Can a baby be 'too attached'?

[reformedjen]

As above - I'm overseas visiting family at the moment with my 11 month old (1 next week).

They've never met her. They all want to hold her and see her, but baby will not leave my side.

She was breast fed to 9 months (self weaned), we co sleep most nights at the moment etc etc, but she is in daycare full-time.

Baby girl will not let people hold her or touch her, and my husband and I will not allow people to force her. They keep trying to pick her up and she SCREAMS. She is suddenly saying 'mama' so much more and if she can't see me she yells it so loud. I try and put her on the floor, she holds my hand so I can't leave her. In the car, if someone else is in the backseat with her and not me, she screams.

I feel like I know the answer to this, she's in a new place with new people who are always in her face so of course she wants her safe space..

But I keep getting comments like 'oh she's very attached to her mother' and I wonder if she's... too attached?

We have no friends or family where we live so she doesn't spend time with other people at all, but she is in daycare full-time.

Idk what I want, just reassurance that this is normal because my family has started to make me think it's not?

 

[linhmaiha]

@reformedjen No. A baby cannot be too attached to a parent. This is a problem with society, not with your baby

 

[mh86]

@linhmaiha Definitely. Your baby is totally normal. I don’t hug strangers either.

 

[ebuzi]

@mh86 This made me LOL and is so true. They’re strangers to her - of course she’s not going to like sitting in their lap.

 

[californio]

@reformedjen Going through the same thing with my almost 11 month old at the moment. We are out of town visiting family and her separation anxiety is definitely higher than normal. She just wants mom. It makes sense. Everything is so different and new. I’m her safe space.

 

[corsican]

@californio Same. Except we just got back from the trip (just her and I) and now she doesn't even want to stay with her dad while I go pee. Major regression. I love her so much and I'm so fucking exhausted.

 

[californio]

@corsican Yeah, same! Dad is on the trip with us and she still just wants me. It’s a lot. I try to remind myself one day dad will be the preferred parent and I’ll probably be sad about it.

 

[corsican]

@californio How do you deal with dad's feeling of rejection? I'm really struggling to be kind when I'm the one who has to deal with the crazy baby after she loses her mind at him.

 

[californio]

@corsican Yeah, it’s hard. We are both pretty good at acknowledging that the situation just sucks for everyone. He feels rejected and I feel burnt out. I always remind him (and myself) that one day she will want him more than me. He helps out with so many other things, which helps with my burn out.

 

[corsican]

@californio That makes sense. Thanks for sharing your experience and good luck from one burnt mama to another

 

[chaz491]

@reformedjen Nope. Don’t fall for that and hug your baby all that they demand.

 

[jmaak]

@reformedjen we visited my family with our then 13 month old, it was an event cantered around him and people wanted to hold him. He screamed BLOODY MURDER the whole day. He was so clingy and attached to me and his father and everyone was commenting about how spoiled he is. Nobody was thinking that he’s in a new environment with people he doesn’t remember or has never met and new things are happening around him.

 

[lemons2lemonade]

@reformedjen Nope, no such thing. You are her safe space in new unfamiliar surroundings. Sounds like a lovely attachment to me. Good job mama.

 

[mskt]

@reformedjen I remember my baby was the same, whenever she got held by someone else she would cry immediately. Then I moved to Cambodia and everyone who saw her wanted to hold her, and at first I didn’t let anyone hold her except me and my husband, but now I realize it’s a cultural thing for people to hold babies here as a sign of their affection. So my baby got used to being passed to people she didn’t know, and they always handed her back to me if she started to cry. I found that the more she was held by strangers, the more she was okay with it in short bursts (she knew I was there the whole time.) Not sure where I was going with that, except that maybe in the west we don’t really have a village to support child rearing, and so it is only natural that our babies cry when passed around.

Maybe being in daycare, your baby wants to soak up as much time with you as she can when she’s not in daycare, because that is her time to be with the person she loves most in the world, and when that time gets taken up by new things like everyone in the family wanting to hold her, that causes her to be emotionally distraught.

I think her reaction is totally normal and there’s nothing to be worried about.

My one tip would be to FaceTime with your family on a regular basis so she gets used to seeing them.

 

[iccs]

@reformedjen

1. No a baby cannot be "too attached"
2. Some 'stranger danger'/separation anxiety is very normal at this age. I suspect it's something that evolved to keep baby close to their caregivers and safe as they start to walk abd explore.

 

[isabellatd2003]

@reformedjen It's so normal for a kid to feel this way about strangers. That's what they are to her. My daughter took like three visits over the course of a year to get used to her set of grandparents that live a five hour flight away, and she's still the most suspicious of them. And that age is the prime age for it. My daughter used to cry even if someone just came to the door that she didn't know.

Most natural thing in the world to want their mama when they are confused or nervous.

 

[lemons2lemonade]

@isabellatd2003 I'm 32 and still want my mama when I'm nervous nevermind a baby

 

[batgirl0078]

@reformedjen Id just like to add that some toddlers and babies do not want to be held when they start to crawl and walk. They have a biological drive to move, so being confined to someone's arms can be distressing. My 9 month old will only tolerate being held by me or her dad. I know people want to hold and cuddle babies to show love, but that is not how my baby receives love right now. She would much rather you smile and show her toys.

 

[heavenstudent]

@reformedjen This sounds like extremely normal 1 yr old behavior.

Your family sounds a little like.my in laws have sounded from time to time. They see my kid only occasionally and can be kind of in his face when they do which he hates so he gets clingy and then they make a lot of comments about how they've NEVER seen behavior like that in a kid so young! It made me feel really insecure. But I've realized now that it's really about their own insecurities and feelings about wishing they were closer to the little one.

 

[esdras]

@reformedjen No, my daughter was the same way. I prefer saying she is cautious rather than shy. It is her innate response to be scared of people she does not know are safe. Being cautious is nature’s way of keeping them alive. Your baby is normal. Yes, some babies are more social and love meeting new people, that is normal too. Temperament plays a big factor. Some children naturally fear strangers, some naturally do not. Both are normal and okay. I know it’s stressful and it feels like you can never get a break, but as time passes and she gets older it won’t be such a thing anymore. You’ve got this and you’re doing great!