we just had our second in November of last year) but rarely was I able to get to bed before 10pm and being up at 5+however many wake ups during the night isn’t sustainable. Our 7 month old is not a good sleeper.
We actually found the routine that worked best for us was part time daycare. Kids go 3 days/week so my wife works 2 full days and a short day on the 3rd which gives some built in time for grocery shopping or errands and cleaning and we can all spend more time enjoying our weekends when we’re all home. She does still see 1 or 2 people in the evenings as she has clients that couldn’t switch to days, but all in all it’s working really well for us. She gets lots of time with the kids on the days she doesn’t work and we don’t spend too much of our weekends playing catch up from things during the week. Well, except for laundry lol.
This is incredibly similar to my situation lol. Wife is also a therapist, she owns her own practice and only sees people via telehealth out of our home office. I work a standard 7-4 in a different industry.
The tough part is then you will miss out on the dinner/bed/bath routine (once your child is old enough to have a routine established) and then there will still be things to do at the end of the night after baby goes to sleep. I’ve got the bed/bath time thing down much better now (we just had our second in November of last year) but rarely was I able to get to bed before 10pm and being up at 5+however many wake ups during the night isn’t sustainable. Our 7 month old is not a good sleeper.
We actually found the routine that worked best for us was part time daycare. Kids go 3 days/week so my wife works 2 full days and a short day on the 3rd which gives some built in time for grocery shopping or errands and cleaning and we can all spend more time enjoying our weekends when we’re all home. She does still see 1 or 2 people in the evenings as she has clients that couldn’t switch to days, but all in all it’s working really well for us. She gets lots of time with the kids on the days she doesn’t work and we don’t spend too much of our weekends playing catch up from things during the week. Well, except for laundry lol.
@trixee12 Thank you for sharing! I’m still on maternity leave, so no advice, but I’m in a similar situation to OP in that I work from 6-9pm.
Everyone on this site keeps saying that babies’ optimum sleep routine is to be done early, but I keep wondering to myself, “Can’t we just do it later?” Like my mom already does most of the bath time so I could miss that, but I wouldn’t want to miss the rest of the routine!
Life really does change when having a kid…
You’re saying having my husband wait for me isn’t a good idea unless he also gets an evening job, or he only works a few days in the morning.
Everyone on this site keeps saying that babies’ optimum sleep routine is to be done early, but I keep wondering to myself, “Can’t we just do it later?” Like my mom already does most of the bath time so I could miss that, but I wouldn’t want to miss the rest of the routine!
Life really does change when having a kid…
You’re saying having my husband wait for me isn’t a good idea unless he also gets an evening job, or he only works a few days in the morning.
missfit757
New member
@lesbian5eva I don’t do this, BUT: My husband watches the kiddo during the day while I work. Then, around 3:30/4, I take over, and he works 4-midnight.
It works really well for us and he loves it because he gets to spend so much more time with our pup.
We both mostly work from home, so that really helps too: on days I can get the pup to nap in the afternoon, I get more time to work.
On days I go into the office or have an event I need to attend, we get childcare for the afternoon/evening.
It works really well for us and he loves it because he gets to spend so much more time with our pup.
We both mostly work from home, so that really helps too: on days I can get the pup to nap in the afternoon, I get more time to work.
On days I go into the office or have an event I need to attend, we get childcare for the afternoon/evening.
rickybyrum
New member
@missfit757 Sorry this will bug me forever if I don't ask!
Do you call baby: pup? Or is there also a puppy in the house!
Good either way! Just my exhausted brain needing clarity
Do you call baby: pup? Or is there also a puppy in the house!
Good either way! Just my exhausted brain needing clarity
missfit757
New member
@rickybyrum I meant the toddler! Don’t think we could or would want to handle an actual puppy on top of everything else at this stage.
darongeorge
New member
@lesbian5eva Did it for 5 years (in patient psychiatric hospital, nights and weekends). It’s exhausting, it’s straining on the marriage, but it’s absolutely doable. Be sure to reach out to friends and family even to babysit in house so you two can nap.
