@delurkish It’s hard. It’s hard in a way that feels so isolating. No one I know IRL is in the same position as me (that I know of) — everyone has already either had kids and planning for more, or nowhere near having kids. I have a friend who constantly asks my husband and I when we’re starting, I’ve gotten questions from family members now that we’re newly married…
I truly, truly want to enjoy being married to my husband just the two of us, since we met less than two years ago. And I want to honor our timeline of being married one year before trying without pressuring him out of sadness or worry. But no one I know understands how sad it makes me feel to see a mother walking down the street with a baby or a little kid in hand. And worse, I’m always worried about the specter of infertility, for reasons I won’t go into here.
It’s hard. It feels, childishly, like a prize I desperately want that everyone else, even those who wanted it so much less, those who have gone through so much less hardship (tmi - I was cheated on and then abandoned by my first husband when I started getting serious about starting a family while my best friend announced her first pregnancy that same month) get to have.