Forcing myself to wait for ultrasound until 7-8 weeks, but the waiting is torture

[pugh]

TW: loss
My first pregnancy ended in a MMC November ‘22. It makes it very difficult to have faith in my current pregnancy because I had no symptoms of miscarriage (HCG labs doubling every 48 hrs, etc) until we went for an ultrasound and saw nothing but an empty bubble. They said there was a yolk sac, but I couldn’t see anything. It ended with a D&C at week 10 when nothing progressed beyond that early development.
Right now I’m exactly 5 weeks. My HCG was 412 mIU/mL at 4 weeks 1 day and progesterone was 27.99 ng/mL. My HCG was drawn again at 4 weeks 5 days at 1890 mIU/mL. These numbers are stronger than my first, but I still feel like I can’t fully enjoy this. I told them I wanted to wait until beyond 7 weeks for an ultrasound because I don’t want there to be any question about what should be seen at that point. I didn’t want to go at 5-6 and have to come back in two weeks, wondering again. Time is going by so slowly, and I don’t know what to do in this waiting period. I guess I am just venting; the frustrating thing is there is no way to relieve my concerns until I see a baby with a heartbeat in there.

 

[kathrineswitzer]

@pugh I had 2 early mc and also waited for 9 wk for my first ultrasound with this pregnancy. I’m so glad I did because heart beat was clear enough for abdominal ultrasound and nobody has to stick the internal wand into me. I was very traumatized by all the transvaginal ultrasounds.

It was hard to delay the initial ultrasound, but I kept reminding myself that the fate of this pregnancy is already determined at conception and there is nothing that I could do to prevent a mc. It is a mental practice that there is a lot in life that is beyond our control.

The point of the first scan is placement to rule out ectopic pregnancy. So you still have to watch out for those symptoms.

 

[rein_29]

@kathrineswitzer This is great advice. I waited until 7 weeks for my first ultrasound this pregnancy and told myself a lot of the same things.

My betas and progesterone looked good, so I just watched for any concerning symptoms and told myself the fate was already determined and I could not do anything to change it. If the embryo is developing correctly then it will keep on doing so and we’ll see it at the scan.

My mindset every scan is, if I haven’t had any concerning symptoms or lab work then it’s “probably okay”. I still get nervous every time - I had the anatomy scan at 19+2 yesterday and they had to retake my blood pressure after because it was reading so high before we started the scan. I still guard my heart somewhat when I’m nervous but I try not to ruminate on the what ifs when there is no evidence pointing to possibility of a bad outcome.

Best of luck to you and OP with your pregnancies!

 

[pugh]

@rein_29 This was so soothing to read, but I’m sorry you’re having to deal with the nerves. It sounds like you are having a healthy and successful pregnancy. Congratulations to you and thank you for commenting : ))

 

[pugh]

@kathrineswitzer I remind myself of this- there isn’t much I could do to mess up a viable pregnancy and on the flip side, nothing I could do to change the outcome of a non viable one. I am still dying to know which boat I am in this time.

 

[kathrineswitzer]

@pugh Wishing you a very boring pregnancy. And congratulation!

 

[pugh]

@kathrineswitzer Thank you : ))

 

[jerushac]

@pugh I think the best thing you can do is remind yourself that there’s not much you can do, good or bad, that will change the outcome of this pregnancy. Within reason of course, if you’re doing some hardcore drugs that’s different lol. I had to tell myself this a lot. It will be what it will be, because the viability of the pregnancy is determined by egg and sperm and chance and we have almost absolutely no control over it. Doesn’t stop us from worrying, but I would try to relax as much as possible. It’s out of your control and no amount of worry will change it, good or bad.

 

[jerushac]

Let me add that ALMOST all pregnancies we have no control over except those rare ones where there’s a TRUE hormone deficiency but those are few and far between. If you’re eating and drinking well, sleeping, avoiding drugs/alcohol/dangerous activities, you’re doing absolutely everything you can that you can control to help with favorable outcomes.

 

[happy54]

@pugh This is a new pregnancy. With both my last two losses, it's been hard to enjoy this one fully as I keep expecting something to go wrong. But it helps when I remind myself what if it works out. I cant rob myself of the experience

 

[pugh]

@happy54 Right there with you and wishing you a healthy pregnancy

 

[carieinney]

@pugh Hey I totally sympathise and also stress everyday. I had a MMC in august 23 my only symptom was some brown light spotting.
However I’m currently 8w and with this pregnancy have been spotting brown every single day since 6w, ironically everything is fine (just had scan today). I’ve also had worse cramps than last time. How confusing.

Also good call with the scans, I’ve had 5 already and the first 2 we couldn’t see a heartbeat and that just made it more worrying and confusing. I cried on my way home from the 5w scan as they saw only what they saw with my MMC (which was normal for this period compared to last time, but it was still triggering)

Sending lots of baby dust

 

[pugh]

@carieinney Congratulations : )) I hope you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy

 

[sparkloveskittehs]

@pugh I wanted to wait till 7w with last one, but caved at 6+4. Got to see the hb, not that it changed the outcome...
If you keep tracking hcg, you can set up a scan when hcg is above 10k. There was a study that showed that all pregnancies had hb by then, it wasnt a very large study though.

 

[pugh]

@sparkloveskittehs Hey, thank you for commenting. I’m sorry for your loss

 

[sparkloveskittehs]

@pugh Well im in the same boat, my first scan is in 17 long days... im gonna ask for hcg draw on Monday.

 

[pugh]

@sparkloveskittehs Oh, almost identical to me! Here’s hoping for good news and feel free to keep in touch in the meantime. I haven’t scheduled my scan yet but my OB “talk” appointment is the 16th and it’s scheduled from there within a week.

 

[sparkloveskittehs]

@pugh You should join september2024bumps group if you havent already.

 

[pugh]

@sparkloveskittehs I haven’t, I didn’t know it existed! I will join now.

 

[umad]

@pugh I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard. My first pregnancy ended in a mmc after having tried for a year. My second pregnancy was successful and I felt like I held my breath the full pregnancy, waiting for something to go wrong. I'm currently 10 weeks with my 3rd pregnancy now and I wholeheartedly feel that anxiety again. I panicked every day until our first ultrasound and I still feel that worry daily. All this to say: I'm so sorry you're going through this. There are no words to comfort you, really, just know you're not alone and the trauma after a loss clings to you. My doctor said she also lost a pregnancy and agreed that you almost never feel relieved until that baby is alive in your arms. Maybe in the waiting for an ultrasound, you can journal every day some things you are grateful for. Gratitude lists got me through my loss and my pregnancy after loss. It's hard to focus on the good, but there is good. There's also a wonderful app for pregnancy after loss that helped me; it had mantras and meditations and helpful advice from other loss mamas. Your worry for your little one shows that you're going to be a fantastic parent. Hang in there. Try to hold on to hope as much as that fear is clinging to you. Praying for a boring, healthy pregnancy for you!