Hi friends
Just looking for some solidarity, I guess. How do you deal with seeing it happen for EVERYONE ELSE? It feels like all of my friends are already pregnant, have children, or are planning to try soon. While I’m happy for my friends, I can’t help but feel that little twinge of jealously
I’m sure it’s something literally all of you have experienced but I just feel alone. I don’t have anyone in my life who feels the same way. My fiancé is excited to have kids, very excited, but he’s good to wait and isn’t in a rush. I feel like I’m half crazy sometimes because of it. I know most of my friends are doing it in poor timing, i.e. not having finances in order, just “winging it”, etc. and I know I don’t want to be like that, I want a good life for my child. I’m planning on going back to school for a year, which will double my income. I’m planning on eliminating all my personal debt. I’ve worked very hard to pay off my car. I know I’m doing it “right”, but I just wish I could shake the jealousy I have of those doing it “wrong”.
@delurkish Personally I'm in the same boat. It's hard seeing babies everywhere and constant pregnancy announcements! Financial position is okay but I still have my student debt, some mortgage, and I want to find a new job first (for better pay/hours, less toxic and more work life balance). My partner has really come around to trying soon, because our finances improved, but I think it's important not to rush when I know my mental health will be better with a stable financial position, making me a better parent, more opportunity to stay home, and less pressured during our future baby's early childhood.
@vanda Ugh, thank you for this. It is SO HARD to see it everywhere. Glad we’re in the same boat of trying to get in a solid financial position Your last sentence really eased my mind some too.
@delurkish I feel you. It's the longing. I'm at the point where we are looking at sperm donors (were a f/f couple) and our best friend is in her 2nd trimester and I will say that my only current feeling for her is excitement without a hint of jealousy. But I have major baby fever. We haven't started trying yet and of course I have this fear that we'll be trying for a while with no success and even though I have no proof of that being the case I'm just anticipating worry, heartbreak, jealousy, everything. It's not coming from a place of rationality but it's valid and you deserve to be tender with yourself during these times.
@shibolet I worry about trying with no success as well, although I am absolutely not in your shoes of using a sperm donor and I won’t pretend to know what that feels like! I have no reason to think I’ll have issues, but it’s in the forefront of my mind too. I just want a child, like everyone else here. I just want it to work. Thank you so much for sharing
@delurkish Amen! Tbh the donor selection part is kinda fun. It's nothing like I've ever experienced. I have another genetic test I have to take before we can pick so it's just an extra part of the process but I'm excited to start
@delurkish The wait is totally worth it! We waited to try & then took us 8 months to conceive. I’m pregnant now. I was able to get my masters degree, get married, move into a bigger place, buy a new car & now we are in the perfect point in life to welcome a sweet baby girl in a few months. It was definitely hard watching everyone around me get what I wanted, but now looking back, I’m happy this happened when it did. Totally worth the wait!
@delurkish It is so hard to sit and watch everyone else have what you so desperately want. I keep telling myself that the wait will be worth it, but some days hit harder than others. We've agreed to start trying as soon as we buy a house, and we're looking, but finding something we can afford that isn't completely run down hasn't been easy. My best friend (who is 3 years younger than me) has a newborn and said yesterday that she would love if they were ready for their second by the time we start trying for our first. And I get it, it would be so much fun to go through pregnancy with her and watch our babies grow together. I'm obviously not going to hold up my timeline for her, but that she thinks that it's likely i won't start trying for another year and a half kind of stings. Maybe she's right though and the truth just hurts.
@sandyyy Are you me?? I’m not buying a house ANY time soon, but my SIL wants so badly for us to be pregnant together and it just isn’t going to happen. Some days are absolutely much harder than others. It feels like it’s EVERYONE but me. I’m so glad I found this sub because I finally feel like it’s not just me.
@delurkish It is hard yes, we are in our 30s already and I am just so tired of the "clock is ticking" comments and also mentally taking a toll on me to see them baby pictures and everyone being pregnant but right now it doesn't even going the way it should or how it was planned. My husband was supposed to get a job where it would have land us in the right place but it looks like it won't happen. So I am a bit devastated and also really sad for him. I don't even want to express my disappointment over the fact that we probably need to postpone the start of trying.
@delurkish Just think that your future self will thank you for lessening the potential stresses you would’ve had if you had a child now. You will eventually have more money, no debt and less outgoings which most times means more freedom and less stress. You can travel a little bit and enjoy some alone time as a couple. You can take this time to focus on your health, going for health checks and preparing your body for being pregnant. The right time will come soon when everything’s in order. Believe in and trust the process, we will get there.
@jstar35 Thank you for this. My future self really will thank me. I want a good life for my baby. I want to buy them all the things they need and want. I want to be a great mom.
We could do it on our current income but I’d prefer to make more. Like I said, going back to school for a year will double my income! SO worth it. We’re also finishing up our wedding plans currently, which is absolutely draining my bank account LMAO.
I’m definitely planning to start going to the doctor more regularly and preparing, maybe even starting a prenatal? Idk yet. But this is all great advice
@delurkish I’m going to be honest, this is one of the reasons that pushed us to not wait too much longer. We originally hoped to start trying towards the end of the year and a lot of outside factors fell into place already. We crossed a big thing of our bucket list and all that we wanted to do until trying was basically just enjoying ourselves. So my situation is a bit different in that we’re already where we want to be financially and with our jobs.
Seeing all our friends and family have kids recently made us realize a lot of the things we want to enjoy can be done with kids. The things that are harder or only possible when they’re older I feel like we’ve done already.
Another thing that made us wanting to start trying sooner is the realization that it will most likely take a while. I mean maybe a miracle happens, but for health reasons I’m convinced it’s going to take about a year so we’re starting sooner than planned and I’m glad the friend factor pushed us in that direction.
so we’re starting sooner than planned and I’m glad the friend factor pushed us in that direction.