I am 4 days PP. Went into spontaneous labor Sunday at 37+2, had a 7 hour labor before it was time to push, pushed for 2 hours and he wouldn’t descend so we ended up having a c-section.
He had to be in the nicu for 2 hours after birth for some fluid in his lungs and then he was with us. He started having some labored breathing in the following days and they would take him to the nursery for evaluation and all his stats were good so he’d get sent back with us. Tuesday night the labored breathing started again but this time they took him to the nicu to be monitored. His o2 still looked great on the monitors, just looked very labored at times. We were told the next morning they were going to keep him another night just to be safe so I decided to stay an extra night as well. He did so well all day, no flare ups.. until around 6:30 pm we got the call his o2 was hovering around 87 so they put him on some oxygen. We were devastated now knowing he wasn’t going to come home with us the next day.
They tried to remove the o2 twice, once last night at 9 and then this morning at 10 and his oxygen just wasn’t staying up and had to be put back on. The doctor no longer thinks this is just a case of fluid from the c-section or just 37 weeker lungs so he got more tests today and iv antibiotics for possible infection.
We are just so upset. We never considered this in our birth experience. (Who does?) we don’t have any answers or end in sight and that is just devastating. Recovering from a major unplanned surgery and now trying to spend as much time in the nicu with no answers has been the hardest challenge of my life. I’ve always respected nicu parents but this gives such a huge perspective. This is so hard. Being wheeled out today without my baby and an empty car seat in the car absolutely shattered me. I cried all day before getting discharged. I just had him cut out of my body Sunday and I couldn’t even bring him home with me.
I just can’t wait until he’s home where he belongs.
@0lazuli0 I hate reading these post titles because my heart instantly goes back to the day I left without my daughter as well and those feelings come rushing back so intensely. Nothing about your experience is normal or fair. No parent should be discharged without their baby. It's a horrible feeling and honestly nothing makes it feel less shitty. But I'm a big fan of taking control of what you have control over as a coping mechanism. Rest and heal if that's what works for you. Spend as much time as you can at the nicu if that's what works for you. Nest and finish those projects for when baby does come home if that's what works for you. It might be all of those things in different moments. Regardless, hug yourself and know that unfortunately so many of us get it and understand you. This community is amazing so lean on it if that works for you! Sending you all of the healing thoughts
@mbeezo This community has definitely restored my faith in humanity even though this is the last thing I ever wanted. Just the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I feel so blindsided. I was just a healthy pregnant person a week ago and now I’m post major abdominal surgery in the nicu with my sick baby. Just unreal.
@0lazuli0 Yep. I completely understand all of those thoughts. I've had them as well. It's truly horrific how quickly life can change. I have had 4 children total and all normal experiences until this last one. The nicu and placental abruption and preemies were all really foreign ideas to me. You're in the thick of it right now. C sections (especially emergent) are no freaking joke.
How is baby doing today? How are you doing? Every hour can be a Rollercoaster. Sending you hugs
@mbeezo Yes every hour brings on different emotions for sure. They were able to take him down to 21% o2 today for most of the day which was definitely a step in the right direction but still touch and go right now. We are just praying he continues to heal so we don’t get transferred to a level 1 nicu in a few days. It could go either way at this point. I thought I’d be home snuggling him right now but instead I’m staring at a fluctuating monitor all day long gritting my teeth. Hoping for some good news tomorrow. Thank you so much for checking in
@0lazuli0 Right there with you. 3 days PP, had preeclampsia and baby boy came out with oxygen issues to put it lightly. He’s been in NICU since, we were told he’d come home Thursday, now they switched it to Saturday. Husband and I just sobbed the entire car ride home and the rest of the night.
I’m so sorry you’re going through it too. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Not a fun club to be a part of
@leachim Our date kept getting pushed back too. Everytime we would make a discharge plan, something would happen. Now we have no end in sight. It is just devastating.
@0lazuli0 In such a similar boat right now. Had a c-section at 38+1, but she inhaled fluid on the way out. Diagnosed with TTN, but it’s been taking forever to wean her off oxygen. Just rounding out day 8 in the NICU. We had to go through all the antibiotics and testing, so I understand the anxiety you’re feeling. I know exactly how you feel about leaving without a baby. Here if you want to chat more — holding hope you’ll have baby home soon.
@stranded Yes, we trying weaning him everyday and it just never works. The devastation I feel everytime I hear those monitors start beeping is indescribable. I’ll hear it in my nightmares forever I’m convinced. It feels so unnatural leaving without him every night, because it is. We are finishing up night 5 with no end in sight and a possible transfer to a level 1 nicu next week if he doesn’t improve. We are so exhausted.
