ExH “needs some time off”

H

hopeinhim98

New member
This week is supposed to be the ex’s weekend to see the boys. He gets them every other weekend.

Today I messaged him to confirm that he’d be here tomorrow. Nope. He’s in Columbia.

At first he said it’s because he’s working. Then he started the lovebombing. When I didn’t fall for it he said he’d had enough of me and that he’s tired and needs a break.

A man that sees his kids for only a few days a month says he’s in need of a break.

I’m pissed because I made a ton of plans based on him taking the kids for visitation this weekend. And paid for plans for what I’m doing the next weekend when I’ll have the boys so I can’t just switch with him.

But I’m even more pissed because my youngest has been talking about seeing his daddy since he last saw the man. My little guy will be crushed. I hate that this douche canoe is going to make my boy upset.

Did I mention that he said he doesn’t want to come back?
 
@hopeinhim98 Jeez. Good riddance. They are obviously a hindrance to him and the lifestyle he wants. I don't understand how people who don't see their kids much feel that way. You deserve the break more than him.

Hopefully everything will work out for you and your littles.
 
@words Reading his message just confirmed for me that I’m so much better off on my own than with that excuse for a man.

He was all butt hurt because the last time he saw the boys during spring break, I had planned a trip to Paris with my friend. He had accused me of making him watch my kids while I flew around the world. Nope! He asked to see them for spring break. I wasn’t going to sit at home twiddling my thumbs waiting for them to return.

This feels like he’s trying to pay me back for it. But I actually like my kids and spending time with them, so we are going to do fun stuff this weekend.
 
@hopeinhim98 He is very petty. It's not about who is watching the kids etc. He isn't a baby sitter he's their father who like you should enjoy spending time with them no matter where you are in the world. The fact that he is acting this way doesn't sit well with me and your boys are going to suffer for it. I hope they have another 'dad' figure in their lives like a grandpa or a male friend of yours that can give them better male support as they grow. If not I would see if they qualify for a big brother big sisters program then maybe they could have a dude to hang with. At least they have you. They know that you love them no matter what. As long as you don't talk shit about their father in front of them they will figure it out on their own. They will see you as the bigger person and how badly they were treated by him.
 
@words I’m very fortunate that I could move back in with my parents when my marriage went to shit during Covid. So my boys have their grandfather and my brother to show good examples to them.

I hate that the boys are the ones to suffer when their father acts like this. My oldest has caught on to his dad’s behavior and has been working through it in therapy. But my younger son still idolizes him. I try so hard to not talk negatively about their dad in front of him. I try not to talk about the man much at all because he’s not worth my time.
 
@hopeinhim98 Right?! You only have like another decade with the little bastards and think they’re cool as hell. I was a single mom. It would’ve been rad if I hadn’t been bitter about it. Total waste.
 
@henry78 If I have to get the lawyer involved, I’ll need to have her to petition to make him pay for the legal fees.

He has a history of saying crazy shit like “I’ll move away and not come back” but he hasn’t followed through yet.

I tend to wish explosive diarrhea on people who make me really mad. 😉
 
@hopeinhim98 Jeez, what a douche. I am sorry for you and your kids, dealing with this must be a nightmare.
Make sure yoiu keep and even back up all these messages, you never know when you will need proof that he's a shitty dad.

Do you have anyone else that the kids love and where they can stay for the weekend? You know,, so you can have your actual, well deserved break.
 
@asyncritus2 I was so mad I thought steam would come out of my ears and nose lol. I use AppClose for all communication so it’s all backed up in case I need to go back to court.

I’m incredibly fortunate that my family was able to take us in during Covid and I’m still saving up to move out on my own. My mom offered to watch the boys tonight while I went out to support a friend’s cheerleading group, but I know my little guy is going to be really upset when he’s expecting his father so I’ll probably stay home in case of a meltdown.

I also feel guilty and don’t want to take advantage because I had purchased a ticket to go to the local pro football team’s women’s festival. That’s an all day event. It’s not like there’s a ton of work involved in feeding 2 boys and keeping an eye on them but I still have a lot of mom guilt I’m working through.
 
@hopeinhim98 I will never understand men who don't want to be part of their kids lives or need time off when they don't see them that often to being with.

Like is disappointing your child for no reason worth it?

I just really don't understand men at all.
 
@hopeinhim98 Wait, he's in Colombia? Like the country? He left the country knowing his weekend was up and didn't bother to tell you until you checked in?

Ugh fuck that guy. My biodad took time off when I was 9 and I haven't laid eyes on him since. Some men are just selfish trash, OP. I hope you and your boys have a great weekend together.
 
@catalina Yup the country. I knew he was there for “work” because he told our son earlier this week. But I had hoped he would be back. He’s a lawyer and has traveled internationally for clients.

I became 350 lbs lighter when I left. I hope you have a good weekend too!
 
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