Anyone else feel like they’re walking on eggshells around their toddler?

[charles72]

I don’t know how or when things have gotten so bad. My daughter is now 21 months old and I’ve started to realise that although toddlers are intense, mine might take the cake.

Every part of our daily routine involves some sort of resistance. If I want to avoid any sort of tantrum I have to distract her or do it a very very specific way which takes forever. Nothing with her is easy at all. Nothing.

Brushing hair = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Changing nappy = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Getting her out of her cot after sleep = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Getting out of the shower = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Sitting stationary in the car or stroller for more than 30 seconds = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Brushing teeth = absolutely positively f[sup]k[/sup] no
Milk finished = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Let’s walk in this direction instead = f[sup]k[/sup] no
Not getting her out of her chair after eating immediately = f*[sup]k[/sup] no

I’ve never pushed her to do any of these things I n fear of it developing into an aversion but it hasn’t worked. I’ve caved under pressure and snapped at her once or twice and she immediately listens, but it’s not a path I want to ever go down.

There’s so much more but I don’t want to bore you all. Please feel free to tell me I’m over reacting because Im genuinely worried this might be the start of something..

 

[chelleaiken81]

@charles72 Advice, if you want it…. (Or skip to the last sentence)

Let her have the tantrum. It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to be mad.

Even if you are mad, WE ARE GOING TO THE STORE. Scream the whole way, I don’t care. I NEED MILK. I talk calmly the whole time repeating “you can be mad, but it’s still happening”.

If you do everything to avoid a tantrum/outburst, she knows exactly what to do to get her way.

You could take a parenting class if you don’t know what to do. Kids don’t come with a manual. This is hard.

Kids are hard.

 

[charles72]

@chelleaiken81 You know, I’ve never actually allowed her to tantrum, I’ve always tried to stop it. Maybe that’s the first step. Thank you

 

[chelleaiken81]

@charles72 I’ve looked at being a mom this way: It’s not your job to stop tantrums. It’s your job to teach her how to regulate her own emotions and come down from a tantrum. We don’t avoid emotions in my house, we have them and learn how to handle them. Having feelings is fine - it’s how we behave while having those feelings that we need to be mindful of. You can be mad, but you cannot hit people when you are mad. You CAN stomp your feet, growl, or yell “I’m mad!”. Daniel Tiger (Mr.rogers) has a song “what do we do with the mad that we feel?” That helped me with my kid.

 

[cindy4him]

@charles72 My son is so contrary.

Me: the sky is blue

Son: NO ITS NOT!!!! ITS RED!!!!! Falls to the ground, kicking and screaming

Me: okay then. It's red.

Son: NO ITS NOT!!! ITS BLUE!!!! continues to kick and scream

 

[mattmanticus]

@charles72 You need to let your little one have the temper tantrum. You need to learn either how to be firm and/or redirect once she is done but you cannot let her railroad you. If you do, then it will not get better. I am speaking from experience seeing my parents let my deaf sister get away with murder and then doing it for my youngest sister. I wasn't so nice and to this day, my nearly 30 year old siblings will listen to me if I get firm and ignore my parents. My kids pull tantrums off rarely because I will haul them on to my shoulder and let them dangle a bit and ignore their tantrums. Treats will get put back and I will get my shopping done regardless. Granted it took several months to get to that point after they tried their antics, but it worked.

 

[itismesandy]

@charles72 Reading The Whole Brained Child when my older (strong willed) kid was about 3 really helped me. Also offering two choices (regarding everything, even the mundane)to give them more agency over themselves instead of saying you do x now. “We need to go yo the store so it is time to get dressed. Would you like to put your left shoe on first, or your right shoe on first?” Not a perfect solution, but helped 15% of the time. Although he is now 7 and on to me… just complained that I only always give him two choices and he might need a third good luck and Godspeed… it’s rough out here