co-parent just admitted roommate is using drugs

[uk1872]

Just as title says.

I just confronted him about it. He says that no drugs are allowed in the house. Instead, they do them downstairs in the basement in front of the woodstove.

We share custody 50/50, so I doubt he's allowing them to use (ketamine) while she's (2 y/o) there, but still. I feel this is a stupid decision on his part - as he's also hanging out with the actual dealer, no less.

My concern: sure, he says no drugs IN the house - but how is he making sure of this? What happens if they come back up to the house, drunk or high and a baggie falls somewhere my daughter can find it? Am I wrong to be pissed off about this? Like, how in the actual F*ck am I supposed to take his word and believe that his friends are going to abide by this rule? How much am I overstepping and how much am I being negligent in not doing/saying anything about this?

What should I do?

 

[bellavoce7]

@uk1872 Apply for an emergency custody order to get your daughter full time until he kicks the users out. If he’s okay living with drug users he may be using himself in such case he’s not fit to parent until he goes to rehab and takes some parenting classes. Contact an attorney and see what can be done but please don’t let your daughter go back there until everything is sorted out. If she dies from an accidental overdose or from a negligent father who is knocked out on K you would never forgive yourself.

 

[bellavoce7]

Ketamine is a horse tranquilizer that causes people to hallucinate, become detached from reality, sometimes can cause anxiety and violence and can effect senses for up to 24 hours after use (from the food and drug admissions website) you are right to be furious and scared. Keep your daughter safe, and make sure your ex knows how serious this is.

 

[crownpoint55423]

@uk1872 If you don't file a complaint or call the cops about it and for some reason cps gets involved for any reason your child can be taken away and put in foster care. You need to do whatever is necessary to protect your child and your self.

 

[katrina2017]

@uk1872 A parent always has a moral and legal obligation to keep their child from even a SUSPECTED instance of endangerment. (Perspective: I fled my last apartment because drug dealers moved in above me. I had a suspicion and after a tiny bit of investigation, it was confirmed that the husband was running drugs out of the apartment and friends were coming over to help distribute while strangers were in and out all times of the day and night. I immediately had my child stay with their mom until I found a new place. And then I filed a police report while I was on my way out just in case they would have retaliated because they already knew I was aware.)

There is a choice here about whether he will or will not abide by that. It wouldn't be a bad idea to provide a reminder because that suggests a consequence which would be pretty severe. I think in the spirit of working together with him, you could offer to house your kid full time until he sorts this out... and rest assured, if the shit ever hit the fan, your child would be with you full time anyway per a judge. You should also consult with an attorney as well as your local police department.

 

[aspeck]

@uk1872 I won’t pretend to know what I’m talking like some of the others here all I’ll tell you is to find a lawyer who specializes in it and get some sort of order that says he has to find suitable living. Hope it works out

 

[stars_andwonder]

@uk1872 I don't know a ton about that drug but it sounds like injecting it is one way it's commonly used. Meaning dirty needles may be present. Fuck no, even in the basement.

Substance abusers aren't always stable and don't exactly have the best relationship with boundaries Meaning slowly they'll be crossing them or he may enable them and not be enforcing them. Plus hanging out with a dealer who may be a total nerd, a thug, or somewhere in between.

"Be wary of the company you keep for they are a reflection of who you are, or who you want to be."

Also, kids are curious and don't always stay where they're supposed to be. What's to keep her from going down there, especially as she gets older and bigger?

 

[minnie965]

@uk1872 You are being negligent. Get off Reddit and call CPS and a lawyer immediately.

 

[tealeafbaby]

@uk1872 Seems potentially dangerous. 2 is so young and accidental exposure could happen. Even if not, seems like the people her dad is bringing her around are questionable at best. I’d speak with an attorney. Any time I’ve needed to speak with a family attorney - I walk away feeling the info I get is worth the cost.

 

[jay5034]

@uk1872 When I was younger my roommates were drug addicts.. sooo many times I would walk into bathroom and find residue/partial lines on the counter cause they’d be too fucked up to notice or care. This is a dangerous situation and if you need to take full custody of your little.

 

[uk1872]

@jay5034 This! I know.

What is frustrating is that when I spoke to my ex this morning, he was so f*cking nonchalant about it.

Basically, the basement only accessible from the outside and our daughter can't get in the basement by herself, so it is completely contained.

But again, it's these little details. The residue. Not knowing if he's partaking. Wondering if when says the drugs are only the basement, how is this enforced? Also, I don't understand how one can still be careful while getting fucked up. And how is this even good judgment on his part?

 

[jay5034]

@uk1872 Honestly? I would bet money on it he is using too.. he wouldn’t be so nonchalant if he wasn’t and he’d be as concerned as you. Even if your little one doesn’t have access, I would still be concerned of someone just dropping a baggie or touching it and somehow coming into contact with her.. idk too many risks IMO. There doing some serious drugs too.. and if he’s not involved he can tell his friends to do it somewhere else. I mean, I’ve seen my friends turn and get pretty violent or start shit when high.. that’s a whole other risk!

 

[uk1872]

@jay5034 Thank you! Because I know he's going to turn it around onto me being "too" whatever because that his classic narcissisim tactic.

Also, where we live is a housing crisis. So I'm going to be made out as the asshole for making this person homeless.

The worst part is I don't speak the dominant language (French) where we live, so inherently I face a lot of barriers trying to get legal help and I don't have a lawyer.

 

[chris151]

@uk1872 Another thing to consider with the obvious of dangerous drugs, and people using said dangerous drugs is that people will do ANYTHING to get drugs - chasing a high can be a full-time job for addicts.
B&E's, using violence against someone, stealing...etc is second nature.
This is not an environment that is conducive to having your child safe. When working with at-risk youth over the years the stories I've heard these children go through and the various amount of abuse they suffered would make you cry, and 9 times out of 10 drugs were the major theme. It is highly negligent on your part to continue to send a defenseless 2 year old who is at the full mercy of her care-giver to this household.

 

[myfaith87]

@uk1872 I would get in contact with cps and see if they can do a visit to the house. Tell them your fears and what he’s told you. Also the basement is still part of the house so there are definitely drugs in the house if that’s where they are getting high. I’d try to fight for full custody. Many drug dealers can get sketchy too so if he owes them money or gets into some kind of trouble your child could be in danger. I really hope the plug hasn’t met the child because id be livid. Coming from someone who’s a recovering addict, the best thing you can do for your child is to just stop which is easier said than done but if you can’t stay clean it’s better to just admit it and keep your child safe than be high when you have another life you’re responsible for even if you’re only high when the child is not around drugs effect your mind even when not actively high.