About to miscarry at 7 wks gestational age at home alone with a 2.5 yr old

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chris_mil

New member
8.5 weeks pregnant. Went for my first U/S, no heart beat and measuring at 7 weeks. My husband travels for work and will only be home for 3 days in the next week and a half which means during the time he’s gone
1-no showers
2-minimal time to sit on the toilet
3-no time to sit on the toilet alone
4-no time to take a hot bath (my go to for cramping/labor pain management)
5-no time to lay down (we just potty trained and half of my day is spent sitting on the bathroom floor right now)
6- no time to fish the generational sac out of the toilet (I’ve had many miscarriages in the past year but this is the first time I’ve been able to carry this long and my OB says should test it to try and figure out what’s going on. All other tests came back normal)

How screwed am I?
Has anyone else experienced a MC at 7 weeks gestational age?
How long did it take to start heavy bleeding once the bleeding started?
I want a d&c because of my general inability to take care of myself and to make sure the necessary tissue is recovered for testing but don’t have anyone to watch my toddler or take me so I’m stuck waiting a week and a half for my husband to be home. I’m worried I won’t make it until then as I’m already stating to cramp.

Also kind of worried I might start bleeding too much and pass out at home alone with my 2.5 yr old and something bad might happen to her.

Any and all advice is very very much appreciated.
 
@chris_mil If you need to, pop a diaper on the kid and take a break on potty training to be able to get through this. Explain to your kid that mommy needs to go in the shower so they have to play in the bathroom floor for a while. I went through something very similar recently (not a miscarriage but a medical event) and ended up using a playpen in the bathroom a few times, paused potty training, allowed a little more screen time.

If you have ANYONE that might come in and just watch the lion king and eat pizza with your kid on your worst days, take it.even if it means a diaper. This is not a time to be perfect.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
 
@janiesdad This is no joke. After birth, I used ‘disposable underwear’ that was like for incontinence. They were so much more convenient. I didn’t care that I was wearing “adult diapers” and neither did anybody else (my whole family knew because my mom bought them for me). I guess I thought I would be embarrassed or something.
 
@widlast Shit, I use adult diapers now on my heavy flow days for overnights. They advertise "disposable period panties" now, but they're just adult diapers marked up 25% for a fancy name.
 
@agnosticjefferson Absolutely anyone you trust to watch your toddler with you presence or that will sit with you or respect your space please have them come with you. Is there any way husband can come home early? If you can afford to be delivered meals during this time do it, anything that makes your life easier, bare minimal around the house for you, absolutely survival only things. You are having a huge thing physically and mentally going on right now.

I am so so sorry ♡ this is absolutely devastating
 
@chris_mil I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My MC was around the same gestational age, but I wasn’t running after a toddler.

My experience: I was bleeding for about a week, and then one evening I started cramping significantly worse. I was home alone because my husband had a family emergency. The cramps picked up, felt in my stomach and back, and I realized that I’d be passing the miscarriage. The pain was noticeable, but I think I would’ve been able to talk through the contractions.

TW - graphic: Importantly for my mental health, I didn’t pass anything that actually looked like an embryo, just the sac, that was about the size of a golf ball.

If you need to do this on your own: buy some adult diapers. They’re easier than pads, and then you can do something to distract yourself instead of just sitting on the toilet. Have comfort foods, water, and Motrin ready at home. Be ready to embrace screen time to keep the toddler occupied.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.
 
@yonniejoy I had a similar experience when I miscarried around 8/9 weeks. Light spotting for a week, bleeding picked up for about 5 days, cramps and bleeding got heavier for 3 days and at the end I passed something that was about the size of a golfball. My cramps went away pretty much immediately. I had some light bleeding for a few more days then it was done.
 
@discipleduchrist He said there is a window he could come home for the d&c if I can get it scheduled then but we are in a healthcare desert and so I’m not sure how much flexibility I’ll have with scheduling.
 
@chris_mil I don’t understand why he isn’t prioritizing being home with you and your daughter during this time. Why doesn’t he just tell work he can’t do this trip because his wife is having a medical emergency, and he needs to be at home to keep an eye on you and your toddler for safety reasons? Take FMLA leave if necessary?
 
@spacedog2k5 Yes, and since OP said she lives in a healthcare desert, I’m really worried that she needs support and supervision right now.

I totally get that work sucks and many jobs aren’t flexible or understanding when you need to take time off, but if my husband were ever experiencing something like this, like something painful and unpredictable that can quickly escalate into needing immediate medical care to avert disaster, then there would be zero question that I’d stay home with him and our kids. I really do not understand his whole “three day window where I can come home and help” mentality.
 
@spacedog2k5 Because in America, medical and parental leave of any sort is atrocious and/or non/existent. Unless her husband is afforded FMLA. Otherwise a lot of employees in America don’t have the privilege to tell their employer they have to take time off of work to attend to a medical or family emergency. If they ARE granted the time off from their employer, then they may not be paid for that time.
 
@huffyhog Or even with FMLA, they might not be able to afford it.

OR, employers get pissy about it and find another "legal" reason to fire you - even though it's really because you utilized FMLA.
 
@sarahsknight I just want to be fair to their family here. We do not know anything about their finances, or the necessity of him being at, and continuing to, work.

My family is privileged enough to have neither of the parents travel for work, and flexibility of work in both jobs. We are lucky. Not everybody is.

If he's not home by choice, then yeah, that should change. But if he's not home because he must be out there working, then let's put the pitchforks away and stay supportive of this family in their time of need.

But yeah, home if he can be. 100%.
 
@sarahsknight
I don’t understand why he isn’t prioritizing being home with you and your daughter during this time.
Click to expand...

Because it sounds like he's the sole breadwinner and given how much he travels, probably doesn't have the relative luxury of taking this time off, even FMLA.

I mean, FMLA isn't paid. I could've taken FMLA to extend my three week paternal leave, but we literally couldn't afford for me to do it.
 
@mijuk95 This is super harsh and judgmental and not what OP needs to hear right now. You are clearly fortunate because you seem to be viewing this from a very privileged perspective. We don’t know OPs financial or otherwise situation at all.
It is not kind or helpful to make sweeping judgments about her husband that are only going to add more weight to what OP is already feeling
 
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