Co Sleeping w/o Judgment?

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greykell

New member
I’m a ftm and baby is just a week old. Baby just wants to sleep on us all the time. We try to take shifts holding her so one of us gets sleep, but since I’m only breastfeeding her I get the short end of the stick. I’m incredibly tired and found myself falling asleep holding her while on my shift. My husband is very tired too, it’s awful. I’m at my breaking point especially with breastfeeding on demand. I had a full breakdown a few hours ago. She doesn’t sleep in her crib for more than 10 mins. We ordered the halo bassinet which will arrive tomorrow so I’m holding out hope that might work so my husband and I can sleep at the same time.

Long post just to basically say, I’ve been researching the safe 7 sleep, reading old Reddit posts from people who have coslept. If you have experience with this please leave a comment and let me know. I’m not looking for judgement so if you don’t have tips or advice you can kindly not comment. I don’t smoke I don’t drink, we have a firm mattress. I’m really considering it being so sleep deprived.
 
@greykell I’ve been in your shoes with my 11 week old and his bassinet in our room. The safe 7 sleep helped us get through those early days. Without some sleep I wouldn’t have been okay with being able to handle the day to day. I also remained consistent and continued to put baby in his bassinet each night to start.

Some tips I got for putting baby in his bassinet were:
  • heat up bassinet with heating pad and remove before placing baby
  • lay baby down feet first and then head last bc not doing so will set off a reflex
  • keep your hand on babys chest for a minute or two once put down
  • wear baby’s bed sheet or sleep with it so that it has your scent
  • use white noise
 
@greykell Also adding OP, I know we all roll our eyes at drowsy but awake but it actually worked for mine. She would wake up when I put her down, would try to fall back asleep but didn’t have enough sleep pressure so would wake fully about 5 minutes after being put down. I had to start rocking her until she was JUST about to sleep and then I would slowly rock her into the crib (picture like a leaf falling to the ground) and she would fall asleep in there. Got much easier when she started taking a pacifier as well because it helped her fall asleep without rocking
 
@greykell Absolutely! There’s so much content out there about co-sleeping not being safe and scary, rightfully so, but you have to do what’s best for you and your family. I highly recommend looking at Heysleepybaby on instagram or TikTok. She has a lot of helpful content too!
 
@fe253 Definitely second these tips. Also be sure to practice naps in the bassinet during the day with conditions as close to nighttime as possible. Our bedtimes got a lot better after I started doing at least 1 or 2 naps a day in the bassinet. I found it was easiest to start with the first nap when she’s still groggy and reliably gets a good stretch in and then work toward the later naps. Also, keep an eye on wake windows and sleepy cues. Our naps and bedtimes go loads better when we are supporting her best schedule.
 
Definitely second these tips. Also be sure to practice naps in the bassinet during the day with conditions as close to nighttime as possible. Our bedtimes got a lot better after I started doing at least 1 or 2 naps a day in the bassinet. I found it was easiest to start with the first nap when she’s still groggy and reliably gets a good stretch in and then work toward the later naps. Also, keep an eye on wake windows and sleepy cues. Our naps and bedtimes go loads better when we are supporting her best schedule.

ETA: also swaddle until baby shows signs of rolling. We loved the Ollie swaddle and were able to easily transition to a sleep sack once I started being concerned she was close to rolling (for us around 2 months, but YMMV)
 
@greykell My 7 week old has slept in decent 2-4 hour chunks since he came home and even I feel sleep deprived so I cannot imagine how you’re doing. For me pumping so my husband could give him a bottle allowed us to sleep in shifts and was a life saver. Have you tried pumping or introducing a bottle? A lot of people talk about nipple confusion but I was told that’s essentially a myth, but consult your lactation consultant if you (or the hospital) has one.
 
@mamac1 Nipple confusion is a myth but flow preference is real.

OP, if you go this route it is a good idea to use a slow flow nipple and look into pace feeding. My IBCLC recommended the even flo balance to us with the wide neck and slow flow nipples.
 
@mamac1 Yes, pumping so my husband could feed a bottle was essential to getting some sleep in the early days. It didn't impact our breastfeeding at all!
 
@mamac1 Came here to say this! Pumping saved my life with the sleep deprivation. We tried formula too at night and found she slept for longer. They don't do as much comfort sucking on the bottle as they do on the boob. You can try laying her in bassinet and feeding her the bottle whilst she's in there and once she falls asleep remove the bottle.

We did some cosleeping too but I'm a generally anxious person so I used to wake up every 10 mins worried I'd steamrolled her 😅
 
@greykell Don’t have tips about co-sleeping but…can you call anyone to help? Family, friends or a paid doula? It sounds like you two need a solid chunk of sleep.

Another suggestion to give you particularly a break would be to give baby a bottle…formula or pumped milk so someone else can share the feeding load.

Last but not least, I know this time is tough…but please know that it will pass.

The first few months are the hardest for many new parents, so all you need to do is survive. Put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time of the other, take care of yourselves and each other as much as you can…and slowly, slowly it will start getting better. Usually 8-12 weeks when baby starts sleeping a bit better, when you all get used to each other and get into a routine, and the shock of the major life change ( and thinking WTF have I done?!) will slowly wears off and you realise that you are starting to get more of a hang of it. You got this.
 
@jimbobby2021 Thank you for the encouragement! We do have people that cam help but I guess I haven’t thought it would be much help since I still need to wake up to breastfeed. I guess having someone else hold the baby while we both sleep would be a good idea though.
 
@greykell Oh yes definitely definitely do tap into that help.

We had a friend come every few days and hold the baby, and both of us slept in same bed for a solid chunk of time - it was such deep satisfying, much-needed sleep, we felt like new people afterwards.

If you haven’t yet, give pumping a go….unlike breastfeeding you can do it more on your own schedule…not have to do every feed, every 2-3 hours so its heaps more realistic to maintain your mental health ( and science shows that you, baby’s caretaker, being sane and well is heaps more important for the baby’s development than breastmilk)
 
@greykell Our baby hated the bedside bassinet. Has slept next to me in bed ever since (following the safe 7) although now at almost 9 months we said maybe it’s time for a proper crib which will arrive in 2 weeks. Let’s see how that goes.
Having said that, I can’t say I have really been more tired than before having a baby and I’ve never been sleep deprived. And one of the reasons is co-sleeping because I just plop the boob out, baby drinks and falls back asleep. If I ever have a second I’ll do it all over again :) however, I wouldn’t do it if I were a deep sleeper like my husband for example..I wake up with every movement of baby.
 
@greykell I don't have experience co sleeping, I just wanted to send a big hug that sounds super tough. My baby also only wanted to sleep on us for his first two weeks, thankfully he has gotten better and better at sleeping in his snoo so we've been able to reduce the awake shifts and get some sleep together. Hoping that your little one gets better at sleeping too, and in the mean time hoping you get some useful advice on safe cosleeping, cause your sleep is important to stay sane! Good luck ❤️❤️
 
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