Genuinely curious - why do people choose to keep having kids despite health risks?

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girl4god86

New member
Background: I developed HELLP syndrome at 36+6 and had to get induced, baby was born healthy but on the smaller side and luckily didn't require NICU time. My platelets got so low that I couldn't get an epidural so I had a natural birth which I was completely unprepared for mentally. I also hemorrhaged 4 days later and had to go to the ER and got a D&C after bleeding for over 12 hours. Husband has been firmly OAD for years and before this baby I was starting to come around to it but deep down I wanted 2. Having those complications pretty much sealed the deal for my husband (99% OAD to 100%) and it helped me rationalize even further that we are a OAD family. We're pretty risk averse people to begin with so it really does not seem worth the risk to try for another. It could be fine but on the flip side there's now a higher chance of me and/or this next baby dying or requiring extra medical interventions. In the end I'd rather my daughter have me than a sibling.

Which brings me to a thought I have whenever I see or hear about people having one or more children after having serious complications - how are these people willing to risk it? I understand that pregnancy and childbirth are inherently risky and anything can happen, but when you have actual precedent that something could go wrong why would you risk it even one more time? Not sure if it's because I'm a little neurospicy but I can't wrap my head around it and it really bothers me. Anyone else wonder this or have theories?
 
@girl4god86 Honestly, I don’t understand it either. I guess it depends on how much you want children/ romanticize parenthood. I’ve had a rough first trimester and I don’t think I’m ever doing this again. I want to be a parent, but not at the expense of my mental/physical well being. Definitely one and done.
 
@girl4god86 Very similar situation over here.. and yeah, I also just don’t get it. Sometimes I’m like “well it could be fun” and then I’m like “but yeah I don’t want to maybe die?”
 
@girl4god86 If you want to go down an insane rabbit hole on this matter, go look up the Collin’s family that has 10-12 kids? (I can’t remember how many at this point) and keeps getting pregnant every time the doctors warn her this could be the time she dies.
 
@abraham7777 Yes and no. They’re not IBLP like the Duggars, but they’re similarly cultish. She’s a conspiracy theorist with a pregnancy fetish. I feel so sad for the kids.
 
@grace93 Didn't she say it would be the ultimate honor or ultimate sacrifice to die during childbirth? WHY would you purposely continue getting pregnant, knowing it could leave your children without their mother??
 
@girl4god86 I had pre e that was discovered at my routine appt at 38. That ended in an emergency c section after magnesium drip for 24 hours plus. I was in the hospital for a week as my BP would not lower. I left the hospital with prescriptions of high doses of BP meds which I had to take for a month as my BP would not go down.

My delivery was nothing like I imagined and I feel cheated, but the thought of risking that again is not worth it.

I read of women going through pre e more than once and to be honest, I think it is irresponsible.
 
@girl4god86 Dizziness, nausea, anxiety, weakness, and they catheterize you because you're no longer allowed to get out of bed, so you're trapped having these sensations. So dealing with labor or induction or c section with those mag sensations= extra shitty. And they leave you on it for 24-48 hours after delivery. My doctor called it "the least addictive drug known to man" because it sucks so much.
 
@girl4god86 Yeah everything the other commenter said. Plus it made me extremely hot. I felt like I was left under the desert sky to cook. I had an allergic reaction to it that caused intense itching and dry skin. That was pretty miserable. The nurses kept giving me cool cloths to keep me from scratching my skin til it bled. And in addition to early delivery, c-section and other issues, it made me kinda delirious and I don’t really remember the first 24hrs after having my son. I also didn’t have strength to breastfeed, which delayed my milk coming in.
 
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