Genuinely curious - why do people choose to keep having kids despite health risks?

[daward]

@girl4god86 I think a lot of people have a second baby to “heal” the trauma of their first, even if the same medical risks apply. I know a lot of moms who had a second because postpartum depression clouds the memories of their first.

Obviously, not life threatening, but my sister has very rough pregnancies, hip pain to the point of being bed bound from the second trimester, vomiting, in and out of triage for fluids, etc. But, she was a single mom with her first baby, the dad didn’t return into their lives until my niece was 9 months old. They re-kindled, and got married. He began to be remorseful of leaving my sister during her pregnancy, and they decided to have a second. She had another miserable pregnancy. My sister loves being a mom, and is a damn good one, but she’s said several times that had her husband been supportive from the beginning, they would’ve never felt the pressure to “re-do” things and have a second child to re-create the newborn stage she never got as a single mother.

 

[snowzee]

@girl4god86 So pregnancy isn’t a big health risk to me directly, but can be for my children. I found out during my pregnancy that I am a carrier of a genetic mutation where it’s a 50/50 chance (ie dependent on which X chromosome my child gets) I pass it on to my children with each pregnancy. I lucked out with my first(only), he is 13 mos and healthy. I don’t want to knowingly play Russian roulette with my genes and test fate again by conceiving naturally, and we don’t want to go down the IVF route for a second due to cost.

 

[girl4god86]

@snowzee My friend is in a similar situation, she found out during her pregnancy that she has a disorder/abnormality albeit a very mild form but it guaranteed that her baby would also have it. She was super stressed throughout the rest of her pregnancy but lucked out in that her baby has an even milder expression of it with no deficits whatsoever so far. She described it just like you, Russian roulette, and the only possibility of having another would be via IVF

 

[snowzee]

@girl4god86 Sounds like another x-linked disorder. Some people still choose to conceive naturally when they have a mild mutation, but that is totally personal choice. It’s just a moral conflict in my mind. I take it as I’m meant to only have my son and it means he can get my undivided attention and love

 

[olivemcr]

@girl4god86 Lots of people have sex and end up with surprises

 

[emilyd]

@girl4god86 I had hyperemesis gravidarum during my pregnancy. I also developed postpartum OCD with psychotic features after delivering (and my preexisting depression got worse). I don't think I'd mentally survive another pregnancy, let alone physically. Thankfully my uterus made the choice easier for me when it decided to grow gigantic tumors, and the only fix was a hysterectomy.

 

[figarosmom]

@girl4god86 They hope next time will be better.

 

[breezyberlin]

@girl4god86 Not sure why. My mom got preeclampsia with me and we both nearly died. I was in the NICU for months and my mom has had fairly minor albeit lifelong side effects.

Then my parents decided to have my sister a few years later. Queue the preeclampsia, sickness, NICU stay. By some miracle we’ve all survived and managed to stay relatively healthy. I love my sister so much and she’s such an amazing person. But I just can’t wrap my head around risking death for a second time

 

[angelbaby777]

@girl4god86 I don't understand it either, my husband and I pinkie promised in the OR that we are OAD, and that was even before my severe hemmorhage a few hours later

 

[lovesrevival]

@girl4god86 Denial. I had a uneventful 1st trimester and then by the third I had IGUR, and certainly symptoms of Pre-E. Got induced because of the IGUR thankfully avoiding any NICU time, with a healthy baby, but I had full on developed Pre-E while birthing. 1, 6 hour MAG drip, BP wouldn't settle, back for another 24hr Mag drip, 5 days in the hospital, blood pressure pills at home. Permanent "if someone asks if you have health issues, you now do".

Part of me looks at my general health, aside from this, and thinks "maybe it was a fluke, because I'm otherwise in good shape". I don't want to admit that my body, or the placenta it grew, couldn't "do it right". It was embarrassing to me, and I didn't want to accept that I had a weakness like this. Is it weakness in others? absolutely not. In me? Yes.

However, the logical side of me fully recognizes that regardless of why it happened, it did. And it ended well for us but it certainly could have not. I'm not so willing to roll the dice. My body was sending me a message and it's in our family's best interest that I listen. However, there are a lot of women who see other moms who go on to have relatively normal pregnancies after medical issues and think "she's fine, so I will be too."

 

[kevineskay]

@girl4god86 People are willing to overlook risks if they want to grow their family.

I also had HELLP syndrome very bad and had to deliver under a c section with general anesthesia. It was awful and traumatic. So I understand the trauma!!I’d likely have it again and I’m older now. But, that is not the ONLY reason we are OAD. It’s mostly financial for us.

 

[petermurphy126]

@girl4god86 I wonder this as well. Especially when you have a condition that makes pregnancy life threatening and you already HAVE children. Like why risk dying and leaving them without a mother? It’s selfish in my opinion and I’m not sorry for saying that.

 

[girl4god86]

@petermurphy126 I agree! Seems absolutely selfish…but I’m not confrontational enough to say this to any of these people and to see what mental gymnastics they do to deny it lol

 

[savedat9]

@girl4god86 I also had HELLP syndrome and other complications. I am 1000% OAD. Daughter is 8 and I’m 41 so that shipped sailed a long time ago. I used to be part of a HELLP survivor group on fb. So many ppl talked and risked another pregnancy on there. I have no idea how other moms go on to have second pregnancies after HELLP or other serious complications.

 

[girl4god86]

@savedat9 I’m in that group right now and is the main reason I can’t get past this question!

 

[stas]

@girl4god86 My sisters doctor told her if she has another child there is a large possibility she could die because of the scar tissue that has formed in her uterus from 4 previous c sections. Her husband and his family keep pushing for another and making jokes that shes going to get pregnant again. I dont know.

 

[alexd97]

@girl4god86 I don’t understand why either, I found out I had cancer 3 months after I had my baby (cancer free now) but it opened my eyes to how much I still want to travel/ live a full life! I love my son and am so lucky to be his mom but I want to travel with him and my husband and live a peaceful life! Lol for me two kids would be stressful and too expensive!

 

[girl4god86]

@alexd97 It’s pretty crazy how different people’s priorities can be! Congrats on being cancer free!!

 

[alexd97]

@girl4god86 It is! Thank you!