Almost 1 y/o and hasn’t learned to self-soothe. Are we setting ourselves up for disaster?

[funmy]

New parents. Some context:

Been doing contact naps during day and allowing him to fall asleep in our arms at bedtime.

Wakes up 630-7a, First nap - 930-10a, Second nap - 130-2p, Bedtime 7-730p
*Starts part-time daycare in July so will likely adjust.

Tried naps in crib and pack n play but minimal success. Naps with grandma twice a day and then we take turns putting him in crib at night. Lately lots of false starts between 730p-12a which means more rocking and bottle feeding. Has occasional 3-4 hr stretches of sleeping at night but these have been rare lately and ultimately we lose patience and let co-sleep with us which works but we know isn’t ideal for our sleep and sanity.

Fully admit we are hesitant to try the CIO or gentler versions of it. I’ve even suggested a floor bed next to ours as a stopgap thinking perhaps he’s just not comfortable in his crib. But ultimately my concern is we’re setting ourselves for for failure here while we magically wait for some nights where he goes back to sleeping 4-5 hr stretches as he did when he was 3-9 months old. It’s also clear he easily wakes himself as he’s a twitcher and mover while sleeping. For reference we use white noise but do not have blackout blinds.

I know all kids are different but very open to any and all feedback assuming others have been in our shoes.

 

[katrina2017]

@funmy The best piece of advice I got from my friends was to sort out sleep and solids before one year, or else it's an uphill battle! If you can handle it, CIO really does work. I was so so against it at first, but glad I listened to my mom friends and just got it over with before she turned 1. The crying (assuming baby is fed, clean, and tired) is just because it's unfamiliar. You can still rock him and soothe him. He'll immediately object to crib once he's in it, but give him a little time and he'll figure it out, he's perfectly safe and he will sleep better on his own. All babies wake themselves up and twitch a lot. My daughter rolls all over her crib. She sometimes babbles or makes noises that sound like fussing. I've learned to let her resettle herself. She sleeps 10-12 hours every night in her crib in her own room and it's the best thing we could've done. It's hard but I have yet to meet any mother who has gotten their child sleeping independently without some tears. I also agree that maybe sleep during the day is not quite enough? Not sure how long naps are, but anything less than 3 hours of day sleep can lead to an overtired baby. The fact of the matter is that baby sleep is just hard and it doesn't magically sort itself out (at least not in any kind of convenient time frame). It takes some work and some patience. Best of luck!

 

[funmy]

@katrina2017 Thank you appreciate this. We do need to have a serious talk about trying CIO as hard it may be for us.

 

[praveendass]

@funmy Hey!

Certified Child Sleep Consultant here. I have a few recommendations based on the info you've given:

1) right now his sleep isn't hitting the most restorative times. I would suggest trying to move to these times:

Wake bw 6-7
Nap 1 start bw 830-900
Nap 2 start bw 1230-100
Bedtime between 5-7

Don't be afraid of those early bedtimes! Sleep before midnight is the most restorative and we want him to get as much of that as possible. That's what is going to help erase his sleep debt. Bedtime should be flexible based on length/quality of naps.

Naps and bedtime should be based on sleepy cues to make sure we're getting him down before he's overtired.

2) he currently has a sleep association with falling asleep in your arms. With sleep associations, how they go to sleep is how they'll need to be put back down during any night wakings. So if he's being rocked to sleep, when he wakes during the night (which we all do!), instead of being able to put himself back to sleep he goes ah! Something is different! And then fully wakes, and then requires rocking to put him back down. Some sleep training would help with that! If you're not comfortable with intervals or CIO you may be interested in using the chair method, which is a more gradual method. Keep in mind this method does take the full two weeks.

3) I would definitely think about some blackout blinds! Even a small amount of light coming in can stimulate them and keep them awake. If blackout blinds aren't in the budget, you could use garbage bags, black construction paper, cardboard, even aluminum foil!

4) you are not setting yourself up for failure!!! If this was working for you, that's totally fine! And if it's not working now, also totally fine! No shame either way. Changing this is totally doable but may include a few rough nights to help erase his sleep association. Keep in mind that's a whole year of habits to change; that would be hard for an adult too! But where we can complain using our words, he's not able to yet.

Good luck! Let me know if you have any questions. You can also contact me on my insta page:

@sleepbound_sc

 

[vikutooria]

@praveendass Why is sleep before midnight the most restorative?

 

[praveendass]

@vikutooria So before midnight is when we cycle through non-REM sleep which is the deep, low-wave sleep that restores our immune system where after midnight is the REM cycle which is active sleep and when we dream. Both are important but for erasing sleep debt it's that deep non-REM sleep that will do that.

Hope that helps!

 

[vikutooria]

@praveendass According to the NIH website ( https://www.ninds.nih.gov/health-in...er-education/brain-basics-understanding-sleep ) we cycle through REM and non-REM periods throughout the night

“REM sleep first occurs about 90 minutes after falling asleep.

…

You cycle through all stages of non-REM and REM sleep several times during a typical night, with increasingly longer, deeper REM periods occurring toward morning.”

It does say REM cycles get longer toward the morning but doesn’t mention anything about a cutoff like midnight.

 

[funmy]

@praveendass Thank you so much - lots to take in here. He’s definitely not getting his best sleep before midnight and that’s our first goal. And yes we need to really think about sleep associations. Haven’t heard of the chair method so will research more. Thanks again!

 

[praveendass]

@funmy Take one day at a time! If you're looking for where to start the first thing to do is get him on that restorative schedule. Once he's getting that restorative sleep it won't be as big of a battle getting him down.

And just be kind to yourself! Even for fully sleep trained babies not everyday will be "perfect" in terms of sleep. The key is having the tools to get them through it without accumulating a sleep debt.

You've got this!

 

[tony717]

@funmy How much day sleep is he getting? Sounds like perhaps not enough. But also if almost a year old whatever you want to do or even CIO you want to do soon.

 

[funmy]

@tony717 Thanks for responding. Definitely varies - sometimes 45-120 min per nap. Should also add soon to start part-time daycare so schedule going to adjust soon.

 

[tony717]

@funmy I’m thinking more daytime sleep may be necessary

 

[funmy]

@tony717 Like a third nap?

 

[tony717]

@funmy If short enough