COVID-19 and Why I'm Waiting

[genesis1984]

@ajay24 Thank you for sharing all this. My husband and I made the difficult decision last month to also delay TTC longer due to COVID. We won't be trying until we've both gotten a vaccine, whenever that is. My friend had a stillbirth a couple months ago, and now are wondering whether or not it might have been connected. Really scary and heartbreaking times!

Thankfully for us, we are relatively young (late 20s) so we still have time on our side and I don't judge older parents at all for not delaying.

 

[wdub]

@ajay24 There are many ways to interpret this. Personally I look at the data and see that the increased risks don't seem that great. Examples: 9.31 per 1000 is still really low. ~20% increase could be much worse (like 200%). Then again I'm weighing the COVID risks against the risks associated with pregnancy in one's late 30s. This will be my third child so I'm also like eh, it will be OK.

 

[ajay24]

@wdub Exactly my point with linking the articles! For a lot of these the effects are small- and age effects can be much larger than these, so for a lot of people waiting doesn’t make sense.

 

[chefjosh]

@wdub It's also an incredibly small N they they used. This is nothing near a representative sample. It could be way worse or completely normalize with a larger study.

 

[fruitb]

@wdub Yeah, I wish I had the luxury of waiting but I'm 33 and want two kids, so it seems lower risk to try in the next 6m than to wait another year or two before kid #1.

 

[wdub]

@fruitb I had babies at age 34 and 36. Great age to start a family!

 

[fruitb]

@wdub My mom had me at 34 and my sister at 36, and I really appreciate how she says that she "got her 20's out in her 20's and was able to settle in and enjoy the slower pace of raising kids." LOL, she was in med school and bike racing and being crazy in her 20s, so I love that she saw motherhood as "slowing down".

 

[mrssmith0917]

@ajay24 Thanks for compiling this information! I'm a cancer epidemiology student so COVID-19 is not my area at all, but I have been meaning to look at the information around pregnancy. I'm still a year out from TTC at least, but it's good to keep thinking about these things, especially in the US.

 

[chaoticjoy3]

@ajay24 If you're looking for more COVID gloom and doom, this report into babies born in the most restrictive part of the UK lockdown is grim reading. I'd suggest thinking hard about the child development effects of the restrictions that these parents report.

Admittedly, none of these parents signed up to have babies in a pandemic. Of course perhaps deliberately conceiving in these circumstances would mean parents find this period less stressful and anxiety-inducing. But I'm not sure there's a way to mitigate against everything they describe here.

 

[kbuzbee]

@chaoticjoy3

this report

Thanks for sharing the report. I skimmed through it and it is really sad to read all those experiences and quotes....they really felt left alone, especially people with low income apparently. I think it also shows how once again women with less money get screwed over the most. Can't access private appointments, post-natal care etc.

 

[chaoticjoy3]

@kbuzbee In the UK, money isn't an inherent barrier to healthcare (and almost no one uses private healthcare). But the impact on the NHS was huge and that's part of what you see in the report. Obviously, there are geographic and race/class based health inequalities which are reflected but even the most middle class women couldn't access, eg, breastfeeding support or proper post-partum care. It strikes me that almost no one was insulated from the impacts.

 

[kbuzbee]

@chaoticjoy3 Well I live in the UK too and friends of mine compensated for cancelled scans with private appointments which were still available and which helped them to cope with their anxiety. And local antenatal groups which are often not free also give women additional confidence and a network of contacts that women who can't afford these services wouldn't necessarily have access to or be aware of...even if only remotely. So money does matter and helped to mitigate the impact of the pandemic, even in the UK. But I get what you're saying, it is hard for everyone and the NHS is a wonderful thing.

 

[uniquetexasgirl]

@ajay24 I've never saved a post before, but I'm saving this one so I can keep all that information. Thanks for sharing it.

I personally would like to wait a little while longer due to the pandemic. But I have no idea how long it will last. If it's just till spring that's doable. But what if it actually goes for all of 2021 as well? I'll be turning 35 then and I'm incredibly anxious to wait till that age. I've always wanted to be done having kids at 35 and I'll just be starting about then.

 

[melman]

@ajay24 Thank you so much for this data! I have things that need doing, so I just skimmed to get an overview, but I definitely plan to revisit, and I think I'm on the same boat as you.

Do you have any idea what stage we're at with regards to a vaccine? I'm not comfortable trying until we have (or are close to having) a vaccine. I can't control the anti-maskers, deniers, and the goddamn state of Florida , so I'm going to wait until there's something within my control. I'm a little apprehensive as I'm turning 34 in December, but I do appreciate Emily Oster and other people giving us the facts without fear-mongering.

I really don't want to labor with a mask, and I want my husband and a doula, and possibly my mother present for appointments/delivery. I could have a home birth, but that presents risks as well, and frankly I'm not that crunchy.

 

[softhenic]

@ajay24 Thank you so much for this!

 

[joejoe58]

@ajay24 Serious maternal infections are also associated with psychiatric disorders later in life, schizophrenia being the most well established. Though it is by no means a guarantee!! Otherwise we would have a lot more cases of schizophrenia out there than we actually do, and there is definitely a hereditary component involved as well. But yes, I would personally be worried if I were pregnant right now.

 

[godsgatekeeper]

@ajay24 Thank you so much for this. I'm waiting and HATING IT. It is getting harder to quiet my mind about it, and to let go of obsessive feelings at certain times in my cycle.

I really appreciate having more data to support our very valid reasons of waiting. It's scary and awful but somehow also reassuring, that we are making the right choice.