At what point do you stop giving coparent info?

[corumab]

@katrina2017 Or - here’s a wild take - if dad wants to talk to son, HE can make the call rather than waiting for son to do it. “The phones go both ways” was used on me as a kid and it was the most bullshit excuse ever to not reach out.

I would never ever ever teach my son to hound someone like that, especially if he himself wasn’t into it. Why? Just to set him up for disappointment when it leads nowhere? If he came to me saying “dad didn’t text me today” then I would find out when they last spoke, who reached out last, etc. If it was him two days ago, I might suggest he try again and maybe dad just opened it and forgot to respond. But if he showed me his text records and it was just a series of “hey dad I love you” and “hey dad what’s up” I’d just say “I’m sorry kiddo, why don’t you just find something to keep yourself busy? Maybe he’ll text later.”

 

[jacquiepenny]

@katrina2017 If you think there’s responsibility in “teaching the child to maintain relationships” then dad should model that by maintaining the relationship. Another part of teaching children to maintain healthy relationships is to teach them to set boundaries with people who don’t make the same effort to them. Dad is not so oh well he gets that same energy back.

 

[nguyencuong9102]

@katrina2017 Nope.

It is mom's responsibility to make sure dad has ACCESS, which she has done.

 

[fockerjv]

@themrsbeth So my husband's doesn't always ask to be kept in the loop about things because she's narcissistic, and we've had to parallel parent and use the grey rock method. However, the obvious expectation is the exception in the event of any medical emergencies. BUT we do our best to communicate with them as they have their own cellphones about life, school, and everything in between. You're absolutely not in the wrong to not feel obligated to send him weekly reports or remind him to communicate with your child. That is 100% on him no matter how busy the military life can be (personal experience with this).

 

[ornan88]

@themrsbeth My custody agreement requires I share/forward any info from the school. So I just hit fwd and call it a day…. Part 2 of your issue is harder. Your son has a phone and dad can call whenever he wants without you being involved. It’s not your job to be his secretary. He’s an adult but looking to place blame on you for his shortcomings. Don’t engage when he mentions this.

 

[gentleaura]

@themrsbeth I wonder what it would look/feel like to send a weekly summary email on Fridays of main points of interest eg:

School Concerns this week

Health concerns this week

Emotional Concerns this week

Interpersonal Relationship concerns this week

Other Inf to be aware of

A simple templated email such as this, where most of the headings would likely have a body of NA would likely only take a couple minutes to send, and would remove the complaint of keeping co-parent in the loop.

 

[sarabailey]

@themrsbeth I feel this post!!! I don't know if this will work with your situation, but I ended up very calmly telling my ex that I felt bad we could not find a compromise and we should bring in the mediator to help us get there. He hated the idea of having a 3rd party involved, especially anything court/state, so he was able to communicate better in that situation, and we found a middle ground.

 

[essentialsaltes]

@themrsbeth Oh fucking well. For real. This is a guy that fucking lives, what, 1300 miles away half way across the fucking country, and he wants YOU and his EIGHT YEAR OLD CHILD to take the lead in contact with HIS FUCKING CHILD......

Fuck him. He wants a more active role maybe he should... Oh I don't know, move to fucking Texas for a start! Just fucking maybe. North Carolina.... Jesus fucking tits. It's 1300 miles away.

 

[rjsant]

@themrsbeth Always communicate as if you are speaking in court or to a judge. Do what you need to look good in the eyes of court. As far as calling, set up a time daily for your ex to call. If he doesn't call, that's on him. Just document how much he doesn't call.