Concerns about extreme 'cry it out' for a 10 week old

[gladaonkth]

Edit: TW neglect

Hi there!

First of all, I want to mention I don't have kids yet myself, so I in no way claim to know a lot about babies and their sleeping behaviours. But this just doesn't sit right with me.

A couple we know relatively well (new dad is the son of my mom's partner) has a 10 week old little girl. From what I have heard, it's quite the easy child, not fussy at all.

Now, the couple has taken the advice of new dad's mother, who says babies need to learn structure and discipline (needs to get tough), so they should put their child to bed at 7 p.m. and not get her before her night time feeding around 10 p.m. Essentially, letting her 'cry it out'.

My mom and new dad's father visited the couple one evening, and my mom remarked the girl was so quiet, to which the new dad told her she's not. In fact, they keep the door to upstairs (where the baby lays) closed and the baby monitor off, so you can't hear her. The girl was actually crying it's lungs out, and it took quite some persuasion from my mom to be allowed to get the child out of bed. The couple also mentioned that a few days prior, they had found her and her bed covered in vomit, probably for crying too much. They tried to convince them to not do this, but they kept to their 'structure and discipline'-thing. My mom's partner tried talking with his son multiple times since, but to no avail. The routine continues, and the girl hasn't learned to soothe herself yet, if that may surprise you. So the girl spends each evening crying for hours on end, unattended.

Now, two questions:
- Is this as bad as I think it is? It sounds like neglect and I don't feel like I'm overreacting, but I'm no parent yet, so...
- If it's as bad as I think it is, do you think I should try to contact one of their caregivers (GP, child counseling bureau) about this?

Thanks for you thoughts on this!

 

[jesusismygod]

@gladaonkth That is disturbing. Yeah sadly I would report them. Hopefully the will get some much needed education.

 

[gladaonkth]

@jesusismygod Yeah, I should, I know now. Thanks for your reply!

 

[fgregc]

@gladaonkth Pretty sure 10 weeks is considered wayyyyy to early for any kind of sleep training and letting baby cry till they vomit sounds horrendous imo if anything the only thing she’s learning is that mom and don’t won’t come to her when she’s in trouble what if she had choked on the vomit …. If they’re going to let her cry it out they should at least have the monitor on to make sure she’s safe and not having an emergency or something

 

[gladaonkth]

@fgregc That it can actually be a safety hazard is what worries me most, although it's worrisome altogether.

 

[fgregc]

@gladaonkth Please please please report it

 

[gladaonkth]

@fgregc I'm gonna!

 

[fgregc]

@gladaonkth Thank you so much best of luck so sorry baby has had to go through this, at this age she doesn’t even know she’s her own person yet

 

[hisgrace124]

@gladaonkth As a new mom to a 7 week old boy, I am fucking horrified at what I have read. Absolutely not! This is neglectful if not outright abusive. My heart breaks for that poor little girl.

As a child who was neglected and abused growing up, these kinds of techniques are setting her up for a lifetime of attachment trauma. If she even lives to be that old, as this goes against all safe sleep advice and greatly increases the risk of SIDS