Advice from somebody who just gave birth during the pandemic

[communityguide]

I've seen a ton of posts lately from people wondering whether or not they should TTC during the pandemic. As somebody who gave birth 3 weeks ago, I wanted to share my experience in case it helps anyone with their decision.

Social isolation

Social isolation sucks so hard with a newborn!

We have no help whatsoever. Pre-COVID, the plan was for my mom to help us out with the baby. That obviously went out the window. We've been managing without her help, but it would have been a million time easier if she had been able to come over and watch the baby for a few hours so we could take a nap, do household chores, etc.

None of our family and friends have been able to hold the baby. Let me tell you, nothing breaks your heart more than seeing your own mother's eyes well up with tears because she can only look at her first grandchild through a storm door and not get to hold him.

Having no company sucks. It's hard being locked in a house nearly 24/7 with just a newborn and your SO for company. I love my husband with all my heart and we've been getting along well, but I would love to just have a friend come over to sit and chat with for an hour, you know?

Medical care

Thankfully, my husband was able to be with me the entire time I was in the hospital. I know not everyone has been this lucky. It was extremely scary to be in a hospital (even in the relatively isolated L&D/maternity area). It feels like every person you come in contact with is just another opportunity for you to catch the virus.

My post-partum appointments with my OB are now telehealth appointments. I am extremely lucky to have had an easy, uncomplicated vaginal delivery and a smooth recovery thus far. As a result, telehealth is likely going to be sufficient for my needs. Nevertheless, it still makes me nervous to not be physically examined after going through childbirth. I had a second degree tear that required stiches, so I'm just going to assume that everything is fine with it unless I start experiencing pain or other problems. It would have been nice to have a doctor track my recovery progress though.

There are a lot of women in my monthly bumpers group who had complicated births and they're very worried that telehealth appointments aren't going to be sufficient for their needs.

My baby's care has been affected, too. His 1 month well visit has been dropped. My husband wasn't able to attend the first pediatric appointment with us because the practice is limiting visitors.

Breastfeeding

I'm thankful breastfeeding has been going well, but the first ~10 days were incredibly hard. I would have loved to have met with a lactation consultant during that period. Even now, I think I would really benefit from seeing an LC just to smooth out some smaller issues I've experienced. It's not an option though. My hospital has a breastfeeding hotline you can call into, but it's not the same. I called in at one point, but my call wasn't returned until 3 days later.

The hospital I gave birth at also has a weekly breastfeeding support group that I planned on attending. It's been cancelled for the foreseeable future. I think having peer support would be really helpful, plus it would have given me a way to make friends with fellow moms.

Practical things

Even simple activities are impossible or very difficult now.

We can't just make a quick trip to Target when we realize we need a random baby item. Right now my baby doesn't have any long sleeve onesies that fit him. If we weren't living in a pandemic, it would have taken me 15 minutes to drive to the store and pick some up. Now I have to wait a week for them to arrive and hope they fit.

Like most people, we're limiting grocery store runs as much as possible. Right now, we go to the store once every 2 weeks to do a big shopping trip. If they're out of something we need/want, then were SOL because it's not worth the risk of going to another store to find it.

Not to mention, these bi-weekly trips are stressful as hell. It's one thing to worry about catching the virus yourself by going out in public - it's another level entirely to worry about bringing it back to your helpless newborn baby.

In summary, it sucks. I would highly recommend that those of you who can wait, should wait. Trust me. Having a baby during a pandemic is about as far from ideal as it gets. Life with a newborn is hard enough, and this takes it to a very unpleasant extreme.

 

[moshia]

@communityguide Thank you for sharing your experience! I just wanted to add some more anecdotal information to this, as I see a lot of women leaning towards home births or birth center births now to avoid hospitals. This comes with its own set of risks too, not just the distance from medical services if you require them:

A good friend of mine had her baby at a birth center around a month ago. The baby needed to be taken to the NICU at the nearest hospital. Due to COVID rules, only one parent was allowed to visit the baby. She had to “recover” from birth as quickly as possible to travel to the hospital NICU as a VISITOR. Not a patient, not a new mama who gave birth an hour ago after laboring for hours. No room for her, no place for her to lie down and recover, no way for her to receive any help or care unless it was dire enough she had to be admitted. The father wasn’t allowed to visit at all, and was separated from both his wife and newborn essentially from birth until they went home. Everyone is doing ok now, but I just cannot imagine the heartache and struggle this was for them. Her pregnancy was healthy and low-risk, no one had any idea that her birth would result in this.

 

[rubichudhari45]

@moshia I’ll add to this.

My cousin recently laboured at a birth centre before requiring an emergency transfer to hospital for a c-section. Her husband wasn’t allowed in the ambulance or in the hospital during her delivery, and the baby ultimately needed a week in the NICU to assist with breathing. While my cousin was a patient of the hospital, her husband was not allowed in the NICU and was not able to meet his daughter during her first week of life.

In addition (less relevant), my friend recently went into pre-term labour and required hospital bed rest for 10+ days, during which was she allowed no visitors/not even her husband. She ended up with an induction for which her husband wasn’t able to attend until she was 5+cm dilated and in very active labour, and he had to leave 2 hours after birth. She hasn’t slept properly/more than an hour at a time in almost 2 full weeks and then was left alone in hospital with her newborn.

