So my little girl has recently started discovering her private parts.
When I was younger I was always shouted at told not to touch etc.
From what I’ve been reading/heard in various places this is what leads to shame later down the line so I’m wanting to be more open.
My general chat with her when I’ve seen her touch is this-
“Our private areas are private. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to look or touch the area (herself!!) but to do it privately not in front of me and daddy (or anyone else) as it’s not something we would want to see. If she has questions about it to ask me and if anyone else asks to touch or look at her private area she must not do so and tell me immediately who asked this”
Is this right or am I going to far? Doing too little?
I just want her to be comfortable, know self exploration is okay etc..
please no judgement
@theocrooks Sounds good. That is what I told my daughter she can touch her self if she wants she needs to do it in her room or bathroom with the door closed.
@suzannetocher That sounds right to me too! It’s a completely different time now to what it was in the 90s and I don’t want her to feel any shame or embarrassment around anything that is completely natural. I’m glad as a society most of us are now a lot less judgemental and harsh on our children.
@theocrooks You are doing fine. That's pretty much how it hould go.
The only difference is that it is okay sometimes. Both my kids enjoyed bath time with mom and dad and occasionally they walk in on me peeing or like tonight my oldest was in the bathroom and I really needed to poop. He unlocked the door for me and let me in then finished washing his hands. I try not to do that but it was an emergency. He said I love you and I said I know because you unlocked the door for me.
@lov2speaktongues Oh yeah sorry! I do that too! We shower together sometimes and I’ll check her if she has a rash or anything is bothering her etc… I meant more along the lines of innapropriate touching or her wanting to touch/explore herself in the middle of the living room lol. She’s a free spirit and has always loved running around naked which I’ve never stopped her from doing in front of extremely close family members.
I need to re articulate to her what I mean I think because it’s hard to explain to her what is classed as sexual/inappropriate touching and needing to touch/check for health reasons etc.
Thanks for bringing that to my attention! I should’ve worded myself better
@theocrooks When my stepson was around 4ish, he’d push himself against the corners of storage containers that were out and roughly his level.
I asked “does that feel good bud?” He said yeah to which I said, if he wants to touch himself because it feels good, he should go to his room where he has privacy.
That’s it. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Or over talked.
@tdenis I agree! The only time I’d elaborate with her is to tell her not to allow people who aren’t mummy daddy or her nana to look or touch down there if they think there’s a problem and to tell me if anyone asks etc just out of safety. It’s a scary world out there
@theocrooks I would go as far as to day no one should be touching a 6 year olds genitals unless it is for a medical reason that you prepare her for ahead of time. At that stage she should be able to clean herself properly or you can explain to her how to do so/get wipes to make it easier. The important thing here would be to teach her consent and that she is allowed to say no even to you, her dad and her grandmother when it comes to her body and giving affection etc.
@asmith_20002 Yep I agree, I probably could’ve worded that a lot better of course there isn’t any need to look or touch that area unless it’s for a medical reason and of course as you’ve just said I would tell this her before even attempting to do that so she can tell me she’s comfortable for me to do so.
@tdenis Never, ever, absolutely fucking never, say to a CHILD "does that feel good" in reference to their genitalia. Ever. Do not normalize adults talking that way to them. The correct thing to do would be to redirect them to something else at that age.
It is creepy AF that our society thinks children playing with their genitals it akin to masturbation. Children cannot experience these kinds of sensations until puberty when blood flow to these areas and the size of the genitals increase. By the time touching those areas in pleasurable in that way, most children have already established that they would like privacy away from other people when showering, changing etc. You can tell a child not to stick their hands down their pants or to hump random objects without making it weird/about masturbation.
@theocrooks I have a daughter the same age. I too Have noticed her doing this. I haven’t talked to my husband but I have just ignored it. We have stressed that people keep their hand to themselves at other times. I would not really feel appropriate to stop at that age.
@theocrooks Honestly I would ask WHY she is touching her vagina/vulva especially in public or around other people. She could have a yeast infection or have been sexually abused/seen something she shouldn't have.
