Clingy 10 month-old

[discoveringyou]

I have two girls - 5 years & 10 months. My eldest was a loaf of bread (easiest baby on the planet.) She was agreeable, rarely cried, was fine with any caretaker, etc.

My youngest is throwing me for a LOOP. She’s incredibly healthy & hitting milestones early - but she’s unbelievably clingy.

It’s confusing to me because I work full time, so she’s at daycare 9 hours a day. They have no issues with her bottle feeding. But at night, she wants nothing to do with my husband.

My in-laws moved to town last year to be close to the girls. They’ve watched the baby twice - for an 8 hour span and a 6 hour span. She REFUSED to take a bottle - no matter how tried, or how tired/awake she was, or how she was positioned. Absolutely refused. And was fussy the vast majority of the time. Aside from this, we’ve gone on 2 weeklong vacations with them, and go over there weekly, so she definitely is familiar with them.

My MiL (gently, but firmly) thinks I need start weaning her so that she can get used to other people. I refuse - our nursing relationship is so strong, I nurse on-demand throughout the night, and she’s never been sick (not once.) It feels wrong to stop when so many signals are screaming at me to continue.

Am I off base here? How can I navigate this, help her to not be so clingy, etc.? It’s jarring how different two babies can be!

 

[thecup]

@discoveringyou Weaning will not help.

Some kids are just clingy. My bottle-fed 2 year old is STILL attached to me while my 6 yr old was never like this.

 

[discoveringyou]

@thecup Thank you. This makes me feel sane. Honestly I just feel this pull to quit my job and just be present for my kids all day long, while throwing middle fingers in the air to anyone who tries to step to it.

 

[miullawd]

@discoveringyou Absolutely! You’re not off base at all. That’s ridiculous what your MIL said

 

[brione]

@discoveringyou Dooo ittttttt! Omg do it!

 

[godisdead69]

@thecup Yes agree. My 11 month old is sooooo clingy and he's bottle fed since he was 2 months old

 

[juliekaynelson]

@discoveringyou I saw something on Instagram, can’t remember where, that said if your biggest problem with your kid is that they want to be with you, that it’s not that bad of a problem.

If you felt ready to wean or make a change, that’s a different story and you could make changes to make that work for you and your kiddo. But if it’s just for your MIL, well she had her kids, it’s your turn. You do what you feel is right.

 

[yana1]

@juliekaynelson I love this

 

[discoveringyou]

@juliekaynelson This is so simple & true. Thank you.

 

[katrina2017]

@discoveringyou She probably misses you through the day and enjoys her time with you when you are together. My 18 month son is the same. I was sleeping in another room with my newborn and my husband and toddler shared our bedroom (we all bedshare). My toddler was super clingy while I slept outside and now that I’m back in the main room with baby in the bassinet, he is less clingy because he missed me.

Kids are all gonna do what they do and I think if nursing on demand works for you and your daughter, that’s ok!

 

[discoveringyou]

@katrina2017 Great point. She’s making up for lost time. I’m a we’ll-adjusted 37 years old and still get giddy. squirrely & cuddly when I see my mama!

 

[asphaltpotato]

@discoveringyou My baby is almost 11 months and insanely clingy as well. He’s always been bottle fed. I sort of quit my job when he was born and am with him 97% of the time and he’s still next level clingy. I think some babies just are. I also know one day he won’t be this clingy and it does make me a little extra grateful.

 

[discoveringyou]

@asphaltpotato Oh this is such a great point. One day I’m going to miss this - probably all too soon, so I just need to lean into it and appreciate the job God’s given me.

 

[eputuis6]

@asphaltpotato Totally agree! Once I realized this is a phase, I started taking the time to be present and enjoy it. It is tiring being the one that is clung to, but getting the first kiss from your baby, having them jump on you squealing for huggies, noticing your LO repeat your gestures; it is amazing.

 

[jmickett]

@discoveringyou My youngest was like that. The most intense period of clingyness was from 8m to 14m and then he gently started exploring. We never really forced anything at all and he just did it himself. He is now 2.5yrs and Dad obsessed. Some kids are just clingy

 

[bendi]

@discoveringyou My eldest son is surly. My MIL does not create a bond with him, and at first she also blamed the bf, co-sleeping…in short, our attached parenting style. Now he is almost 5 and my little girl is 2, she is easy going and very affectionate. Now my MIL no longer says anything about the bf (it's also because I once responded with something unpleasant) but she still doesn't like my son. For me it is very painful that my MIL does not like my son as much as my daughter and every time she compares them I feel horrible, I even talked about it with my husband. I understand your feelings very well.

 

[discoveringyou]

@bendi That’s terrible - I’m sorry she favors your daughter. Look up orchid children & dandelion children. I went down this rabbit hole last night and it gave me a newfound intense appreciate for my kids’ differences. I imagine you go full mama bear with regards to your son when your MiL is around.

 

[bendi]

@discoveringyou I really appreciate your comment. My son notices when different people comment that he is difficult, that he is hyperactive, that he is rebellious or defiant. He is my orchid, in fact I love orchids and I think they love me too because my orchids grow and bloom more and more. My son is shy and has an energy that overwhelms many people, but I know him and I know what he doesn't like: hugging or kissing for social obligation, being given orders that contradict what we do at home... that's why he is rebel with my mother-in-law or others relatives. I never make him to show affection if he does not want to, never let him cry (As ML recommends). Perhaps yes, I am a mama bear and I kind of hate her for all concerning my baby. I am going to buy this book for kindle, I love that there are so many scientific studies supporting these classifications. Thank you so much

 

[rainbow35]

@bendi I'm so sorry. Does he notice? What does your husband think? My MIL is so difficult and I dread how things will be with her as my baby grows. She has the polar opposite parenting style from me and I know we're going to butt heads. I worry she'll reject my son in favor of his cousins since their parents are more strict. But also I don't trust her and wouldn't leave him alone with her so I'm sure that in itself could create a rift. It's not easy and I feel your pain.

 

[bendi]

@rainbow35 Thank you dear. Yes, of course he notices and his reaction is to reject her. No huggs or kisses, no obey her etc. My husband did not have exactly the same perception than I because when she was here for one whole week in May he was working all the time. But he showed concern and tried to calm me down saying that we don’t see her much (2-3 visits a year). And he is making an effort to be more concious about how he speaks with our kid or in front of him. You’ll see if she rejects… In my experience some people do show preference between grand children, this is so sad but it happens and actually we cannot control the feelings of others. So I don’t know.