These couple of days I've posted on a few different topics that have garnered lots of interest, so I wanted to keep the streak alive! My goal has been to share advice/perspective that I wish I would have been exposed to earlier in my parenting journey.
Today, I wanted to provide my raw and honest perspective about the first three months of having twins. This is not a new topic in community, but it absolutely a topic that most parents of singletons avoid like the plague.
So, here's the scoop: the first three months of having twins were, without question, the worst three months of my life. Yep, I said it. It was terrible. You enjoyed those "precious moments"? I think you're batshit crazy. That "little smile, ever so brief" was not even remotely close enough to get me through the day. You "wouldn't trade it for anything"? I'd trade it for nothing! Hell, if there was an option to ship off my infants to some kind of infant colony for the first three months of their lives, I'd be the first to sign up! As you kids get older, they call this summer camp!
Let's all cut the blowhard BS on this topic. If you are the 1 in 100 that actually enjoyed this chapter, go ahead and keep that to yourself (and for some of you, stop lying to yourselves!). This kinda stuff doesn't help the other 99 that are struggling.
You are not a bad person if you hate the early months of raising multiples. It does not mean you don't love your children. It doesn't mean you weren't ready to be a parent. It doesn't mean you are or will be a bad parent. Ideally, you'll live to see your kids turn 50, so those three months might only represent 0.5% of your job as a parent. Being a parent is so much more than the very brief chapter of being a parent to infants.
In those early days, it drove me absolutely crazy to hear other parents (including those of multiples) tell me "Well... it doesn't necessarily get easier, it's just... different." Nope, you're wrong. My 1 year olds are 100000x easier than they were those first few months. Will there be chapters ahead that are more difficult than the chapter I'm in today? Absolutely! Will there be more terrible chapters? probably!
So, for those of you drudging through the first 90 days, hang in there. I promise you, it will get better. So, so much better. There is hope!
When I first found out I was having twins, I called a friend's older brother who had twins who are several years older than me. When I asked for advice, his simple response was: "You're fucked." Best and most honest feedback I got before my kids were born.
Thank you for attending today's TED talk.
Today, I wanted to provide my raw and honest perspective about the first three months of having twins. This is not a new topic in community, but it absolutely a topic that most parents of singletons avoid like the plague.
So, here's the scoop: the first three months of having twins were, without question, the worst three months of my life. Yep, I said it. It was terrible. You enjoyed those "precious moments"? I think you're batshit crazy. That "little smile, ever so brief" was not even remotely close enough to get me through the day. You "wouldn't trade it for anything"? I'd trade it for nothing! Hell, if there was an option to ship off my infants to some kind of infant colony for the first three months of their lives, I'd be the first to sign up! As you kids get older, they call this summer camp!
Let's all cut the blowhard BS on this topic. If you are the 1 in 100 that actually enjoyed this chapter, go ahead and keep that to yourself (and for some of you, stop lying to yourselves!). This kinda stuff doesn't help the other 99 that are struggling.
You are not a bad person if you hate the early months of raising multiples. It does not mean you don't love your children. It doesn't mean you weren't ready to be a parent. It doesn't mean you are or will be a bad parent. Ideally, you'll live to see your kids turn 50, so those three months might only represent 0.5% of your job as a parent. Being a parent is so much more than the very brief chapter of being a parent to infants.
In those early days, it drove me absolutely crazy to hear other parents (including those of multiples) tell me "Well... it doesn't necessarily get easier, it's just... different." Nope, you're wrong. My 1 year olds are 100000x easier than they were those first few months. Will there be chapters ahead that are more difficult than the chapter I'm in today? Absolutely! Will there be more terrible chapters? probably!
So, for those of you drudging through the first 90 days, hang in there. I promise you, it will get better. So, so much better. There is hope!
When I first found out I was having twins, I called a friend's older brother who had twins who are several years older than me. When I asked for advice, his simple response was: "You're fucked." Best and most honest feedback I got before my kids were born.
Thank you for attending today's TED talk.
! It sucks. It does get better, and every phase has its challenges. On of my happiest days was when I gave away my double strollers. Another amazing milestone was being able to leave my house with the kids alone inside, and I could take a walk around my neighborhood with my husband. Taking a walk alone was liberating. And anyone that pines about wanting multiples has no idea what the hell they are talking about.
I have 12 week/7 week adjusted boys and this makes me feel better. I love my babies and I wanted them for six years but this is so so so hard. No one is happy. Not me, not my husband, not my poor colicky reflux babies. I am afraid we ruined our lives. I am afraid having twins just sucks and we got screwed over by life. Hoping it gets better soon.