Co parenting with a firefighter

[anaaaaa]

My ex husband recently got in the fire department. He now works only 2 days a week sometimes 3. I work a traditional M-F job. He did too for the 10 years we have been divorced. Now I'm not sure how to make a consistent schedule for our boys. His work schedule is not consistent either. For ex: 1 month he works: week 1: thur and fri then week 2: wed and thurs, then week 3: tues and monday and so on....and then some random weekends.
Our schedule now is I have them all week except weds and every other weekend. (Wish I could upload his work calendar so you can see)
Since its summer I'm obviously being very lenient and letting them stay w him on his days off if they want.
But now I'm at a loss cause if we continue that it wont leave me much time w them at all.
Anyone else co parenting with a no traditional work schedule? We. With just want what's best for our kids!

 

[katrina2017]

@anaaaaa How old are your kids? That always helps form my thoughts.

BTW, I used to make a monthly spreadsheet calendar and label mom days and dad days and would share with my ex, so we were aligned. The worst thing that ever happened is we both showed up to pick him up. No one ever forgot. Actually, once he thought it was my day and I thought it was his. Daycare called, went to get our kid, then went over to his place cause I was afraid he’d had a heart attack or something.

 

[anaaaaa]

@katrina2017 Kids are 14 and 16

 

[katrina2017]

@anaaaaa Have you asked your kids what they’d prefer?

Edit: my son is 15, and he’s making his own schedule because he’s tired of going back and forth. He works around mom and dad’s schedule. He’s also d enough to stay home alone.

 

[katrina2017]

@anaaaaa I’ve been looking for someone dealing with this issue so this post caught my eye. I’m married to a firefighter and looking at divorce. When speaking with my lawyer they basically sighed and said this is the hardest schedule to figure out and work with. I agree with accommodating what you can but don’t let it limit your opportunities or life. His schedule has limited my ability to do so much (for example, taking classes. How do you do that if every couple weeks he has to work at the same time as your class?).

Recently I finally pursued my education and I decided I needed him to be the one to sacrifice so I could pursue a career. So he took time off during shifts when he had to so I could go to class for a few hours. Ultimately, be flexible, but he chose the career and if he needs to figure out how to get his parenting time, let him be the one to step up and figure it out.

 

[thomascat]

@anaaaaa This is totally doable. You might consider posting in a firefighter Forum about this. It's going to be unconventional, but his weird schedule is also a light schedule, maybe not so flexible but it's not like he doesn't have plenty of time to spend with the kids during the time off. I think it's great that you guys want what's best for your kids, it also seems like currently his time with them is a little on the light side, so maybe this will be a good opportunity to even it up a little bit. I think it might be a good idea to have a common nanny or babysitter of some sort in case there are times he has to be at work and you need someone to take them. Perhaps a good place to look for somebody who is sort of on call and reliable is to check with the other firefighters.

I know that you are concerned about consistency, but I know a lot of police firefighters and EMS workers and I can tell you that their kids turn out to be great even though working those jobs, especially if both parents are doing it, can create a certain sort of chaos when it comes to schedules. But if you guys are working together and being consistent with the rules and expectations and hugs and quality time, an unpredictable (for them) schedule is not going to be a huge detriment to them, and may even help them learn to be flexible and resilient.

 

[katrina2017]

@thomascat I think your advice overall is good but as the wife of a firefighter I want to point out that a consistent schedule is not just for the kids. OP deserves to be able to sign up for work shifts/classes/book club/church group, etc. without being beholden to her exes schedule until the kids are grown. Her time is valuable too. This is where your suggestion of the babysitter comes in and hopefully the dad will step up and arrange this so it’s not all on OP.