Can we normalize asking babies genders before assuming?

[sbikeboy]

@linktogunner As someone who has a 7 month old daughter who is constantly in her brother's hand me downs and has an androgynous mom who dresses her in mostly boy cothes because girl clothes suck, there's bigger things to be mad about. I do get it, I get comments constantly asking if she's a boy, if we are going to try for a girl (which, people gotta stop THAT question) and I'm like ummm why we have a boy and girl and then they're like wow that's amazing and I'm like I'd be done even if we had two boys what's wrong with that. Anyway, people are always going to have something stupid to say. Find some quipy remark and watch their jaw drop and say see ya later stranger. You'll never see this person again, you're good

 

[larry12009]

@linktogunner This seems like a minor annoyance, but not that big of deal. Your daughter doesn’t know. I certainly would not alter my daughter’s body (piercing ears)
just so strangers gender her correctly.

 

[hillsong2014]

@linktogunner wow. What a thing to get this worked up on. Gender-debate over a baby? My son had red curls so of course he was a girl- until he started walking and talking and wearing boys clothes. I didn't care if they said "What a pretty girl". I always grinned and said "Yes, he is a beautiful little boy, isn't he" and mostly added "these long lashes and red curls are confusing, I know" to take the bite off of my remark. when he was four he insisted on a "real haircut" before he started school, because that was the age he started to care. By 15-16 he decided to let his hair grow a bit longer, showing it curls. Now at 23, he has long curly hair he wears in a man-bun most of the time. noone would mistake him for a girl even when he lets his hair down.

People call your baby "cute" "pretty" or "beautiful" that is all that counts.

 

[katrina2017]

@linktogunner I think this is more a "you" thing. It never bothered me when people misgendered my kid. He is 7, and if someone misgenders him he will politely correct them. No big deal. It really didn't matter to me if a stranger misgendered him as an infant. "What a sweet little girl!", "Oh, he is a boy, but thank you, we think he is pretty cute too".

 

[waiting_soul]

@linktogunner My daughter didn't have her hair really grow until after 2 years of age. So she liked like a boy, one of her brothers actually, in a dress. It happened all the time. It's annoying. Once she grows hair, it'll be better. Here's a funny aside -- my daughter is 19, son who she looks like is 23. They did that gender changing filter and they looked like each other

 

[perseveringwife0224]

@linktogunner I don't think the baby cares. None of my kids do, and people still misgender two of mine at 10 and 7 years old. My seven is nonverbal and doesn't seem to notice, but my ten y/o doesn't give a shit. She corrects people sometimes, but generally doesn't care. The other week an older lady gave her five dollars for being a "kind young boy helping out his mother". She thought that was pretty awesome and bought herself some hot wheels lol.

 

[jimmich]

@linktogunner I think people tend to revert to what they're more familiar with. When I had my daughter I kept accidentally referring to her as him because I already had a son and that's just what I was used to saying. Took a while to adjust so I don't expect a stranger to know.
I mean yeah it's a little annoying I guess but nothing that actually impacts anything

 

[chris8812]

@linktogunner Let it go.

Babies are too young to care what they are referred to and in the big scheme of things does it really matter what strangers think? As long as your child’s family/friends know then it doesn matter what others think.

Does your baby have a feminine name? If I’m at a baby group and I’m not sure I tend to ask what “your little one” is called, or how old they are and the parents generally tend to answer in a way that I can work out the gender without being so in your face “is it a boy or a girl?” Which tbh is just as bad as getting it wrong.

 

[huskysizeguy99]

@linktogunner I have two kids. I could literally put my son in a shirt saying, "Daddy's Little Man," or whatever, and people would still assume a girl. Vice versa for my daughter. I wouldn't even actually correct people. If they asked the name, I'd tell them and people would typically self-correct. A lot of people would even apologize. I always told them, "It's fine. He still thinks it's ok to eat food he found in the couch. I don't think he's bothered." Or, "Well, she learned her own name last week, so we haven't covered gender yet. Baby steps."

Seriously, it's fine. It's not really gonna be a problem in a few years.

 

[spitfire1966]

@linktogunner Agree, we should not assume. If it feels weird to ask then just say they/their until it becomes clear from the parents language if the child is a girl or boy.

 

[rasmus2]

@linktogunner What a weird thing to care about.

 

[thirstyfollower]

@linktogunner My 2yo looks alot like me (dad) so maybe thats why people would assume she was a boy, as well. It is strange how it bothers me. They do it with my dog too. Even tho shes got a bright pink collar on. Less offended by the dog misgendering tho.

 

[linktogunner]

@thirstyfollower See, more people ask about my dogs gender before they do my daughters. With dogs you don't generally dress them in boy or girl clothes, so without looking or asking you really don't know.

 

[mellojcumbers]

@linktogunner True, but on the other hand they can usually see pretty easily whether your dog is hangin' wang, which (presumably?) is not the case with your human infant.

I suspect your dog and your infant care exactly the same amount about whether someone is mistaken about their sex.

 

[petros7977]

@linktogunner People called my daughter a boy all the time when she was a baby… with her ears pierced, wearing pink and all… they would say “what a cute little boy!” I would just say thank you and go on my way. It’s not a big deal and they don’t mean anything by it and it causes no harm. Just let it go.

 

[kalwa]

@linktogunner Would you be offended if nobody ever commented on your child or noticed your child? That's what it is coming to these days. People don't know the right thing to say. Just be grateful they show an interest. It could be they really aren't interested but just trying to make perfunctory, polite conversation and then go about their day.

 

[linktogunner]

@kalwa Honestly I'd rather strangers not talk to us at all when we're out and about. I don't like people and I'm not a fan of small talk. I would be perfectly content with going unnoticed while I'm grocery shopping.

 

[srmartin15]

@linktogunner It used to bother me with my son. He was always misgendered as a girl. Then I had a girl......and she was always misgendered as a boy. Like wtf. I am so over it now. I just say go with it because whoever misgendered my kid is probably only going to be in my life for like 10 seconds maximum.

 

[nadira]

@linktogunner I think it's the no hair - my daughter had very very little hair until she was like 3, and she could be in a flowery dress and people would admiringly tell me, "your son is so big and strong!" Once she had a hairstyle people were much more likely to read her as female. She didn't care, and I thought it was funny, so no harm done! And she's a teen now so this predates the more recent scrupulous attention given to pronouns. She was just a big, strong, bald baby - in a dress

 

[sheritashairtemple]

@linktogunner Can we not? This is a super weird take.
I’d rather people not ask about babies genitals tbh