Got discharged today without my baby

[0lazuli0]

I am 4 days PP. Went into spontaneous labor Sunday at 37+2, had a 7 hour labor before it was time to push, pushed for 2 hours and he wouldn’t descend so we ended up having a c-section.

He had to be in the nicu for 2 hours after birth for some fluid in his lungs and then he was with us. He started having some labored breathing in the following days and they would take him to the nursery for evaluation and all his stats were good so he’d get sent back with us. Tuesday night the labored breathing started again but this time they took him to the nicu to be monitored. His o2 still looked great on the monitors, just looked very labored at times. We were told the next morning they were going to keep him another night just to be safe so I decided to stay an extra night as well. He did so well all day, no flare ups.. until around 6:30 pm we got the call his o2 was hovering around 87 so they put him on some oxygen. We were devastated now knowing he wasn’t going to come home with us the next day.

They tried to remove the o2 twice, once last night at 9 and then this morning at 10 and his oxygen just wasn’t staying up and had to be put back on. The doctor no longer thinks this is just a case of fluid from the c-section or just 37 weeker lungs so he got more tests today and iv antibiotics for possible infection.

We are just so upset. We never considered this in our birth experience. (Who does?) we don’t have any answers or end in sight and that is just devastating. Recovering from a major unplanned surgery and now trying to spend as much time in the nicu with no answers has been the hardest challenge of my life. I’ve always respected nicu parents but this gives such a huge perspective. This is so hard. Being wheeled out today without my baby and an empty car seat in the car absolutely shattered me. I cried all day before getting discharged. I just had him cut out of my body Sunday and I couldn’t even bring him home with me.

I just can’t wait until he’s home where he belongs.

 

[mbeezo]

@0lazuli0 I hate reading these post titles because my heart instantly goes back to the day I left without my daughter as well and those feelings come rushing back so intensely. Nothing about your experience is normal or fair. No parent should be discharged without their baby. It's a horrible feeling and honestly nothing makes it feel less shitty. But I'm a big fan of taking control of what you have control over as a coping mechanism. Rest and heal if that's what works for you. Spend as much time as you can at the nicu if that's what works for you. Nest and finish those projects for when baby does come home if that's what works for you. It might be all of those things in different moments. Regardless, hug yourself and know that unfortunately so many of us get it and understand you. This community is amazing so lean on it if that works for you! Sending you all of the healing thoughts

 

[0lazuli0]

@mbeezo This community has definitely restored my faith in humanity even though this is the last thing I ever wanted. Just the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I feel so blindsided. I was just a healthy pregnant person a week ago and now I’m post major abdominal surgery in the nicu with my sick baby. Just unreal.

 

[mbeezo]

@0lazuli0 Yep. I completely understand all of those thoughts. I've had them as well. It's truly horrific how quickly life can change. I have had 4 children total and all normal experiences until this last one. The nicu and placental abruption and preemies were all really foreign ideas to me. You're in the thick of it right now. C sections (especially emergent) are no freaking joke.

How is baby doing today? How are you doing? Every hour can be a Rollercoaster. Sending you hugs

 

[0lazuli0]

@mbeezo Yes every hour brings on different emotions for sure. They were able to take him down to 21% o2 today for most of the day which was definitely a step in the right direction but still touch and go right now. We are just praying he continues to heal so we don’t get transferred to a level 1 nicu in a few days. It could go either way at this point. I thought I’d be home snuggling him right now but instead I’m staring at a fluctuating monitor all day long gritting my teeth. Hoping for some good news tomorrow. Thank you so much for checking in

 

[leachim]

@0lazuli0 Right there with you. 3 days PP, had preeclampsia and baby boy came out with oxygen issues to put it lightly. He’s been in NICU since, we were told he’d come home Thursday, now they switched it to Saturday. Husband and I just sobbed the entire car ride home and the rest of the night.

I’m so sorry you’re going through it too. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Not a fun club to be a part of

 

[0lazuli0]

@leachim Our date kept getting pushed back too. Everytime we would make a discharge plan, something would happen. Now we have no end in sight. It is just devastating.

 

[stranded]

@0lazuli0 In such a similar boat right now. Had a c-section at 38+1, but she inhaled fluid on the way out. Diagnosed with TTN, but it’s been taking forever to wean her off oxygen. Just rounding out day 8 in the NICU. We had to go through all the antibiotics and testing, so I understand the anxiety you’re feeling. I know exactly how you feel about leaving without a baby. Here if you want to chat more — holding hope you’ll have baby home soon.

 

[0lazuli0]

@stranded Yes, we trying weaning him everyday and it just never works. The devastation I feel everytime I hear those monitors start beeping is indescribable. I’ll hear it in my nightmares forever I’m convinced. It feels so unnatural leaving without him every night, because it is. We are finishing up night 5 with no end in sight and a possible transfer to a level 1 nicu next week if he doesn’t improve. We are so exhausted.

 

[stranded]

@0lazuli0 Thinking of you and checking in on you! How has it been going?

 

[0lazuli0]

@stranded Aw thank you so much. He was able to be taken down to 21% o2 today for most of the day which was great news. Still a little touch and go though. They are going to see how he does tonight and see if they can start lowering the flow as well. Trying not to get too excited as he still is struggling and I know this will be a process. How about you and your little one?

 

[stranded]

@0lazuli0 Oh, that’s good to hear! As a parent, you hold your breath with any little bit of progress, I know, but I am going to keep my fingers crossed for you. We were actually just discharged yesterday afternoon after 10 days. She went down to 21% for about 48 hours (with one desat in the first 24 hours), then they removed her cannula and had her on room air for another day. She passed her car seat test that night, and we did discharge training the next day (after being told it might be another 3 days). Thinking of you and sending you strength as you navigate this journey. It’s so tough.

 

[ldh]

@0lazuli0 Everyone here can relate, I cried constantly on discharge day. Since I live so far from the hospital I got a referral to stay at Ronald McDonald House so I get to see my baby every day but it’s still so hard not getting to take her home. I haven’t been home since I was admitted to the hospital at the end of March so I’m ready for both of us to go home.