Aunt wants to go back to school shopping.

[jbblkh]

Okay I’m not sure that this is the right place to ask.. or maybe I’m just venting? We are a 1 income household with no mortgage, just bills. We have 4 kids (12, 7, 4 & 3). I am very much a thrifting/yard sale kinda person. So for back to school the only things that we buy new are shoes or supplies. Almost always my MIL covers school supplies, backpacks & all.
My husband’s aunt always has gifts for the kids (if they say “hey aunt these things are cool” she comes back with said ‘cool’ things). She has always been this way with the kids. She’s well off.
So I was talking on the phone with my MIL & aunt happened to be close by. I was telling her that this school year back to school shopping was gonna be a bit chaotic cuz we’re gonna have 3 going to school instead of 2. Aunt heard & she said “don’t worry about it I got it covered. When it comes closer to August we’ll go out shopping.” Aunt doesn’t like thrifting (which is fine, it’s not for everyone) she’d rather just go to the store & buy it. I said thank you & that was it. Well between the time of the call & now, my husband got a job. He was self employed before & we were struggling with extra funds for awhile. We’ve been putting money aside from each check & there was some sales on shoes so I got each kid a pair. I mentioned this to my MIL & she was irritated (I’m just assuming because of the way she said it) said “I don’t know why you did that, aunt is gonna buy them stuff anyways”).
They (aunt&MIL) do A LOT for us. I appreciate it 100%. But I feel like if we’re able to then we should be providing for the kids.
I told my husband what happen with his mom & how I felt about it. He said that I was kinda being unappreciative about it because it would seem like I’m taking that intention of aunt helping away from her. I don’t want her to feel like that way either.. idk am I in the wrong?

 

[adam80]

@jbblkh You’re not wrong for buying your kids stuff! But if aunt loves to get them things and you’re not being over run with impractical gifts/stuff, which it doesn’t seem like…I’d just accept whatever she wants to gift your family and use your own money to provide in other ways. Some people show love by gifting and it doesn’t reflect on you not being able to provide!

 

[jbblkh]

@adam80 Thanks for the input. Maybe I’m just overthinking (I always do) things. Making it more complicated on myself.

 

[mem5]

@jbblkh Yeah, I wouldn’t sweat this too much. You have two loving and generous people who want to help provide for your kids. That is their motive behind it and nothing for them has changed. It was decent of you to inform them that your circumstances have changed, but it sounds like this is something they enjoy doing.

 

[hajj913]

@jbblkh My mom is like this too and I always feel guilty, buy this isna nice way to think about it.

 

[kwb000]

@jbblkh My Nana always said “I’d rather spend my money on you now and watch you enjoy it than wait until I die for you to get it” If she was here today, she would have something new for my toddler every week lol

I understand wanting to be the one to provide for your child, but there’s also nothing wrong with accepting help when offered. I overthink a lot, when I first had my son (I do suffer PPA) my spouse’s aunt gave us money for the baby and I thought she was saying “since you don’t work, let me help do your job of supporting your baby” when really it meant “I live far away and I just want to help cause I know how hard starting out can be”

Sometimes we provide even more for our children when we accept help from others. Your aunt buys them things and you can use what you saved to buy little extras for them! Or put it up for something else. You’re doing great though.

 

[jbblkh]

@kwb000 I like what you said at the end. I appreciate your input. I didn’t see it that way.

 

[mario1504]

@jbblkh OP, do you come from a different tax bracket than your husband? If so it sounds like a difference in values due to different life circumstances. My husband and I are similar, and his family on both sides has accepted help for buying homes etc, and apparently it’s seen as the norm. Giving the younger generation money is kind of how rich people show they love you whereas poorer/middle class people highly value pulling their own weight and not getting handouts.

 

[jbblkh]

@mario1504 I guess we do. His mom & aunt mostly. Which are the family were around the most.
I didn’t see it that way.. I just feel bad cuz that would be more than $500 just for 1 kid…

 

[caoc24843]

@jbblkh Take the help. We are very comfortable financially and my mom is quite well off. She loves to buy the kids things, contribute to education savings and pay for trips. She buys me groceries sometimes and always pays when we eat out together. It’s another way of caring and all out of love.

 

[arrows]

@jbblkh Just take the help. That will give you the ability to flex your money elsewhere. It would be different if there were harsh strings attached but it doesn’t sound like it. And I definitely understand the hesitation. I was you with my husband’s family. And we actually are doing very well for ourselves even with me not working right now. But if his aunt wants to buy us the plane tickets to visit or whatever else she feels like spending money on, that is that much less we need to buy!

 

[saltandpepper]

@jbblkh If buying shoes was just recently a tight financial decision, then please save your money! You want a cushion ideally, I'm sure at least one kid will outgrow their back to school shoes during the school year, etc etc.

 

[jebadoa]

@jbblkh It’s not an issue. Kids can have multiple pairs of shoes.

 

[shek]

@jbblkh Have you ever said “oh my goodness I just don’t want you to feel obligated, but I love that you love the kids” and see what they say? I feel like you don’t want them to feel taken advantage of and they want to show their love for the kids and there has to be a middle ground to make everyone happy!

 

[jbblkh]

@shek I have said in the past things like “you really don’t have to!” But she insists & I I’ve learned to just receive it with gratitude & know that it isn’t coming from any other place than love.

 

[shek]

@jbblkh I really think that’s the best way. They obviously want to spoil the kids because they love them, and love you, and they want to do something PRACTICAL instead of overstepping and filling your house up with toys that will end up in the bin.

 

[kmama]

@jbblkh Maybe. I could be wrong. They see thus as an opportunity to spend time with your kids and help with a boring but necessary expense at the same time. Idk if you shop in person or online. They're thinking "awww I was excited to pick out a cute outfit for their first day and now they don't need me."

Just playing devil's advocate. Don't worry their feet will grow in October and you can buy more shoes.

 

[gr82bfreenjesus]

@jbblkh I only have one kid but it's nice to have more than one pair of shoes. She has crocs, water shoes, running shoes, rainboots, snowboots, sandals, pool slides, dress up shoes.... wow if I had 4 kids I would probably cut back but we use all these shoes in rotation. I also like to have 2 pairs of running / school shoes to rotate. Unless you're a minimalist I think there is still room for aunt to buy shoes and clothes.

 

[jbblkh]

@gr82bfreenjesus They usually get 3 pairs of shoes for back to school. 2 to rotate throughout the week & I size bigger for when the first 2 run small. I was buying a little at a time.
But now seeing everyone’s perspective on everything & talking to my husband about it all.. I am gonna take the help. I was only seeing it my way & overthinking the situation.

 

[gr82bfreenjesus]

@jbblkh I don't think you're wrong for buying your kid stuff at all. And you get to decide what comes into your home. But if you feel.like you could make room for more school stuff amd your kids want it I would accept the gift.