Being a single rant

[oswald3%C3%A1]

@chris07ss This. I work full time, and also have a widowed mom who needs support (emotionally, not financially). I decided last year that a relationship was not in the cards right now. When I do have free time (I have a 50/50 split with my ex), the last thing I feel like doing is going out. Prior to my dad passing away I did date off and on, but I didn’t have much luck. It felt like far too much effort, and very little return.

I really don’t feel lonely, TBH. For me, I much prefer to stay single than continue to be frustrated by the nuances of dating. I have to consider my child’s needs, first, and I have yet to meet someone I would consider introducing her to. For now, it’s status quo. As far as feeling lonely, that’s a deep, introspective dive. I decided to get more involved with school and community events. Staying busy helps a lot.

 

[debsy17]

@jcphan47 I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for sympathy for how hard being a single parent is? Lol.

It's fucking hard!

 

[lewisr]

@debsy17 Fuck yeah it's hard. Hardest thing I have ever taken on. And it wasn't my choice. She decided that she didn't love me anymore so I lost my family. It hurt me so bad. So bad. That's a scar that I feel like ain't ever gonna heal. I hope it will but it still is there.

 

[desmondgoomb]

@jcphan47 I can relate to this post. Heavy.

 

[evilarm]

@jcphan47 Hear hear! Same boat sis. It sucks.

 

[olmes]

@jcphan47 I’m exactly where you are. Single mom to a 3 year old. His father is also an A.H. And I’m struggling with the loneliness too. I try to fill my time with work and my son, family and the little friends I do have. But at the end of the day I’m still lonely…everyone around me is in a relationship so it gets to you. But like you, I’m trying. I don’t know if I’ll ever find a partner, but I long for it just like you do. I’ve tried to date, my parents are supportive of it so I get a night a week usually, but nothing substantial has come of it. Maybe in time. I hope we both get the family we long for and a true life partner.

 

[norm]

@jcphan47 Oh honey! I promise the older they get the more company they are, with your kid or kids you are never alone it can get lonely but that tiny human quickly becomes your best friend!

 

[djstav]

@jcphan47 I’m a single parent of 4 kids. I’m in the same boat. I’m just here to commiserate. It sucks. My youngest is now 5, and I keep thinking it’s going to get better. I have no friends and my closest family members are 3 hours away and don’t want to come visit, literally ever. It’s impossible to not feel completely isolated. I’m sorry you feel it too.

 

[christiantracks]

@jcphan47 Not a narc mom but a narc dad and a mom who doesn’t really bother much unless she can directly talk to my daughter. I’m in such a similar situation and I just feel you. I feel like I failed my daughter too. I feel like I let her down and worry she will grow up longing for a dad she may never have. I’m having a hard time with it. I hope one day things can change but I’m definitely not holding my breath since I really just don’t have the time.

 

[reeny]

@jcphan47 highly recommend the "peanut" app. It's like tinder for finding mom friends who are looking for the exact same things you are, without the burden of them being mom friends know/grew up with.

 

[billvelek]

@jcphan47 Sorry you’re struggling. I understand your pain!

I am a single mum (32F) and recently started thinking about trying to start dating but is very daunting and probably not going to happen

 

[sugoi]

@jcphan47 Girl, a lot of those families you’re staring at aren’t happy. A lot of those kids aren’t growing up happy in a loving home like your son is. Hold that thought with you every day whenever you’re looking at happy little families. I’ve had so many people tell me how envious they were of mine and it was a shit show behind close doors.

Your son is growing up knowing what a loving, healthy home is. It’s the greatest gift you can give a child.

 

[jettfrancis]

@jcphan47 I'm a single dad of a 9 year old girl, Mom is out of picture due to drugs and or mental illness. So I feel your pain don't give up, sounds like your still young you'll be ok. I sometimes wish I could find somebody but then I think what my baby's mother was like and I give that idea up, think I'd rather be lonely on that end. My daughter is like my friend now take her camping every summer go out and eat once a week with her, try to just enjoy time with her. When your little boy starts talking allot he'll become your best friend things will get better, don't let your happiness rely on other people. I do have supportive parents who help me with her butt if I'm not working and she's not in school she's with me.

