Always thought I was one and done…. Now my kiddo is 6, I’m 38, and there’s some wonder…

[riane87]

First of all I’m premenopausal and haven’t had a period in a long time sooooo it might not even be possible… which is probably why the idea even came back to me.

I love being a mom. I had an easy pregnancy and birth, loved having a baby, AND I struggled with being super overwhelmed when I had to keep up with my career and when I got divorced during the pandemic and had to parent alone and didn’t get a dime from my ex husband…

Now, I have an amazing partner (getting married soon), we are financially secure enough to not have to work, and I’ve gone through so much growth in the past 6 years I’m wishing I had the chance to do it again and add a little person to our family.

But also I JUST got to a place of freedom. I homeschool during the year and my kiddo goes to her dads in the summer so I’m free AF.

Which makes me feel like I’m almost even bored and May as we’ll be caring after a sweet little human.

And also makes me feel like why would I mess this up? I finally have free time to dedicate to myself and my passions and mission on this planet.

Clearly I’m ON THE FENCE and flip flopping every second.

My partner is on the fence and would be fine either way, so I feel like the decision is up to me.

Part of me wants to just stop using condoms and let nature take course if I even have an egg left inside of me . I got VERY primal and turned on when we didn’t have a condom the other day and really wanted to raw dog it… but we didn’t.

I was my moms last baby at 38, and likely her last usable egg, as she went through menopause right after having me.

Would love to hear your thoughts fam. Appreciate you reading this stream of conciousness flip flop.

Le sigh.

 

[savemeplz777]

@riane87 Go for it! Even if it’s too late to get pregnant, it seems like you’d enjoy the trying part lol.

 

[riane87]

@savemeplz777 Couldn’t agree more lol.

 

[elvisrene10]

@riane87 Sounds like a nice life now! We did a second and kids are 1.5 and 6. Omg we are so tired. I love my daughter but it’s been a lot on everyone in the family. Consider savoring what you have.

 

[riane87]

@elvisrene10 Definitely considering it and appreciate your insight mama!

 

[faithcollect]

@riane87 My question would be, how much of a strain would it place on your relationship if you tried and were unsuccessful? Not to be a wet blanket, but... miscarriages are more common in late 30s. Can you just brush it off? Or would it be devastating? Maybe if you try, the stars will align, and I wish you luck if that's what you decide. But unfortunately, there is a dark side to all of this.

 

[riane87]

@faithcollect Appreciate the insight. We would be ok and have talked other options too if we aren't able to conceive and still want more children.

 

[staystrongmama]

@riane87 I’m 38, thought we were one and done but I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were being short sighted and I’d always regret not having another . It was on my mind for the last 7 years. After telling my husband that if we kept using condoms we solidified the decision to be one and done bc of my age and my daughters age. Welp here to tell you 1 night with no condom and I’m pregnant. No tracking or anything . The genetic stuff is all next week and I’m in a very calm place that the universe has a plan and whatever is meant to be will be. Except looking at daycare costs for 2 and I almost threw up . Good luck!

 

[riane87]

@staystrongmama Wow! So lucky. Happy for you!!