@sunflower232 Daycare costs are draining us. My husband makes about 6 figures, but he's in sales tied to the housing market and brought home practically nothing in commission (just his decent hourly pay) since last October. I also took 3 months of unpaid leave so I could have 7 months off with my newborn. This year has been SO rough financially.
Are we the only ones struggling financially?
- Thread starter sunflower232
- Start date
-
- Tags
- vent working moms
@sunflower232 Not alone, times are tough. We were renting but got renovicted by our greedy landlord. We have a national housing crisis in my country. So now we live at our in laws and continue saving for our eventual, hopeful house purchase.
@sunflower232 nope. we have a very nice household income, but even us, over the last week I have taken a serious look at our finances and I just cannot believe where the money is going. I have to cut down on some things but the groceries, the gas, its killing us. The increase in utilities, its maddening. It makes me wonder how everyone is getting on? Especially those in worse off situations..
katrina2017
New member
@sunflower232 Yes. I’ve been lucky enough to work as needed because of daycare costs but we’re also in the boat of “if it isn’t one thing it’s another”. Husband’s tire popped on the interstate, $600 later for two replacements. My tires were bald (60k miles), another $600. Dog had a seizure and had to go to emergency vet +$2000. House flooded. We get one thing done & then bam, back to square one.
chris123gx
New member
@sunflower232 Struggle bus over here too.
Both my partner and I make decent money (compared to what I grew up with), about $100k/year combined in a HCOL area with a 4yo and a 3mo, no pets.
4yo is going into kinder, but we’ll still have a $240/month after school care bill, plus $850/month for the baby. Then after all other expenses we have about $200/month left which typically goes to other expenses that pop up.
We currently live about 30mins from each of our jobs bc housing is kinda cheaper here than the areas our jobs are in, and we want to move to a lower COL area, but neither of our jobs can transfer without taking a massive pay cut which kinda defeats the purpose. Plus, we’re renting bc we’re not in a place to buy (and that’s hella expensive too).
I hate struggling. I grew up in extreme poverty and always had dreams of providing a better life for my children. Granted, we’re not going without power or water or food like I did, but I still can’t give them everything I want to and I hate that. My daughter always asks if we can go to the beach (she saw it on a movie) but I’ve never been able to take her simply bc we don’t have the extra funds to save for vacations. Best I can do is the crap “water park” we have where I live
Both my partner and I make decent money (compared to what I grew up with), about $100k/year combined in a HCOL area with a 4yo and a 3mo, no pets.
4yo is going into kinder, but we’ll still have a $240/month after school care bill, plus $850/month for the baby. Then after all other expenses we have about $200/month left which typically goes to other expenses that pop up.
We currently live about 30mins from each of our jobs bc housing is kinda cheaper here than the areas our jobs are in, and we want to move to a lower COL area, but neither of our jobs can transfer without taking a massive pay cut which kinda defeats the purpose. Plus, we’re renting bc we’re not in a place to buy (and that’s hella expensive too).
I hate struggling. I grew up in extreme poverty and always had dreams of providing a better life for my children. Granted, we’re not going without power or water or food like I did, but I still can’t give them everything I want to and I hate that. My daughter always asks if we can go to the beach (she saw it on a movie) but I’ve never been able to take her simply bc we don’t have the extra funds to save for vacations. Best I can do is the crap “water park” we have where I live
@chris123gx You are doing better!! Remember that. Also, 4 and under 1 is not much fun at the beach (dare I say, downright MISERABLE?!?). But, seriously. Maybe put that goal years out (like 5-10) and see if it's possible or at least less crushing. That is, if you also like the beach. 
designatedvirus
New member
@sunflower232 Have you applied for a home equity line of credit? It can be really helpful for these surprise home repairs!
Other than that, we're okay right now, but food costs have definitely caught us. We're expecting our second baby in February/March. Some time starting next June we will have roughly a year and three months where we are paying for two in childcare before our daughter goes to school (then it's just camps and other childcare, which seems much more manageable).
We need to contribute more to retirement and get 529s started, even if we're only contributing a little.
Living in a HCOL is hard.
