@bendi Good for your son I don't blame him I would reject her too. Poor sweet baby. I'm glad you only have to deal with her a couple of times a year. I hope to keep our distance from my MIL as much as possible but my husband doesn't see her problem behavior as clearly, and right now she's being clingy because my FIL just passed away. I'm glad your husband is making an effort. It's true we cannot control it. But it is so sad and makes me so angry. How dare these MILs hurt their little feelings and still be allowed to have a relationship with them. Ugh it's so selfish. Anyway I hope you and your children can spend most of the time around those who treat them well and always remind your son how much you like and love him and how insignificant her opinion is to you. Which I know you will because you sound like a loving mom. I wish you all the best.
Clingy 10 month-old
- Thread starter discoveringyou
- Start date
@rainbow35 Thank you for your support, my son and my father are best friends. My mother loves him too. They come to see us every month even though we live 1500km away. My son is so independent that he ignores people he doesn't like. I'm sorry that your husband doesn't see it the same way you do, maybe you should show it to him little by little, but softly, after all, she is his mother. I always try to speak impersonally and focus on how I feel or how my son might feel: “Honey, comparing siblings can create rivalries, how our 4-year-old boy must feel when he is told that he is bad and that his little sister is so lovely?” I don't know, I hate my MIL a little but I will never tell my husband. You can vent here with us 
@bendi Thank you for your support and kindness as well. Awww I'm glad to hear your son has a wonderful relationship with your own parents. My parents are also very loving grandparents. My FIL was as well and it's very painful he's gone. My MIL is a narcissist so it's difficult for people to see her abuse when she plays the victim so well. My husband knows she's unwell but justifies some of the behavior and can be blind to it, probably because it's how he was treated growing up. I try to show him but at times he gets defensive. And so I have to leave it be but then I worry ill be stuck protecting our son alone. It makes me want to take him and run away. I also hate my MIL a little and sometimes a lot lol but I don't say that either. Just that she frightens me and I worry about her behavior because it's abusive. But I'll try to be softer about it, like how you communicate seems to be very effective. Does your husband understand?
@discoveringyou My 2 year old is still clingy and she is obsessed with me lol. It’s basically a sign that they consider you their safe space. And they will obviously be independent one day, it’s just not now lol
davemanning
New member
@discoveringyou Honestly, I don’t think weaning would help.
This is the age where separation anxiety really starts to kick in, and babies start to realize that you’re separate from themselves, and that they’re learning that if you leave that you’ll come back. Basically, there’s a lot of developmental things going on, and they feel safe with you bc they know you’re a constant comfort they can depend on.
My son is 10 mo and clingy as can be. I’m with him all day long but if I even walk to the kitchen (where he can see me!!) he’s standing and his baby gate crying until I come back. For your little one, it’s probably just a bit worse bc she doesn’t see you while she’s at daycare, so she wants to get the clingy time in while she can.
This is the age where separation anxiety really starts to kick in, and babies start to realize that you’re separate from themselves, and that they’re learning that if you leave that you’ll come back. Basically, there’s a lot of developmental things going on, and they feel safe with you bc they know you’re a constant comfort they can depend on.
My son is 10 mo and clingy as can be. I’m with him all day long but if I even walk to the kitchen (where he can see me!!) he’s standing and his baby gate crying until I come back. For your little one, it’s probably just a bit worse bc she doesn’t see you while she’s at daycare, so she wants to get the clingy time in while she can.
discoveringyou
New member
@davemanning Thank you for this perspective! I very much appreciate it. Makes me feel sane.
