Asian parent trying to speak Spanish. Feeling judged

[sholay2011]

I’m a fourth generation Japanese American. I don’t speak Japanese anymore unfortunately (or at least not fluent at all lol). On the other hand, I speak Spanish, Portuguese, and French to a passable level (I’d say around B2+).

We live in southern california so I thought I’d try speaking some Spanish to my 1.5 year old. However, sometimes I feel like I’m being stared and sneered at at public places. Probably they thought it’s weird to see an Asian family speaking Spanish?

Or maybe should I switch to a different language, e.g., Portuguese or French instead. Brazil has a large japanese community and there’s a bunch of asian french from indochina, so i’d guess it’s less “weird” to see an asian family speaking those languages. And then my child should be able to pick up spanish easily anyway later in life if they choose to.

 

[pterinochilus]

@sholay2011

We live in southern california so I thought I’d try speaking some Spanish to my 1.5 year old. However, sometimes I feel like I’m being stared and sneered at at public places. Probably they thought it’s weird to see an Asian family speaking Spanish?

The haters can suck it. If they get weirded out by a Japanese-American speaking Spanish, then they need to be reminded that Alberto Fujimori ruled Perú (poorly, but ruled nonetheless) throughout the 90's (sidenote: Freaking Perú had an Asian president before the United States!). Asians emigrated to Latin America, too, and there are many Japanese and Chinese communities in the Spanish-speaking world.

That being said, B2 will get you enough vocabulary for a tot. I am at similar levels with Italian language and was able to hold a thorough conversation with a 4-year-old.

If you are putting your kid into daycare, definitely choose one where the staff speak Spanish.

 

[postmalone]

@sholay2011 Please don’t choose a language to teach your kids based on what strangers will think or do. Do what you want. If it’s Spanish then go for it.

I am white presenting with South American immigrant parents and even I get stares when I speak Spanish to my blonde haired blue eyed kids in public and they respond in perfect Spanish. Who cares? Any stranger that has ever engaged me on the subject says something like “oh what language are you speaking?” And then they in reality think it’s very cool and comment how great it is that I’m teaching my kids a second language.

You might feel more self conscious because the language is not native to you or your heritage. But you can’t change that and teaching the language skill is much more important than what others might say or think. While it might be surprising to see an Asian family speaking Spanish (hence the stares), you might find most people think actually think it’s really cool and wish they’d learned a second language growing up or had the language ability to do what you’re doing with their own children.

I’d carry on and not worry about anyone else.

 

[jrbuckley]

@postmalone I can relate to this. I’m white/gringa but people often think I’m latina. My daughter IS latina but has blue eyes and light hair. People often think I’m the latina nanny exposing someone’s gringa child to Spanish (“wow, her family is so lucky to have found you!”). I’ve never had people speak negatively to me about it, but I do at times get stares.

 

[postmalone]

@jrbuckley Sometimes I think people think I might be the babysitter too but I’ve always assumed it’s because I look very young for my age. I’ve never considered it’s because of the language thing. Maybe it’s a combo of both!

I think people are just trying to make sense of the world around them for the most part and I try to be pretty forgiving. However, folks should just stop trying to assume things because you never know when you’re going to be straight up wrong about a situation. But I try to take it all in stride!

 

[jaxxyy]

@sholay2011 This reminds me of that one skit of some white guy ordering in Spanish and some white lady came up to him and said it was offensive and he was like lady, I was born in Mexico!
Language doesn’t have a color. Spanish is a great language especially in Southern CA. I’m Pacific Islander but all the Chicanos I grew up with never hated on me when I tried to speak Spanish. People who hate on others for learning a new language are just ignorant.

 

[heartthaw]

@sholay2011 Honestly? Why do you even care? They are strangers. Correct if I’m wrong (really) but Spanish is spoken by a large group in USA. I’d stick to it, it may be useful in the future. You do you. If they look funny…. Well, you are learning and teaching something. There’s no reason to be ashamed. They should be embarrassed by their own ignorance.

 

[godmadegorillas]

@sholay2011 I agree with everything the other commenter said. If you speak all languages at about the same level, I'd personally choose to focus on the language that I can find the largest local community for. So for example, if there are a lot more people, nannies, events, playgroups etc in Portuguese compared to Spanish or French, I'd focus on teaching your toddler Portuguese. This way it's easier for your child to learn and practice this language outside of just interacting with you.

 

[aldredian]

@sholay2011 Who cares what people think?

I remember having older Aussies wowing about my English and I'm like, "......I grew up here." At one point, seeing Asian people speaking English was weird for some people and now, MOST people don't bat an eyelid.

People need to stop making assumptions.