Other than that, we're okay right now, but food costs have definitely caught us. We're expecting our second baby in February/March. Some time starting next June we will have roughly a year and three months where we are paying for two in childcare before our daughter goes to school (then it's just camps and other childcare, which seems much more manageable).
We need to contribute more to retirement and get 529s started, even if we're only contributing a little.
Living in a HCOL is hard.
@sunflower232 Same. Two professionals, one in daycare, one on the way, and only one working vehicle. We live in a very modest townhome. We don't do any extracurricular activities really. We home cook meals, minus my fast food runs cause I'm pregnant. My husband fishes but.. he already owns what he needs so it just costs the gas money it takes to go up the street to lakes and rivers. At most, I occasionally treat myself to a bottle of nailpolish. That's my big splurge. Wish I was kidding. No fancy clothes or purses, hadn't been on a vacation since 2016. America kinda low-key sucks lol. Been working full time 19 years. Our savings gets drained for health reasons. And yes we both have health insurance.
@sunflower232 Our homeowners insurance has gone up, adding $300/month to our mortgage payment and when student loans restart, that’s another $1,200/month.
That’s on top of a new $500/month payment for some unavoidable emergency dental work and $400/month for my daughters necessary medications.
We do well financially but it gets drained so, so fast
That’s on top of a new $500/month payment for some unavoidable emergency dental work and $400/month for my daughters necessary medications.
We do well financially but it gets drained so, so fast
victoriablackwell
New member
@sunflower232 Yes, same. Every time we feel like our feet gets underneath us, something happens:
- we had to replace our roof - $10k
- a/c went out, and we did furnace too - $6k
- my (paid off) car was stolen in October… now we have car payments of $200/month for the new (used) car
- cat was put on a special diet and prescription food costs $75/bag. And she has meds too. Vet keeps talking about doing ultrasounds but I can’t.
We have a bunch on our credit cards too. I wouldn’t say we are super-duper frugal (we have a cleaning person, we get takeout 1x/week, we have a vacation planned for next year). But most of the time, we are at home, at the park, at the zoo where we have a membership (gifted). Our vacation is to a house our in-laws are renting for the winter months so we only have to pay airfare. But it feels like we’re always stretched soooo thin and whenever we get close to feeling better a really big expense sets us back. It’s defeating.
- we had to replace our roof - $10k
- a/c went out, and we did furnace too - $6k
- my (paid off) car was stolen in October… now we have car payments of $200/month for the new (used) car
- cat was put on a special diet and prescription food costs $75/bag. And she has meds too. Vet keeps talking about doing ultrasounds but I can’t.
We have a bunch on our credit cards too. I wouldn’t say we are super-duper frugal (we have a cleaning person, we get takeout 1x/week, we have a vacation planned for next year). But most of the time, we are at home, at the park, at the zoo where we have a membership (gifted). Our vacation is to a house our in-laws are renting for the winter months so we only have to pay airfare. But it feels like we’re always stretched soooo thin and whenever we get close to feeling better a really big expense sets us back. It’s defeating.
@sunflower232 Same here. We had a second pregnancy loss, so we got the two ER bills, the water heater went out, a ball baring went out on my vehicle. A bunch of friends are pregnant. Then we got another bill from the ER doctor. That was March-May.
It’s ridiculous.
It’s ridiculous.
katrina2017
New member
@sunflower232 We both have very well paying jobs, 1 kid (paying premium for a nanny due to our demanding/odd hour jobs), fortunate enough to be debt free minus house/cars (took years), and we have not been able to add to our savings the past few years. I’m glad we aren’t going backwards but very frustrating to not be able to save more because we live very simply so it’s not like we’re splurging on gadgets, clothes, trips.
For me, I believe it comes down to:
1) paying a high premium in childcare (so a relatively short term expense, in scheme of things)
2) moved from very LCOL state to one of the highest (due to work). Cannot wait to get back to a cheaper area. I truly don’t know how lower/middle class survive here, I would never live here if it wasn’t for work
For me, I believe it comes down to:
1) paying a high premium in childcare (so a relatively short term expense, in scheme of things)
2) moved from very LCOL state to one of the highest (due to work). Cannot wait to get back to a cheaper area. I truly don’t know how lower/middle class survive here, I would never live here if it wasn’t for work
genghis1657
New member
@sunflower232 we're doing slightly better than paycheck to paycheck here. Purchased a house in April because we were able to find one meeting our needs and with mortgage payments less than our rent would have been. Rents in Montana are ballooning and it was either buy this place or leave the state.