@lesbian5eva I am also a therapist. To avoid infant daycare costs, I did one longer evening a week (2-8/9) and worked on Saturdays. It was rough early on because my EBF baby completely refused a bottle, so work hours were pretty miserable for my husband. My kid was a terrible sleeper and it was hard to be mentally present with clients. After my kid was on solid foods, I ended up doing more of an arrangement where I worked 2 longer weekdays and hired college students to babysit for the 4-5 hours between when I went to my office and when my husband got home from work. That was much more doable. I do know a number of moms who did a schedule like your proposal with young kids and made it work. Like anything with kids, I think you make plans and then pivot if it’s not working.
@jimi44 Also a therapist, and I saw clients one night and a few afternoons a week when I was just back from maternity leave. The night was AWFUL - I was so zonked I could barely stay awake. I ended up condensing all my clients into one day and doing a mega-day while my husband was home, which I preferred x1000. I’m normally a night person, but with a new baby, I was absolutely not.
theknightstemplar
New member
@lesbian5eva Haven’t seen this mentioned in the comments so far - it will be really important to meal plan over the weekends (or when LO naps) so you don’t have to cook on weeknights.
bellavoce7
New member
@lesbian5eva Absolutely sucks. When do you sleep?
katrina2017
New member
@lesbian5eva We did this when my kids were 2 and 5
The hard part was I never felt like I had a moment off from 6 am to 10 pm it was either working with kids or work at work. I found a gym with childcare and made sure to get my workouts in so I could have a little sanity time. Also without my evenings with hubby after the kids were in bed it was hard to connect.
Your schedule seems doable - but remember to build in those non-kid times.
The hard part was I never felt like I had a moment off from 6 am to 10 pm it was either working with kids or work at work. I found a gym with childcare and made sure to get my workouts in so I could have a little sanity time. Also without my evenings with hubby after the kids were in bed it was hard to connect.
Your schedule seems doable - but remember to build in those non-kid times.
deacondrew
New member
@lesbian5eva I’d try to get a sitter for a few hours every day so you aren’t fried for work.
@lesbian5eva I am a BCBA and have done this as many of my clients are in the evening (3-9pm, with 3-4hr sessions). I have complete control over my schedule within the clients session times.
I switched to part time about a year ago due to issues with our nanny and daycare waitlists being full. I have the kids (now 2 and 4) during the day and when my husband is done working, I go upstairs to my office and work.
I should also add that during COVID, when we both worked full time with no help due to lockdowns, we did a similar thing. I did almost of my schedule in the evening when he was done.
It’s been a year now of our current arrangement and it works for us. However, I agree with what others have said, if you are doing this with a newborn, you definitely need to have a plan for sleep and some self care. I find that’s my biggest struggle now. Daytime I have the kids and evening I work so I feel like I don’t really have any time to just sit. And I need to create that time (my husband is supportive of whatever I need too)
I switched to part time about a year ago due to issues with our nanny and daycare waitlists being full. I have the kids (now 2 and 4) during the day and when my husband is done working, I go upstairs to my office and work.
I should also add that during COVID, when we both worked full time with no help due to lockdowns, we did a similar thing. I did almost of my schedule in the evening when he was done.
It’s been a year now of our current arrangement and it works for us. However, I agree with what others have said, if you are doing this with a newborn, you definitely need to have a plan for sleep and some self care. I find that’s my biggest struggle now. Daytime I have the kids and evening I work so I feel like I don’t really have any time to just sit. And I need to create that time (my husband is supportive of whatever I need too)
beautygal123
New member
@lesbian5eva My mom did this when I was an infant. My dad would sleep in his recliner with me on his arm so by the time my mom got home I was wide awake and ready to play/eat again. It was wildly unfair. My mom got almost no sleep for a few years.