@reformedjen A baby definitely can't be too attached to a parent. I say this with love, the clingy-ness, fear of strangers, etc. can absolutely be normal at this age, but can also be indicative of a slightly anxious attachment. I have seen this in nieces and nephews who are in daycare full time.
It sounds like this is more of an issue you're running into during this specific trip than everyday though, yes? Normal for baby to feel a bit out of sorts in a new environment!
@reformedjen It’s normal for this age. I tell people my 12 month old needs about 15 minutes to warm up and settle in, it makes people give her some space and let her chill. Then once she feels comfortable she will go explore and check in frequently and at her recent birthday with lots of people she didn’t know, by the end she was cool with being picked up and played with by anyone who was gentle and respectful
@reformedjen They might be trying to get you to believe that they have real concerns about her wellbeing and development, but the reality is that that they just really want you to share your toy with them cmon please let me have a turn….
She’s reasonably uncomfortable, and they might be confirming for her that they’re not really safe because they are refusing to met her where she’s at and are instead repeatedly freaking her the fuck out.
You and your husband are kicking ass at supporting her and are doing shit right.
@reformedjen You're in an identical situation that I was recently in with my near 11mo. Also BF and contact napper, which my family seemed to disapprove of. My girl will literally bat people away, scream and put her hands out to be picked back up by me.
I initially was apologetic about this and felt so guilty that my family weren't able to see the happy daughter I have. I then realised, who else is she going to be attached to?? I've literally been with her every day for nearly a year.
I then had a full mind switch and provided that extra comfort she wanted and needed.
My little one literally meets new people every day . It doesn't mean she has to like them!
@reformedjen My daughter was the exact same until a little over 3! Totally normal and fine. She's still very attached in group settings but is more relaxed one on one with my friends and relatives now. Just keep being there for her and help keep her boundaries enforced, and she will branch out in her own timing.
@reformedjen No. Thats not possible, and very healthy. 11mobths on this earth trying to understand the world..
.in which, by this age, only is mom and dad. She doesnt understands (or just now came to understand) that she is not the same human being as her parents, so for her all the others are big scary strange things. If you are at a party you wont sit on strangers..and if someone touches you without knowing you, and others tell you to love them, you wont..
@reformedjen New people and new places will make my son cling to me. He needs time to observe and will readily open up to grownups who play well with him.
If he is well-fed and rested, he will even more quickly adapt to new people…but it does take more than a few minutes.
I never understood family members who blamed the baby when trying to force an interaction.
My mom told me I was too controlling when I kept trying to give her tips on how to play with and make my son more comfortable with her.
Trying to force your child to other people will just induce more clinginess.
@reformedjen It takes time for anyone (not just babies) to warm up to others. Babies have it hard! Everyone's trying to hold them and grab them and sometimes longer than they can tolerate, walking away with them where they cant see their mum... ofcourse they want their mum. Good on baby for sticking by you. Mines just 3 months and I say "she's tired" when someone gets offended (ridiculous to get offended by a baby too) and when they say "oh she's too attached", I just smile and nod.
@reformedjen It's normal. People said the same shit to me, and worse. Now my baby is a confident, gregarious 2.5yo. Goes up to strangers and tells them all about her day.
In retrospect I think a lot of people talking shit to me about my baby's attachment to me (the mother) were really just feeling embarrassed and insecure because baby cried for them. And it was easier to use the haggard new mom as a punching bag than accept that the baby just didn't want them.
@reformedjen Is everything going ok in daycare?
There’s no such thing as a too attached baby, but I wonder if she’s wanting as much time with you as possible because she doesn’t want to go to daycare and be away from you?
Totally just an idea!
@jordanl103 She loves daycare!! Cries at drop off but then fine, and bursts into tears at pick up when she sees me (desperate to get to me) but they say she's so outgoing and happy during the day
@reformedjen Went through this exact thing when we went on a trip to see family last summer when our daughter was 9months old. My sister told me I had a “very low threshold for letting her cry” and I just explained if she cries when someone tries to hold her, that’s her not consenting since she can’t talk.
Don’t worry, your baby just has a healthy attachment. I will say if your journey has been anything like ours, you’ll probably have to continue reminding yourself of this because our culture doesn’t really support building secure attachment and encourages a lot of unhealthy behavior to force independence on babies and toddlers.
@reformedjen I feel like it’s ok if it’s ok for you and maybe some kids are different? I personally want to try to avoid this. I’m not sure why it’s “expected” of us to socialize our dogs so that they feel safe in new environments/with other animals & people but for some reason is weird to do with kids/babies?
I fully plan on being out and about and letting my baby experience as much and as many humans as possible for my own sanity and to help build their confidence in the world.
I might be eating these words later…but right now (35 wks pregernance lol) this is how I feel.
