Co parent wants 4 of July

[yosoy]

4th of July is coming up and I will have my son with me, his father gets him every other Friday to Monday. He texts me asking if he can have him for the 4th of July & Idk what to tell him.. I've made plans knowing this was a day I had him..I just told him I had some plans for him already that unless there's anyway we can split it..and he said my families doing all this n that and they want to have him there..Thing is my son's dad isn't even gonna be there, it's just for my son to be with his dad's family because they doing all this n that like why mention any of that, putting it as my plans weren't anything like that. It just makes me feel like they don't think it's important for my son to be with his mom, if he can't his dad, not them thinking they're always better in a way..

I just said yeah that's cool,but we've had some plans already,, and he says we'll let me know if you changed your mind you get all the holidays with him. Okay first,he could always ask to be a part of any of these holidays if it lands on my day we can communicate but he doesn't ever. I have sometimes ask if he wanted to arrange on specific days oh it's fine I'm busy. then when I offer a split it doesn't work for him he just needs to have the whole days. usually when he does this it's never for time with our son but for his family asking. Certain holidays I do not mind when it's something fun it lasts for awhile given both parents time to celebrate, but other ones it's like it's one day and we can't seem to split who gets day or night

 

[halterfr33]

@yosoy

It just makes me feel like they don't think it's important for my son to be with his mom, if he can't his dad, not them thinking they're always better in a way..

Okay first,he could always ask to be a part of any of these holidays if it lands on my day we can communicate but he doesn't ever. I have sometimes ask if he wanted to arrange on specific days oh it's fine I'm busy. then when I offer a split it doesn't work for him he just needs to have the whole days. usually when he does this it's never for time with our son but for his family asking. Certain holidays I do not mind when it's something fun it lasts for awhile given both parents time to celebrate, but other ones it's like it's one day and we can't seem to split who gets day or night

You're choosing to do a whole lot of unnecessary emotional work around this request, and it's making you feel poorly, and it doesn't have to be this way.

I get a request. I decide if I can facilitate. I share my response. Dad says okay. I keep it pushing. Otherwise, Dad protests. I ignore the messages and still keep it pushing. Dad has a right to his feelings but that doesn't obligate me to take them on and respond.

 

[idkusername]

@yosoy Ultimately it’s your day. You made plans. Being flexible and accommodating is awesome and often a good idea, but it’s your day and you have plans. That is okay, and it’s okay for you to say no. If you want to “barter” a bit for the sake of smooth coparenting maybe offer up a different day?

 

[sandrakthomas0]

@yosoy These comments are spot on. Don’t feel bad for declining his request, I know that’s easier said than done. But if he’s not willing to negotiate either a different day then you tried your best. Don’t let him get in your head. It’s your day with your son. Enjoy it.

 

[heavensvoice]

@yosoy This isn’t as big of a deal as you are making it out to yourself. He asked. You said no. That’s it.

If he bothers you about it just say you already have plans and if a holiday really matter to him he should be asking well ahead of time to switch days. SWITCH days.

 

[alberta]

@yosoy It’s your day so don’t feel bad about saying no if you have plans, but his dad’s family is also your son’s family so if it’s something you feel your son would benefit from then I see no harm in having him attend, with or without his father!