 

[fromissouri]

@sholay2011 Before moving back to Spain, I was a bit concerned about how my native peers would react to me speaking solely in English to our 2yo. I've lived the last 9 years in the UK, I can barely have a conversation solely in Spanish anymore, I dream in English, I read and consume all media in English... But I know I still have a thick accent. My husband's aunts married Englishmen 30years ago, lived there and they still have an accent. So i took it as inevitable that people will notice I am as Spanish as anybody else, refusing to speak in Spanish with my own daughter. I expected the worst, I counted on off looks and passive-aggressive comments. I prepared to feel embarrassed every day while trying to tune out all the criticism...

It's been 7months since we moved back and I honestly don't even realise how people look at us. The people that have actually commented anything at all just did so to encourage us to keep doing it and congratulate us for having a bilingual kid so young. Maybe there rest of the people is judging me silently? Who cares? Our daughter is thriving and happy.

Why do you care if closed-minded monolingual people judge your parenting decisions? Specially since any negative judgement would likely come from a place of envy?

You are doing your best to pass valuable skills to your child. That is something to be commended and encouraged. Something worth any odd look. So start to work on how to tune them out, so you can teach your kid to do the same

 

[yosoy220]

@sholay2011 My wife is Japanese Mexican and I am Taiwanese, and we speak Spanish and Mandarin to our kid. We visit our families in SoCal regularly and never once did we notice people acting any different—probably because we just don’t pay them any attention.

 

[john861]

@sholay2011 I'm also an Asian polyglot but live in Colorado. I quite regularly speak in Spanish with my elementary-aged adoptive mixed-race daughter in public. She doesn't look Asian or especially Hispanic, but it's a part of our family's heritage. My wife is Basque and my Chinese family of origin has become quite Hispanicized over the generations since my ancestors arrived in the United States.

We also speak snippets of my native Cantonese at home (my wife and daughter have both picked up a bit from me), though I haven't managed to pass quite as much of that along mostly for the sheer lack of other native speakers around with whom we can practice.

The Spanish does sometimes occasion a double-take from folks at the sheer mental incongruity, but I've found that for my very multiethnic family at least, sharing a foreign language in public does help to cement the idea in folks' minds that yes, we are actually a family—especially if it happens to be just me and my daughter out and about.

In truth, most onlookers are just curious or a little surprised rather than hostile. Over the years, we've managed to randomly connect with a few friendly abuelas who noticed and appreciated that our rather family shares their native tongue and occasionally help more recent immigrants with impromptu translations in a pickle. I wouldn't give up these formative experiences for my kid for anything.

The few that just stare or give you a hard time though, they can vete al cuerno! From my perspective, language and culture are intangible treasures that we've received from our elders and truly deserve to be passed into the hands of future generations—just as much as a monetary inheritance from a grandparent's will. Your kid would be so much more impoverished to not have knowledge of Spanish—especially in a place like SoCal. And just for the sake of a few benighted and likely racist randos' opinions?! Let them pound sand.

If you can, strongly consider putting your kid into a school that's predominantly Spanish-speaking and Spanish-friendly as they grow up. Continued exposure outside of the family matters a lot with continued language acquisition and the normalization of speaking Spanish. There's already plenty enough of pressure to conform to only speaking English in the community. They don't need that at school too.

You shouldn't have a hard time finding a school like that especially in Southern California. I mean, I'm an A2 speaker and am already learning a fair bit of additional vocabulary and having my poor grammar occasionally corrected via my daughter picking it up from her classmates and teachers.

Having grown up in Southern California myself, I really think the reaccs that you get might vary depending on what parts of town you're in. I grew up in Lincoln Heights in Los Angeles and you'd occasionally run into Asians there who spoke Spanish as the local lingua franca. It wasn't commonplace but also not so rare that it'd be a spectacle. Maybe in other "paler" parts of SoCal?

 

[wem16211]

@sholay2011 Screw that noise. It's SoCal, no one should be surprised by anyone speaking Spanish. Don't make parenting decisions based on what strangers think.

 

[larhonda]

@sholay2011 I'm also AsAm, married to Latina. I grew up in Texas, so speak Spanish occasionally, often badly, but sometimes also reflexively, to my kids. It's a part of my life, as I'm sure it's a part of yours.

You do you. Don't let anyone make you feel awkward or bad about it.

 

[jrbuckley]

@sholay2011 Keep on keeping on. Your child/children are going to be so lucky to be exposed to such a useful language!

 

[katrina2017]

@sholay2011 You shouldn't make assumptions about what people think. 9 out of 10 times you will be wrong. It is best to give people the benefit of the doubt. Being too empathetic is not good. And even if they did think it was weird? So, what? It has nothing to do with them. Why should you care what a bunch of idiots think? They're probably the same people who would sneer at Hispanic families for speaking Spanish in public.