Any fellow D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex) sufferers?

[kt71]

I have a six week old baby and have been experiencing dysphoric milk ejection reflex, basically feeling feelings of dread, depression, self-loathing while breastfeeding. It only lasts a few minutes, but it's not fun, especially when you have a newborn who is nursing throughout the day. Does anyone have any tips for managing this that are not distracting yourself with your phone? I do not want to stop breastfeeding, and I've heard it can ease over time, but curious if anyone found anything that helped them through these emotions.

Edit: wow, it's super validating that so many people experience this too. So many helpful suggestions, thank you!!! And it's encouraging hearing that for some it gets better or more manageable.

 

[marknjohson]

@kt71 Yes, I had it with my first and nobody believed me - my doctor had never heard of it. I sent her an article on it and she was like “oh hm… that sucks!”

It went away eventually, I don’t remember when - probably at 3 or 4 months when breastfeeding was very regular and I didn’t feel my let down nearly as much.

What I did:
1. This isn’t hugely different than scrolling but I had a kindle and read a lot of books on that while nursing. I feel like reading is a lot more immersive than scrolling and when it’s a book you’re into, it’s easier to get lost in the (word) sauce.
2. In the day time: Just get indulgently cozy in a chair with a cup of tea, put on some nice smelling oil in your hair or a diffuser (smell can help shift mood), put down everything and look into your baby’s eyes, hold their hands, appreciate their cuteness. Look out a window at the sky, nature, etc.
3. Know that it’s most likely a very short lived sensation - like you will stop feeling it entirely and still be able to breastfeed soon.

 

[karenpackerfan]

@kt71 I had it! I wish I had some tips for you, but I sadly don't. It was an issue for my entire breastfeeding journey, that I just white knuckled through. Though I do think it got a bit better around the 6 or 7 month mark. I spoke to a few midwives and doctors about it, but no one had much insight other than "that stinks." My personal theory is that it's related to chronically low dopamine, which is an issue I *thought* I had based on other symptoms prior to pregnancy. When I read up on D-MER it seemed like it must be related, and made me more sure of my dopamine problem.

All I can say is, you're not alone. Learning that D-MER was a real thing and that the intense self loathing and self disgust and anxiety I felt for the first few seconds of BFing or nursing was not unique to me at least made me feel better.