Can’t stop missing the younger years

[relaxbuddy]

@emmanuel330990 The 5 love languages book isn’t bs at all. Some people feel and express love more with their words, some with gifts, some with acts of kindness, some with touch…what’s bs about that?

 

[heb1125]

@proangel Yes can relate hard! Even in the space of a few months my 13yo has gone from doing things with me on weekends to finding that abhorrent. I suddenly have a lot more free time which is bittersweet and confronting.

 

[justme12345678910]

@proangel I'm 50 with a just turned 15 year old. My other kids are in their late 20s. I miss her wanting to be in the room with me but I'm thankful she still wants to go swimming or shopping or to a movie with me. What does your daughter love? We do manicures or take aqua fitness together. It gives us time to talk in the car. What about taking a class together? I have to seek out ways to get her to engage and it doesn't always work. I know it's hard but she will mature and realize how much she needs you.

 

[rmb60]

@proangel I feel this so much. Mine is 12 and even 2 years ago was still huggy and kissy with me and wanted to be around me all the time. Now? Not so much.

 

[laurapalooza]

@proangel You're on your way toward an empty nest. It's lonely.

 

[seekingtruechurch]

@proangel I feel this as well. I just keep reminding myself they are still my favorite people, even if they don’t need me as much. But it’s so sad!

 

[n0bodee]

@proangel She will come back to you.. my eldest moved out at 17 .. we had our moments because she wanted more freedom .. she's 27 now and back with us .. and we are closer than b4 .. teen years are hard .. I also have 3 more daughter and the 16yr is hard work at times .. my youngest is 9 .. and I miss her being cute and hanging off me .. I think it's normal .. point at some point ul have grandchildren 2 dote over xx

 

[relaxbuddy]

@proangel Yes but in a few years from now when she’s reached adulthood she can be a good friend to you it will all work out.

 

[hummel2]

@proangel I can 100% relate to this.......

My husband and I met with a psychotherapist that met with our 15 year old to discuss family therapy. She got me perfectly....she said when I was pregnant and found out I was having a girl I had all these hopes and dreams to be best friends with my daughter and do everything together and have her confide in me.... When she was younger alot of that did happen. At about 13 she wants nothing to do with me and it's absolutely gutting. She says one day, we can be best friends.... I hope shes right. Things are so tough right now and I have to barely even talk to my 15 year to keep the peace in the house (and my feelings)

 

[jackier293]

@proangel It’s so good to hear this from orhers

 

[rileyrow010]

@proangel My son just graduated HS and is away at college. We play video games together and chat while we play. I loathe video games, and I'm terrible at them -- but I play them with him so I can spend time doing things that make him happy.

I know you miss the things you did with your daughter when she was younger, but let her take the lead in finding new things for you to do that interest her. It's the time together you miss, not specifically those activities. It's also a great way to learn more about your child and discover new talents and skills they have cultivated on their own.

Enjoy her! Time is flying by and she'll be off to college soon. Have fun her way, and enjoy the ride.

 

[jamieredheaduk]

@proangel Having 4 boys I was often relieved by that , seeing how my friends had such difficult and wrought relationships with their daughters .
Now days however ( maybe after a 5 year stretch ) they have relationships , go on trips , get coffee , snuggle and watch a show and my boys are in the wind as far as that stuff.

The hope here is that It appears that what you loose on hormones, individuating and the becoming of a teenage girl, you gain back tenfold in your future relationship!

 

[nikonian]

@proangel In the same boat. My childless friend was trying to console me by reminding me that this is natural. And I was like, “So are tornados and cancer.” Things can be natural and I can still hate them.

 

[wwjd9876]

@proangel I’m crying reading this. Thanks for the heads up and I could already imagining myself having a hard time in a few more years!

 

[proangel]

@wwjd9876 Be sure you’re making little videos of your kid. I took way more pictures than videos because of the kind of phone I had. I treasure the short videos I have of her talking to me.

 

[hopelyn]

@proangel I'm in the trenches with you. Tonight I have cried all my years as we start grade 10 stressing about what else I can lose of my daughter. Grade 9 was tough on both of us for different reasons.

I feel completely lost and scared.

For parents who have come thru the other side how old were your kids when you saw them coming back or at least not pushing away.

 

[lisasummer2012]

@proangel Going through this too. We used to do things together during the summer - small things, like make popcorn and watch a movie. She was my little buddy! Now, she would rather be with her friends. I am in mourning a bit, tbh.

 

[jocelynvenus]

@proangel I feel you. My daughter is 14 also but she's been individuating since she was around 11. But, it's been getting better. Now when she goes to bed I say "I looove you" down the stairs and she says, "Eww" or something to that effect. But, I take it to mean, I love you, too. I guess we just really have to try to meet them where they are and let them be who they are going to be.

 

[travis%E2%80%A0the%E2%80%A0baptist]

@proangel You’re not alone. I could have written this post. I have a 17 yr old and we were best buds up until about 15.

I miss a lot of our togetherness. And shenanigans.

What I try to do now is catch those moments where we’re close…those quick moments where we’re dancing, laughing or goofing around. And recognize that the essence of our relationship and closeness is still there, it’s still the same…. That will never change. That helps me.

But yes, I miss my little buddy like crazy.
Now I just pour that energy into my projects.

 

[proangel]

@travis%E2%80%A0the%E2%80%A0baptist Thanks. I’ve started looking harder for things to pour my energy into. Me and my daughter are not able to have that fun kid energy at all anymore, you’re lucky that it still happens. We had a lot of conflicts during the pandemic with her school being closed and her unwilling to do online learning. And the fact that our family is only us, the two of us, makes a difference. All those conflicts just changed us and there’s no going back. I am trying harder to appreciate the good things we DO have, like taking the dogs on walks or just driving somewhere together. I have to accept that we are not going to be close—how could I make her be close to me if she doesn’t want to? I have to accept reality. It’s helped so much though to hear that other parents have felt similarly.