Moving ran up the credit cards and oh, there are so many summer projects and now! now we have to school supply shop!
Moving ran up the credit cards and oh, there are so many summer projects and now! now we have to school supply shop!
@genghis1657 I dread back to school shopping. I have two in school this year and between supplies and new clothes, haircuts etc I spent 600 bucks. AND we had two birthdays this month 
I recently found out some of my friends have their parents help with supplies and clothes. So remember: if you’re wondering what you’re doing wrong it’s probably nothing and just that more people have more financial help than some.
I recently found out some of my friends have their parents help with supplies and clothes. So remember: if you’re wondering what you’re doing wrong it’s probably nothing and just that more people have more financial help than some.@sunflower232 And yet our government is sending billions of tax dollars to other countries and foreign wars. This whole thread is heartbreaking.
@sunflower232 No you're not alone. Think about how much time existed before we were expected to have savings accounts and retirement funds? This hoarding of resources is unhealthy for society, we should be cooperating and sharing burdens instead of competing for essentially limitless resources. Having your money sit around in a savings account might be technically beneficial in the long run but it's such a goddamned waste.
@sunflower232 This sounds like every home owner, including my parents my entire life. I'd flag that while your monthly housing ("rent") went down after buying, you now bear the full costs of all the repairs/upkeep so it's not really lower. This may be where the disconnect is with your budgeting, and mentally wrapping your head around where money goes (or will go). Also, if you're not already doing this - look at every penny you and your partner spend (don't just talk about it. Look at the past data). Cut what you don't really need (but do keep things that keep you sane!), shop at Aldi, go to no cost or reduce cost clinics for pets. Unpopular, and hard, but rehome your pets if you must (though sounds like it's not that bad). Since you reference a 1k vet bill like it's absolutely mandatory, I'd guess you have some other costs that you could cut down here and there. Will it cover it all? Probably not until kids out grow daycare. Then come braces.
@hughdavis Yes. I’ve been preaching lately on posts like this that the best warning a friend gave me years ago is kids are always expensive they just get expensive in other ways. If it’s not daycare it’s an emergency room bill for a broken leg they got while playing with friends since they’re all grown up now 
braces, cavities, school supplies, clothes and shoes that they have a preference on. It cost 80 bucks to get my 9 year olds ears pierced AT CLAIRES! She wanted the fancy looking pearl studs.
braces, cavities, school supplies, clothes and shoes that they have a preference on. It cost 80 bucks to get my 9 year olds ears pierced AT CLAIRES! She wanted the fancy looking pearl studs.@sunflower232 If you’re not using one already, check out a budget app like Mint. The personal finance Reddit is also super helpful with suggestions if you’re willing to give detailed numbers. I’ve learned a lot from that subreddit.
We were saving pretty well, but couldn’t figure out where the money was going. We started tracking with Mint and discovered we were spending an obscene amount on groceries. We started planning our meals and using cash back apps like ibotta, and we cut back big time while still buying healthy, high quality food. We currently spend 26% of our take home pay (including our mortgage) and save the rest. When our mortgage is paid off in a few years, it should be down to just under 15% and saving 85%. We don’t pay for daycare, though, which is a big savings, because my husband is a SAHD.
ETA: I’m 33, my husband is 30, and we have one toddler.
We were saving pretty well, but couldn’t figure out where the money was going. We started tracking with Mint and discovered we were spending an obscene amount on groceries. We started planning our meals and using cash back apps like ibotta, and we cut back big time while still buying healthy, high quality food. We currently spend 26% of our take home pay (including our mortgage) and save the rest. When our mortgage is paid off in a few years, it should be down to just under 15% and saving 85%. We don’t pay for daycare, though, which is a big savings, because my husband is a SAHD.
ETA: I’m 33, my husband is 30, and we have one toddler.