@stranded Aw thank you so much. He was able to be taken down to 21% o2 today for most of the day which was great news. Still a little touch and go though. They are going to see how he does tonight and see if they can start lowering the flow as well. Trying not to get too excited as he still is struggling and I know this will be a process. How about you and your little one?
@0lazuli0 Oh, that’s good to hear! As a parent, you hold your breath with any little bit of progress, I know, but I am going to keep my fingers crossed for you. We were actually just discharged yesterday afternoon after 10 days. She went down to 21% for about 48 hours (with one desat in the first 24 hours), then they removed her cannula and had her on room air for another day. She passed her car seat test that night, and we did discharge training the next day (after being told it might be another 3 days). Thinking of you and sending you strength as you navigate this journey. It’s so tough.
@0lazuli0 Everyone here can relate, I cried constantly on discharge day. Since I live so far from the hospital I got a referral to stay at Ronald McDonald House so I get to see my baby every day but it’s still so hard not getting to take her home. I haven’t been home since I was admitted to the hospital at the end of March so I’m ready for both of us to go home.
@ldh The hardest part is not getting to take him home. It’s like life is put on pause until he is with us at home. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too and for so long. The strength that is nicu mama’s have to possess is beyond what I even knew was possible. I hope you and your baby get home soon
@0lazuli0 I gave birth at 39+4, no indication anything was wrong during pregnancy, but my son had a stroke in utero. I begged the hospital not to discharge me without him, I even made threats to hide in the walls. Every single thing about it was hard. Being on the mother baby floor & hearing the other babies cry in the night, without my baby with me. Being discharged & wondering if he thought I abandoned him. Seeing family members bring new moms flowers & balloons. I constantly felt like I was living a much older, much wiser woman’s life. It just couldn’t be my life, I was 23, he was my firstborn, I felt wildly unprepared for this. Needless to say, I was the crier of the NICU parents.
This is probably going to be the hardest thing you ever experienced. I lived through some real bad days, nothing rocked me to my core like the NICU did. It goes against our deepest instincts as mothers to not keep our babies right next to us. I recommend enjoying your last little bit of uninterrupted cuddles with your partner, hot cups of coffee, decent stretches of sleep. You might have complex feelings on finding things to enjoy at first, but your baby will benefit so much from you guarding yourself from PPD, and healing your body.
@peterw2000 This is exactly how I have felt. I even told my mom being woken up by babies crying in the mother/baby unit was just devastating. I can’t even get on social media because I can’t risk seeing another baby with their mom. I can’t watch tv because I can’t focus. I just spend 11-12 hours with him in the nicu and go home and crash from how emotionally and physically exhausted I am. After I cry of course. Then I wake up in the morning, pump and start rushing to leave again. I cry if my husband doesn’t scarf down his breakfast fast enough so we can leave. It’s tunnel vision 100% of the time and I don’t even know where we’re going right now. I’m so tired.
@0lazuli0 I'm in a similar place to you right now. We had our baby girl 2 days ago and everything leading up to the birth was flawless. Labor was flawless. But immediately after birth we noticed the baby was having labored breathing. Very very very fast, retractions, and wasn't keeping her o2 levels. We were transported by ambulance to a local hospital where she was given oxygen and we waited out what they thought may just be a difficult time acclimating.
After 6 hours or so the little babe was transported to a high level NICU where she still is.
Spinal tap today. I'm a wreck. My wife and I are so exhausted and want this all to end. Our other kids want to meet the new baby so bad.
@john316believe It’s truly rocked our world. I also had an uneventful, great pregnancy. He always was healthy and perfect. We are now on day 4 of nicu with no answers. I cry all the time. I feel like I’m being robbed of my limited newborn days with him. I’m so sorry you and your wife are feeling what I’m feeling right now. It truly is an indescribable sadness.
@0lazuli0 Coming up on 4 days postpartum and I got discharged yesterday without my sweet boy. It’s been really hard and definitely hard not knowing any kind of timeline for when he’ll be home. I go see him for a couple of his feeds and to drop off my breast milk but laying in bed at night all I can think of is his sweet face and how much comfort I bring him when he cries. There’s so much to grieve, not getting the birth I wanted or even the skin to skin time due to preeclampsia and being on magnesium sulfate. Also the grief of not being pregnant anymore. But it’s also grieving that moment of taking my baby boy home together as a family. This is so hard and no one could be prepared for a situation like this. I can offer nothing but solidarity, and I pray that better days come sooner rather than later.