I’m 32 weeks pregnant and I’m terrified of L&D at this point. Not the actual labouring itself but of Covid restrictions and how traumatized I’ve seen people I care about become in recent weeks. I already know if I require an induction I’ll be alone for the first 23-48 hours of it, and if I require a stay after delivery I’ll be alone with the baby (even after a c-section) in hospital. It’s awful.

 

[communityguide]

@rubichudhari45 I hope you end up with the delivery you want. It's so scary in the lead up not knowing how things will play out given the virus.

 

[qancer]

@rubichudhari45 Hey, I had a c-section in Nov and was alone for the first day afterwards because my husband was sick with strep and my mom hadn’t made it into town yet. If you end up alone in the hospital, use the nurses. That seems obvious, but I felt bad calling them for every little thing and didn’t use them as much as I should have. But when you’re recovering yourself and trying to care for a newborn, “every little thing” becomes increasingly difficult. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.

Also, monitor your own pain meds. I didn’t realize I was responsible for asking for Vicodin during the day and taking my own OTC meds as-needed so I was in totally unnecessary pain the first day. (Overnights the nurses monitored it and offered it, at least at my hospital). With nobody to advocate for me, that’s one of the balls that I couldn’t keep in the air. If you’re alone caring for you and baby, you don’t want to be in extra pain, too!

It’s hard, but you can do it. You will get you and your baby through it. I think it’s one of those things that is terrifying to think about, but when you have no other choice you’ll amaze yourself with your own strength. Sending you hugs.

 

[rubichudhari45]

@qancer Thanks for the encouragement! I’m glad you had a good experience.

Unfortunately that wasn’t the case for people close to me who genuinely feel deeply traumatized so I imagine it’s a flip of a coin. I’m hoping I find some inner strength if I need it but I’m also accepting that it’s a shit situation. I don’t want to set myself up to feel like I failed if I do struggle physically/emotionally, which will be hard enough without feeling like it was my fault for not being strong enough.

I know that wasn’t the intended message of your response and I absolutely appreciate your support.

 

[communityguide]

@moshia So sorry to hear about what your friend went through. When the pandemic started getting worse, I told my husband that I expect there to be a sudden influx of maternal and fetal/newborn deaths as a result of people carrying out homebirths. I hope I'm wrong.

 

[samantha_41]

@communityguide Definitely not as important or essential but limited gathering also means pregnancy announcements by phone/video calls to family instead of in person. You can't have a gender reveal party or a shower or show off your growing bump around town. I know these aren't like life or death things but when you've been waiting a while and maybe years to get to finally be pregnant you don't want to miss out on any of the whole experience if you don't have to.

 

[communityguide]

@samantha_41 You're completely right. Those are all special experiences that nobody wants to miss out on! Not to mention, many OB practices aren't allowing partners to attend appointments or ultrasounds. My husband wasn't able to attend appointments during my pregnancy due to work schedule conflicts, but he came to the two big ultrasounds with me (first ultrasound and anatomy scan). I can't imagine if I had to do those alone.

 

[samantha_41]

@communityguide Yes! I was very fortunate that I had my ultrasound before all of this hit so I was able to have my husband and parents with me. It was such a special moment. I'm so sad they won't be able to be in the hospital with me when she gets here or hold her (my parents, not my husband he can still be there as of now).

 

[communityguide]

@samantha_41 It broke my heart not to have my mom with me during delivery!

 

[jerrygabriel]

@communityguide Thank you so much for offering this perspective. I've been so focused on the risks associated with COVID-19 and pregnancy. I haven't thought as much about raising a newborn and postpartum recovery amidst a pandemic. It's looking like we will be living with COVID-19 for some time, so this information is valuable!

Do you live in an area with access to grocery delivery (instacart, shipt, etc.)? That might be something to consider to minimize your exposure. I can only imagine the anxiety you feel going out shopping with a newborn at home!

Sending some love to your family during this challenging time! I hope that, amidst all the challenges, you and your husband are able to enjoy some of this quality time with your little one.

 

[communityguide]

@jerrygabriel That's exactly why I made this post. I just want people to know what it's like. If they still decide to TTC, that's their choice, but at least they know what the other side will look like.

Unfortunately all of the timeslots for grocery delivery are completely booked We do drive up orders at Target when we can, but perishable foods and some other items aren't eligible for pick up.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm trying my best to cherish this time, even if it's very different than how I envisioned it.

 

[katrina2017]

@communityguide Thank you for posting. I want to hear all the stories and see all the perspectives and what life is like, what the possibilities are. I’ve never been pregnant, have little knowledge what happens next. I appreciate you telling everyone here. It will help everyone make informed decisions. I wish all is well for you. I will be closely monitoring how we all respond to this virus and what it will look like in the coming months. I’m guessing much of the same restrictions will apply so long as there is no vaccine?

 

[communityguide]

@katrina2017 I can't see things drastically changing in the immediate future, especially as experts are predicting that the virus will have a resurgence this winter.

 

[cindylee]

@communityguide I'm very surprised that the 1 month well child appointment was canceled! My daughter just turned 6mo and she had hers on schedule to get her vaccines. They just limited it to only one parent and no other kids could come, and they screened me at the door for fever or symptoms.