@discoveringyou My 2.5yo DD1 is super clingy still, she wants to be on me all the time, my DD2 6mo is the chillest baby ever, she’s happy anywhere with anyone. Some babies/kids just need more cuddles
blazer70x7
New member
@discoveringyou Don’t wean unless you are ready! My 12 month old clingy boy has always been bottle fed and up until a couple weeks ago he refused to take a bottle from anyone but me, not even his dad! So from my experience it’s nothing to do with breastfeeding and I highly doubt weaning will help! I did notice though that once he refused whoever was trying was quite pushy with the bottle and got quite flustered that he was rejecting it and I don’t think that helped. Are people trying to force her to have it? Obviously not pinning her down and ramming it in her mouth but refusing to let her push it away and say no? Once my OH (LOs dad) just held him calmly and tried every minute or so and let him reject the bottle he eventually started to take it from him
discoveringyou
New member
@blazer70x7 Great advice & perspective. Thanks. It reminds me that phases come & go and, just bc something doesn’t work now, doesn’t mean I can’t gently try it next month.
maddielovesbaseball
New member
@discoveringyou Some kids are just clingier than others, and you'll find it'll come and go in phases and certain situations. Nothing to do with breast vs bottle feeding. She probably just misses you while you're at work and wants to be near you, totally natural and normal. Plus let's not forget she is only 10 months, how independent is mil realistically expecting her to be. Also its absolutely none of your mils business when you and baby decide to wean, she doesn't get to make those sorts of decisions
@discoveringyou I would never wean a baby early because they’re “too clingy.” What an absurd comment to make…especially in the midst of a massive formula shortage (if you live in the US). But also just in general. Breastfeeding has so many benefits for the babe. Don’t let her asinine comments get to you. Enjoy the clingy baby phase while it lasts 
raverdave2k
New member
@discoveringyou Weaning will not help is my guess. What's she's suggesting is ridiculous and I would shut it down, which you can totally do politely. "Thanks but we feel she'll be more comfortable when she's ready MIL, right now this is what we're doing." Then bean dip, aka subject change "So how's your gardening coming along mil?"
Would be really good to make sure your husband is 100% on your team as well and doesn't entertain these conversations.
I've had two very clingy kids, my second less so and absolutely loves daddy. Thank goodness because I held my first pretty much nonstop and he had really intense separation anxiety until 3.5-4yrs old. We actually did play therapy to help where I'd be in another room for like 15 minutes at a time and working to help him feel more confident with another caregiver. He's now an adventurous 6 yr old! I do not think this is typical and most kids start to venture out sooner.
My current almost 10mo old only wants us, won't go to grandparents either, though he did make it 6-8 hours with my mom a couple weeks ago when I had to run an errand further away. It's hard when other people, in laws or friends don't really understand AP, but every kid is different and you know yours best. These phases pass. I ALWAYS say trust your mama instinct, she's not going to steer you wrong.
Would be really good to make sure your husband is 100% on your team as well and doesn't entertain these conversations.
I've had two very clingy kids, my second less so and absolutely loves daddy. Thank goodness because I held my first pretty much nonstop and he had really intense separation anxiety until 3.5-4yrs old. We actually did play therapy to help where I'd be in another room for like 15 minutes at a time and working to help him feel more confident with another caregiver. He's now an adventurous 6 yr old! I do not think this is typical and most kids start to venture out sooner.
My current almost 10mo old only wants us, won't go to grandparents either, though he did make it 6-8 hours with my mom a couple weeks ago when I had to run an errand further away. It's hard when other people, in laws or friends don't really understand AP, but every kid is different and you know yours best. These phases pass. I ALWAYS say trust your mama instinct, she's not going to steer you wrong.
discoveringyou
New member
@raverdave2k Thank you so much! Great advice. Be firm, be confident & be patient. I wonder if she’s just a bit jealous or feels out of control so she tries to control the situation by suggesting these things. It’s interesting. I’ll just love hard on this baby and give her all the snuggles & boob she needs 
miscellaneous
New member
@discoveringyou Is this a new development or has it been happening for some time? I’d say if you recently started daycare and returned to work maybe she’s just missing you and bedsharing at night might help along with breastfeeding at night to give her cuddles and comfort. But if it’s been like this for a while she’s probably just a clingy baby and needs you and this too shall pass.