AP and sleep

[blackjal07]

Hi!

I posted a while back about montessori parenting/attachment parenting. The issue at the time or the curiosity was how to foster independence while practicing AP.

My LO (8mo) is pretty attached to me and I'm proud of this and our bond. She's at the dev stage where even if I leave the room, she cries for me. Even just around the corner!

We co sleep currently, but as soon as she wakes up she b lines for the door and cries for me. We read some science behind sleeping and trying to give her a chance to see if she lays back down etc. Doesn't happen. Once, we made it 7 mins before she lost it, playing in the dark.

Now. I'm in the mindset of that if she were in a crib or a pack n play, she'd be safe to move around and try to go back to sleep, while knowing she was actually safe from falling off our bed. When she naps in her room, she has a floor bed but as I said, goes for the door and cries.

I'm also super low on sleep, as she often wants to be held or nurse frequently at night. I just am feeling like I'm failing her even though I was trying to do the most natural parenting I could that made sense to us, but now I'm second guessing everything.

Everyone is offering support but it's all sleep training this and don't do this, do that. Etc.

I need a AP pep talk and to hear from other parents who maybe encountered the same or something similar. But also, I wanna hear this passes and I'll sleep for more than 4 hours again. Lol. Tia!

 

[wini]

@blackjal07 You absolutely will sleep again. And yiur baby will develop independence while you jeep meeting her nighttime needs.

The beyond sleep training project has lots of resources and the facebook community is very supportive and full of ideas.

https://thebeyondsleeptrainingproject.com/

I'm currently facing the crawling off the bed issue with my 6 month old (his bog sis learned to crawl later abd I taught he to go off backwards safely, he has no concept of tge edge of the bed being a thing). I'm looking into getting full size bed rails for our bed.

 

[lovephotography80]

@wini Thanks for posting that link. Some comfort reading whilst I am out of my mind tired during a regression.

 

[katrina2017]

@blackjal07 Babies learn independence through dependence. The consistent safety and security they feel in the first 2-3 years allows them to develop independence in the subsequent years. This applies to both their physical and emotional needs.

It's a really really tough journey being attuned enough to meet all their needs so they develop that sense of security. It's especially hard when we're isolated from family and friends, living in single family homes with little support.

Every baby's needs vary, some are easier than others. No parent will meet every need perfectly but as long as you're there to repair the bond and demonstrate attunement and empathy towards their feelings their development will not suffer.

This time will absolutely pass. My son had and has very high needs. He's 3.5 now and only wakes once a night to find me for comfort. But it's significantly better than when he was up nursing nearly every hour for 2 straight years.

I highly recommend baby proofing your bed with bed rails or putting the matress on the floor. Or simply sleeping on her mattress in her room so it's safe.

Also recommend sleeping in the C shape with boobs accessible for easy night nursing that doesn't wake you up nearly as much.

Get people to help with childcare during the day so you can nap. My husband would watch baby for the first 1-2 hours of the day so I could sleep in and then be rested for the rest of the day.

You are not failing your baby. You're an amazing parent and this will be distant memory soon. Hang in there, big internet hugs.

 

[mark11111111]

@blackjal07 My baby was the same. Once she learned how to crawl she would just try taking off in the night (not even really awake)! It would scare me so much but eventually she calmed down and she dropped most of her night feedings. We are down to a feeding before bed and one night feeding. She moves around a lot still at night but more kicking and rolling around. I have her on a floor mattress so I don’t stress anymore if she rolls our. She’s about 15months now. First year was rough but it got much better after 12months.

 

[terrihoop]

@blackjal07 My girl is 22 months now and has been on a floor bed since she was a few months old. She can totally get up and go to the door if she wants but that has lessened in intensity the older she's gotten. I personally always go to her as quick as I can when she's awake and now she knows I will be there soon. She sits on the bed and waits for me to come in, even though she has plenty of toys in the room she can play with.

It does sound like she needs you there. It's also sounds like you get up to go out after she's asleep? It's probably scary for her to be left on her own hence why she calls for you. I've had my girl literally wake up, run to the door and call me only to get straight back into bed herself and go back to sleep once she realised that I was already there.

8 months is still really young to be okay with you not being there. Baby doesn't really have any independence considering she can't walk yet. I would just take it as it comes, I think my girl started giving me bigger stretches closer to a year.

 

[khairfactory]

@blackjal07 I put a floor mattress inside an angelbliss playpen so my baby could crawl or roll out of bed but i didnt have to worry about baby crawling in front of the door or other babyproofing.

That being said, later got a larger floor bed we can both share and far prefer that. I didnt like having my baby sleep in a separate room.

Babies have temperament. I have friends whose babies sleep better alone in their own room, but mine has always been cuddly and craved physical closeness.

I agree with another poster that the dependence we fulfill now establishes the confidence for montessori independence/autonomy later.

Remember there are other ways to be/express independence than with sleep. Like babies develop language, crawling, weaning at their own pace, sleep independence will develop eventually.

You are awesome.