Got discharged today without my baby

[0lazuli0]

I am 4 days PP. Went into spontaneous labor Sunday at 37+2, had a 7 hour labor before it was time to push, pushed for 2 hours and he wouldn’t descend so we ended up having a c-section.

He had to be in the nicu for 2 hours after birth for some fluid in his lungs and then he was with us. He started having some labored breathing in the following days and they would take him to the nursery for evaluation and all his stats were good so he’d get sent back with us. Tuesday night the labored breathing started again but this time they took him to the nicu to be monitored. His o2 still looked great on the monitors, just looked very labored at times. We were told the next morning they were going to keep him another night just to be safe so I decided to stay an extra night as well. He did so well all day, no flare ups.. until around 6:30 pm we got the call his o2 was hovering around 87 so they put him on some oxygen. We were devastated now knowing he wasn’t going to come home with us the next day.

They tried to remove the o2 twice, once last night at 9 and then this morning at 10 and his oxygen just wasn’t staying up and had to be put back on. The doctor no longer thinks this is just a case of fluid from the c-section or just 37 weeker lungs so he got more tests today and iv antibiotics for possible infection.

We are just so upset. We never considered this in our birth experience. (Who does?) we don’t have any answers or end in sight and that is just devastating. Recovering from a major unplanned surgery and now trying to spend as much time in the nicu with no answers has been the hardest challenge of my life. I’ve always respected nicu parents but this gives such a huge perspective. This is so hard. Being wheeled out today without my baby and an empty car seat in the car absolutely shattered me. I cried all day before getting discharged. I just had him cut out of my body Sunday and I couldn’t even bring him home with me.

I just can’t wait until he’s home where he belongs.

 

[mbeezo]

@0lazuli0 I hate reading these post titles because my heart instantly goes back to the day I left without my daughter as well and those feelings come rushing back so intensely. Nothing about your experience is normal or fair. No parent should be discharged without their baby. It's a horrible feeling and honestly nothing makes it feel less shitty. But I'm a big fan of taking control of what you have control over as a coping mechanism. Rest and heal if that's what works for you. Spend as much time as you can at the nicu if that's what works for you. Nest and finish those projects for when baby does come home if that's what works for you. It might be all of those things in different moments. Regardless, hug yourself and know that unfortunately so many of us get it and understand you. This community is amazing so lean on it if that works for you! Sending you all of the healing thoughts

 

[0lazuli0]

@mbeezo This community has definitely restored my faith in humanity even though this is the last thing I ever wanted. Just the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I feel so blindsided. I was just a healthy pregnant person a week ago and now I’m post major abdominal surgery in the nicu with my sick baby. Just unreal.