Age gap between #2 and #3?

[jojoz]

What is the age gap between your 2nd and 3rd child?

Do you like your gap, or would you prefer something different?

We currently have 2-under-2. I’m over 35 so have a bit of a time crunch when it comes to planning #3, but I’m not sure we can mentally or financially handle 3-under-3

Please share your experiences!

 

[brandon05w]

@jojoz I had twins (14) and then took a 3 year break and now have an 11 year old, 7 year old, 5 year old, and 2.5month old I think the age gaps work out great and I wouldn’t change it.

 

[lurya]

@jojoz I have three four and under but had two under two and then a break (ish). First two are 3 & 4 and the baby is 8m. Baby arrived when my middle was 2.5 and it was GREAT. I felt like my body had time to recover (unlike the first time, it was fine but comparatively much rougher than my pregnancy with #3). We are done now and absolutely love the gaps we have. It helps that my first two are the same gender and the baby is a different gender so I have a set of best friends and then I really get to savor the last baby while they play together all day. It’s been bliss.

 

[jojoz]

@lurya Thank you for sharing! I collated the responses here and - like you - it seems that 2.5-3 years is the ‘sweet spot’ age gap for bringing #3 into the family

I agree - its so much easier to bring a newborn into the picture once the older kid(s) is sleeping through the night

 

[lurya]

ETA: Another helpful thing was that the older two were sleeping all night when the baby came as opposed to when I had an 18 month old still nursing (I tandem nursed them) and still waking at night with the new baby.

 

[rand_paul_lover]

@jojoz My first two are 16 months apart and then 6 years, a miscarriage, a divorce from an abusive AH, and a new husband later I have 3 more littles with a 19m age gap and a 10 month age gap.

Of all those gaps my honest favorite is my 10 month gap. It was really hard for about 5 months but that was mostly because of health issues that had us in and out of ped offices until my last was finally diagnosed and operated on. Since then they have had the MOST amazing bond and I just love watching them learn about the world together. They are currently almost 2 and 2.75 and they are best friends. They like to sleep in the same bed (both in toddler beds right next to each other), like to nap together, always helping each other, and learning how to play together

 

[hattington]

@jojoz Thanks for asking this - it's been interesting for me to read the responses.

I'm in a similar situation to you with 2-under-2. Our oldest was 21 months when our youngest was born almost 6 weeks ago. I'm turning 39 shortly - we had a late start due to getting married when I was 34 and then having a few years of infertility with #1. We weren't planning to have #2 quite that soon, but got pregnant our 1st try for #2!

We did IVF before getting pregnant spontaneously with both of our girls (after I had surgery to remove fibroids), so we have more embryos we are planning to transfer and trying to decide how long to wait!

We will probably wait until the baby is a year old and start treatment again, but I'm not sure how we would do with 3-under-3 either! Because of our history of infertility, I feel like we wouldn't get pregant quickly, but obviously our recent history shows that's not necessarily the case!

 

[jojoz]

@hattington Wow we have almost identical journeys! I didn’t post too much info here (because I’m active in a different forum where people could identify me), but we have very similar stories for baby #1, baby #2, and age. Feel free to DM me if you want to keep in touch about how we navigate #3

 

[esterlyn]

@jojoz My second and third are almost exactly 3 years apart, and so is my fourth! Just know if you try for a third at 35 you might end up with a bonus baby! I still think the transition from 0 to 1 was the hardest for me, but that also has something to do with the personality of my first born who was a bit of a pickle. I’m really glad my daughter 2nd kid) was old enough to do full day pre k because I don’t think I could handle two babies and the three year old solo all day. I always said I never wanted two in diapers at the same time so that was how I would space them out, but here I am swimming in diapers lol!

 

[barbarossa]

@esterlyn But not for much longer!

 

[readwritedream]

@jojoz My kids ages are 12,7,5,2 and I’m having another within a month. I had a 5 year gap and the rest are all 2.5 to 2 and 3/4 years apart. While I’ve been blessed that my kids have all accepted new siblings exceptionally well, my now toddler is the most ‘mom belongs to me only’ Velcro child ever. When I talk to my youngest about the new baby I get told “no!” Lol. Age is one thing, personality another.

Other points to consider:

I think a lot of people might agree that going from 2-3 kids is one of the harder transitions. You can no longer divide and conquer, you are outnumbered. After 3 well you’ve probably adjusted to a bit more caos already.

Having them so close together your body has less recovery time, and more vitamin deficiency. waiting 18 months from birth to pregnancy is more recommended, at least where I live.

Personally my last two pregnancies beyond 30 years of age have been more taxing on my body. It’s not getting any easier as I’m getting older.

Would you consider talking to your doctor about it? We all have heard how risks for complications/ long term health problems increase after 35 but I’ve also heard it’s still pretty minimal risk anyways. If fertility has been a non issue up to this point I don’t think an extra year is probably a big deal. I think a medical profesional may have the best advise and information on the risks and maternal age area.

 

[jojoz]

@readwritedream Thank you for your super in depth response & insight! So helpful

Do you feel like the transition from 2-3 is harder than 0-1?

Good point about talking to my provider — after switching around several times I’ve finally found one (she’s a midwife) that I actually like & trust

 

[readwritedream]

@jojoz In my case definitely yes on the 2-3 being worse than 1-2. But I had a 5 year gap between my first two so that’s a whole different experience. 5 is so much more independent. 3-4 was a breeze. Things like do you go out a lot solo with multiple kids? Cause if you do you’re already used to being outnumbered right. My kids are homeschooled and I’m very used to taking them all out by myself. But my older two especially the oldest especially-they can like carry a toddler, push carts, help make and open snacks etc. It’s so nice when they get more independent and willingly help the younger ones. This morning my toddler woke up before me and my 7 year old just played with him for a while and they let me sleep for a bit.

I love midwives! Mine is an absolute gem. Congrats on finding a good one.

 

[by_grace28]

@jojoz My 2nd is one minute older than my 3rd.

 

[barbarossa]

@by_grace28 How did you conceive so quickly! Lol

 

[sylviagab]

@jojoz 5 under 7.5.

Ages:

7,4,3,1,newborn

2nd and 3rd are 15 months apart.

1 and newborn are 18 months apart.

3 miscarriages within the gaps of the 5 children.

 

[roger1234]

@jojoz We have 4. 18 months between #1&#2, 18 months between 2&3, 24 months between 3&4 (would have wanted another 18m gap, but life happens how it happens). It was noticeably easier logistically in the newborn days having a 2yo vs 18m old to deal with.

We both have well paying jobs, but financially it's a LOT of daycare to pay for. Love that we've only got a 5 year age gap between oldest and youngest so that we can do a lot of things with the whole family and not feel like the kids are in too many different stages at once.

The idea of getting all of them to their various activities around middle school/high school age though makes me wonder what on earth we were thinking! We'll already have to pick and choose who's teacher we see at back to school night once #3 hits elementary school.

 

[jojoz]

@roger1234 Thanks for sharing! We have 18 month gap between #1 and #2 but good to know the 2 year gap is easier!

Keep us posted on how middle school goes

 

[crustyfrog]

@jojoz My first two are ten months apart and my youngest is just shy of 2.5 years younger than them. They are 5,4,2 currently. It’s a lot. I would have had 3 under 3 but miscarried and believe someone had a plan for me. I’m finally seeing the end of diapers on the horizon.

 

[jojoz]

@crustyfrog This is a good point. Despite my desire to control timing, the universe has its own plan for me - and all of us