 

[barnesch]

@jcphan47 We living parallel lives or what? I feel you, I've been there and I'm pretty much still there . 3yr old and a 6month old now.. smh.. it's hard AF to do anything! Simple run in and buy a gallon of milk turns I to a 45 min ordeal just getting shoes on and in the the .. tac on another 30 mins finding a cart and deciding which one to put in first or where to put cart so it doesn't roll away, but d. Car only has q door lock so I'm pulling a Chinese fire drill all by myself putting kids in buggy.... Smh... but what suck THE most and hurts.. is those moments you see them learn something new or say something so darn cute or their personality shines.. and there is no one to turn to share it .. or see it or actually even really care what's going on. I literally moved out to a farm for awhile and no one called or checked in on me for months ..
And now my boys see me as mommy and playmate and mommy Dr and cooker and hugs and kisses reassurance but not as an authoritative figure at All... And I barely have energy to do what need to get done.. and the rest is causing and cooking and changing diapers and worrying if I'm giving them the tools they require to survive this wicked world.
We have the basics.. and they get many wants.. but I refuse to let anyone back n forth in and out their life like is normal for many of my family, not allow any more toxicity then there has to be, breaking their heart , not showing up... Hurts me more then all heartbreaks.. watching their hearts and hopes shatter.
But I fell ya... May the force be with you ma!
Do the best we can, you can't really fix a broken man, but you can raise men that aren't broken .. learn from mistakes and try again... But I miss someone there.. that actually cares.. missing piece for sure... But I refuse to fill the void with anyone... Breaking the cycle

 

[enduring_one]

@jcphan47 Its so lonely for sure but I’m happy you got yourself out of the toxic relationship I had to deal with the same. I have been looking for a support group of people who are on both sides of being parents. When I have my days off, or early shift, or just drive to see him for a few minutes I will try anything. His mom had to go through a tough surgery and she can’t work so I’m trying to figure out how to go from spilt custody to sole custody. I spent the last year focusing on work and my mental and physical health. I haven’t dated I just haven’t put myself out there yet. I wanted to accomplish getting on my own feet and get my own place and show my son that I am able to support him by myself. I can get help with babysitting but he really worries about his mom and I understand so that’s the tough decision do I do what I think is the best or keep it the same, my son is happy and the co parenting is actually getting better. I just wish her bf would try to communicate more. I have introduced myself, invited them all to BBQ and come see that I have a safe place. I just don’t understand why he just stands there with his head down but I guess it’s none of my business as long as my son is happy and safe, just weird and when I ask my ex she doesn’t say much either or tell me much. I guess in mediation I’ll bring it up, any suggestions would be appreciated! I have an appointment with an attorney to asked so many questions. As for you reaching out to support groups in your area or in a few cases when at the park I would start a conversation with the parent who is playing together with my son and a couple times I have exchanged numbers to set up play dates. The scariest thing I did was last year before the school ended I attended a PTA meeting and nervously spoke up about the situation and I have so much support and once parents of his best friends knew I was his dad I did the same by exchanging numbers and got invited to his best friends birthday which we went to on 4 different occasions. Parents really do stick together and support each other. I was overwhelmed how it went and yes a little emotional but I was proud of myself. So maybe that’s an option try finding a playground for kids in your kids age and try opening up and introducing yourself and don’t be afraid because the other parent is wanting to do the same and is opening to kids being around other kids. This last summer I think my son has grown the most with confidence and I’m excited for this school year

 

[lernestof]

@jcphan47 Hang in there. I’m a single mom to a boy about to turn 8. He doesn’t have a dad and my parents both passed away a few years ago so it’s just us. It is hard, and lonely. And it’s true that it takes a village. I would recommend Bumble’s BFF site, you can find people your age with kids. It’s helpful to have friends, you can share babysitting days so that you can have time to decompress or date. I have a great friend that will watch my son for the weekend, and she has kids his age. That has enabled me to meet sometime and have a relationship.

Us moms need to take care of ourselves too.

 

[chasetheking]

@jcphan47 I have one boy who is 13 now and is my bestie! I was lucky that my mother was there during those early years which can be exhausting. By the time he is 5 years and in school you will have a little more freedom. He will settle down a bit and you guys will be each others companions. One thing I do regret is not making dating a priority once things settled down a bit in my life when I was in my thirties. I think I was just scared of getting hurt. But you should not give up on dating once he gets a little bit older. Hang in there honey. You will make it.

 

[papermomma]

@jcphan47 I feel you on that front with being a single mum with only a few friends, it’s not easy…

Not interested in dating as the partner chosen in the past was also abusive, coercive, controlling and aggressive… and has really shown his colours, narcissists shine very brightly

My children are older and are interested in money and what they can buy… so of course that is the sweetener he uses on them…

Navigating this “broken” style home is rough… it’s not for the weak, “fighting” (for lack of better words) for your kids is worth it… I’m just trying to give my kids a good life…

 

[tzaddik]

@jcphan47 Keep going mama I know it must feel like crap at the moment. I understand your venting, life has not been fair for you. It sounds like you really love and care for your son so keep yourself healthy for yours and his sake. I won’t give advice on how you should do this but this platform is a good place to start. I have got some great advice from users and it feels like a support network.

 

[wbart6544]

@jcphan47 Amen they should make a single parent get together