@katrina2017 Both. Our custody arrangement provides that he gets every other weekend (different rules for holidays and summer/winter vacation). His work schedule isn’t as flexible as mine but he didn’t want to do any type of split situation anyway, we tried it in the spring and she came home with half of her workload not completed. He found it too stressful. YES it’s stressful (obviously).
@katrina2017 I will add too that he’s always been the more fun parent because of the EOW arrangement but it’s only more enhanced now because I’m just a mean old bossy mom and teacher’s assistant.
@struggling26 Oof, that's a bummer he doesn't want to step up. I think the only thing you can do is encourage him to take a more active parenting role and spend more time with kiddo. It is pretty difficult to be a structured parent with firm boundaries when you only have essentially four days a month. With that little amount of time I think any parent would tend towards just having fun. I think this is part of the reason why more and more states are leaning towards 50/50 when both parents are stable and willing.
@struggling26 Our kids are the same age. She does all her schooling at her dads because I need to go in to work full time. Issue is he doesn’t follow up or check up on any of her work. So I end up checking her work, nagging her to read or correct her writing after coming home from work. During the day she plays video games. We also have very opposing views on how much involvement parents should have in the kids life. I’m def the mean one. She even mention she wishes her step mom is her real mom cuz she doesn’t want to get yelled at (ouch). Like you I worry I’m gonna loose her, our relationship is going to shits. How ever sometimes I step back and think they’re only in 2nd grade, how much did WE learn back then? How much is all this schooling is going to matter in the long run? Especially during e learning? In 5 years is all this stress worth it? Or do we wish were easier going on ourselves and kids and just ENJOY their company. Especially at an age where they still LIKE us. So I just let some stuff go. Stop sweating the school work. Weekends with her is just about time with each other. Lots Board games, crafts, hikes. Or take a week off and plan something fun. Picnics etc. I still struggle and worry she’ll fail in school/life.
At times when I’m at my wits end and super frustrated and it shows I also talk to her explain to her WHY it’s not all fun here. Tell her all the things I need to do and ask HER to be more understanding and by doing what SHE can to help out, which frees up time for more fun things. Like you have to work, make sure school is done, cook, clean, put her to sleep, and then have room for fun. Tell her you work hard for what you have and you want the same for her. Luckily my kid is reasonable most of the time. Good luck. I totally feel you.
@vlasit Thank you for your reply. I’m so sorry you are going through such a touch situation as well. I really do hope that we can get these kids back to school ASAP so that they can get back into their routines. I had a heartfelt conversation with my daughter the other day after this and we both bawled our eyes out. It was definitely needed.
@struggling26 Awww I’m glad you had a good heart to heart convo with her. Shows you you guys still have the connection and you’re doing a good job. Life has its mix of good and bad. That’s why Reddit helps sometimes.
@struggling26 I feel like we are on the opposite end of this spectrum. I'm a stepmom of a 7 y/o and I'm working from home part time and in the office part time. We have 50/50 custody. My husband has to work in an office and is an essential worker. I tried to do virtual schooling with my SD from March until May and it was literally impossible because of how many 2+ hour-long phone calls I have or Zoom meetings, which can last hours. My SD's mom stepped up and offered to do all virtual learning for the kiddo because she is currently a SAHM with another baby. I can tell that the virtual learning has really put a dent in our coparenting relationship and she has been really passive-aggressive lately even though my SD went back to seated class this semester and I'm doing my best to get her to school and pick her up on the weeks we have her. She just seems to resent us for it and I have no idea how to repair the relationship at this point.
@thisfeller I’m sorry you are going through that. I can see why another parent might resent the other for taking on more of the load during the pandemic. I think we are all having a hard time adapting to the situation we’re in. And as adults, I personally think we worry this is going to have a lasting effect on the relationship with our kids. Think about how resilient kids can be, and how short of a chapter this is in the scheme of things for them. I really hope that’s how things play out. Try and be positive. If you think your coparenting relationship is in this place, maybe reach out to acknowledge her doing so much, and ask if there’s anything you can do to help lighten her load in any way. Beings SAHM with a baby sounds really rough with e learning and being so isolated.
