Adoptive baby book? (T.W. Mama loss)

[bruin]

Last April I lost one of my best friends to cervical cancer. I am now raising her baby as my own as she wished. She was 32 weeks pregnant with him when she was discovered to have stage 3c cervical cancer.

He is the only one of my kiddos without a baby book. I would like to start one for him but our situation is so unusual. I don't have the time or mental energy to DIY one. In my Google searches, I am finding very few options for adopted baby books and those usually contain whole sections to the journey up to adoption. Things like finally being "picked" which just wouldn't be appropriate. While I am so happy to raise this precious boy and be his mama on earth I would SO much rather my friend was still here to be his mama and I just his favorite aunty.

I want to honor his mama in heaven while celebrating his milestones but I also don't want a traditional baby book with me in place of his mama or filling it out FOR her as that also feels a bit "off" if that makes sense? I still struggle with the guilt of being the one who gets to raise him and I loathe to do anything that feels like I am "replacing" her. She is irreplaceable.

I could also be overthinking the whole thing. It can be hard to find ways to balance honoring both mamas in a positive and smooth way. If anyone has suggestions I would really appreciate it!

 

[rasheed]

@bruin Have you looked at a site like Etsy? Maybe there are sellers that could help customize a book for you.

I’m so sorry for your loss; your friend’s son is lucky to have you.

 

[bruin]

@rasheed I haven't looked on Etsy. It didn't occur to me that a service like that might exist. I'll click around and see what I can find

 

[jesuisroyal]

@bruin Shutterfly has an option where it will customize books for you. You just upload photos and choose a style. They might not have one that is specific to your situation but you could choose a baby book style, upload the photos of his mom and everything and then see if they or you can add caption a to tailor it to his story.

 

[ido100]

@bruin Look around at different sellers who do customizable work, and then message them and ask if they'll help you create this. I've come across multiple sellers who are more than happy to create custom orders, and for something as heartfelt and special as this there is definitely an Etsy shop owner who will help you.

 

[sahmandwife]

@bruin I'd start with a photo book for him - all the pics of his mama, pics of him and hisama, etc. And then just do a baby book starting from when he came to live with you.

Also, maybe having photos up in his room/your house of her, and her & him, would help keep her present for him.

 

[bruin]

@sahmandwife We have a photo display near his play area and a really pretty 8x10 photo of her next to her urn on our mantle. Keeping her memory honored is very important to us. A photo book is a good idea! I worry a lot that if I do things "differently" with him he will eventually feel "other" or separate from the rest of the kids. It's a difficult balance to find. I wish I could find a more classic baby book that honors a mama in heaven, a mama on earth, and the daddy as well. But I know that is a pretty big ask without hand making something

 

[sahmandwife]

@bruin So, it sounds like you're doing a really good job. Remember, too, that each kiddo is different, and honouring those differences is part of loving them (like, you wouldn't make kid B who hates it play soccer just because kid A did.)

For the photo book, make two copies - one for playing with/using, and one for a keepsake.

 

[mlschi]

@bruin You are amazing and your friend is so lucky to have you as her friend.
Is a very noble and honarable thing to do.
Would an app baby book be too much for you?
What about a baby journal?
I started with a baby book for my baby but I am the worse at filling it. A month ago I started a “grateful journal” and I find it easier to write everyday a small note with a milestone or a story or thought of the day than the baby book and of this way you can costumize it your self. To write a section for his mom in heaven.

 

[msa111]

@bruin So I’m not sure if this is something you would be interested in or would be feasible for your family. My grandma passed away on November 15 and my mom & grandpa are understandably still taking it really hard. I have several voicemails that my grandma had left me and for Christmas I bought voice record picture frames from Amazon and put one of the voicemails on it for each of them, obviously with a picture of her in it.

My daughter is only 2, so while she isn’t old enough to understand the concept of great grandma being gone, she still recognizes her face, and her voice as we found out when I was recording on the frames. I’m going to be buying another one for my house so my daughter can grow up remembering her cause my grandma loved her so much.

This doesn’t solve the baby book question (though I was also going to suggest Etsy or another custom site), but I thought maybe you’d like to include something like this for him.

 

[robzilla]

@bruin I’m not sure if you checked out the short years yet- but you can edit their prompts and I believe their was an adoption choice outlined at the beginning. It’s an app you fill out and they print off the pages and mail to you!

 

[bruin]

@robzilla Wow! Never heard of that! I'll look into it now

 

[truebodhisattva]

@bruin I know you don’t have a lot of mental energy but have you considered just making a simple photo book? I did one on Shutterfly and skipped the heavily templated designs and focused more on pictures with maybe a simple text box each page.

 

[forgivemejesus]

@bruin Peachly Baby Books - they have open ended prompts and are very inclusive. Pages like “the story of your arrival” not “your birth” “your people” not “your mom and dad”

 

[steve73v]

@forgivemejesus Was going to recommend this as well.

 

[katrina2017]

@bruin Chatbooks has customizable photo books where you can just write small captions (or nothing at all) for each page. Their website & app are super user friendly & if you have the photos you want to use ready you could easily put it together in a short period of time.

 

[bruin]

Searching Etsy and really just finding sellers who do custom books for personalized things like names on the cover. I may just be Etsy illiterate though I have bought jewelry there twice and that is like it

 

[jamijo38]

@bruin Contact a seller that makes personalized baby books and explain what you are looking for. They will help

 

[alamaris]

@bruin You are clearly really thoughtful about this! Have you asked in adoption oriented Reddit or Facebook pages? They might have knowledge of niche resources. I could totally imagine an adoptive mom custom making books like this and a side gig.

 

[eyesspy]

@bruin No advice. But I came here to say that you’re an amazing person. Your friend was so lucky to have you, and her son is lucky to be raised by you. Wishing you all the best