a question of entitlement

[paparazi257]

@kezia I mean it sounds like this is a bigger issue than your initial question of basically who is right here.

Sit down with him when you have time to actually go through what’s bothering you and why WITHOUT the passive aggressive faces. If needed maybe a therapist or counselor would help as a neutral 3rd party to help you both communicate?

 

[ersjbmah]

@kezia Hard disagree.

I've been working from home since my kids were preschoolers. They are now preteens, and have been entertaining themselves after school until my husband arrives for about 4-5 years.

They know to leave me alone during the day if they are off. They feed themselves throughout the day, entertain themselves, and also will text me if they have a question, like if they can go over a friend's.

If they are home sick I will check on them more frequently to make sure they're feeling ok and if they need anything, but generally they very rarely interrupt me.

It sounds like the dynamic generally works for you, but it's a reasonable expectation for them to leave you alone if you're busy.

 

[trucker1]

@kezia I know how disruptive it can be. My 3 are home for all the breaks (sometimes with sitters, sometimes not)

But even my 4 year old knows that if the door is shut, mom can not be interrupted unless it is an emergency. We are still working on the definition of an emergency; but he is 4.

I don't think you're giving your kids credit for what they are capable of.

 

[iamkingsamuel]

@kezia I seriously cannot believe the downvotes you are getting. One parent shouldn’t have to take on the mental burden of all childcare. You have every right to be annoyed.

 

[stumblingman]

@kezia I don't have an opinion to weigh in but I appreciate the writing style and presenting it from a neutral perspective. I think that shows you posted in good faith looking for genuine feedback

 

[grossfeet]

@kezia I think this is more of a question of assumptions - both of you assuming you could work a normal day when the situation was not a normal day.

Hire someone to watch and drive your kids around for the day.

 

[romantic2013]

@kezia I am guessing this is not a one off, one time thing?

Honestly it looks like lack of communication from both ends. I don't know how often this happens or if you communicate your needs and it gets disregarded but looks like it's time for both parents to sit and hash things out.

 

[timeoftheend]

@kezia Lots of comment saying better communication is needed and sure maybe - but also I can see that Parent A is likely tired of having to be the one to State The Bloody Obvious all the time. Sounds like Parent B is happy to leave Parent A to it unless Parent A does all the emotional labour of managing each situation. Parent A is the primary parent by the looks of it, and is exhausted. This feels like the cumulation of a bigger problem of Parent B not assuming sufficient responsibility overall and it’s not Parent A’s responsibility to direct them in how to do that.

 

[thuto]

@kezia Yeah, I think Parent B is more in the wrong than Parent A, even if both were bad at communication.

The standard schedule is for Parent A to work from home, not for Parent A to provide childcare and also work full-time from home. This was not going to be a standard day, so it was wrong for Parent B to assume they could follow their standard routine and leave Parent A with all childcare responsibilities just because Parent A works from home.

Both parents are equally responsible for childcare, so it should not necessarily fall on Parent A to be the one to ask Parent B to stay home any more than it is Parent B's responsibility to proactively stay home to do their share of childcare. Since Parent A's day was busy and Parent B's day was light, it makes sense for Parent B to do most of the childcare that day.

You both need better communication but Parent B also should really examine why they, knowing their partner had a full day and they had a light day, never thought twice about dumping all childcare responsibilities on Parent A.

 

[wendylam]

@kezia Definitely gotta be louder about expectations if you don't want to be stuck at default parent.

Alternately:
I was babysitting at 10 (with adults around) and left alone to watch other people's children at 12. I think it might be time the pre-teen takes on some responsibility. As for chauffeuring, I'm not sure where they would need to go if school is not in session. (We live close enough to the store and friends, my kid is allowed to walk places alone and he's 7.) Couldn't they ride bikes? there's also a send a ride option for Uber now. So, you order the Uber and can monitor the information and payments, the Uber app texts the rider when the driver is near.

 

[katrina2017]

@wendylam Who the heck would put pre-teen girls in an uber alone? This suggestion is crazy to me!

 

[wendylam]

@katrina2017 what age did your parents let you walk around the mall or go to the movies with just your friends, no adults? I was 11 and we didn't have cell phones then! (Gosh I'm old)

My uber suggestion is for a rare situation on top of an inflexible schedule. I'm not saying let the child pick the destination and have an open credit card and their own Uber app.

 

[katrina2017]

@wendylam Going to the mall is completely different than getting into the car alone with a strange man.

I think parents in the past let kids do a lot of stuff that was borderline unsafe. We have definitely course corrected too much but I would rather be on the safe side

 

[buycheapestviagraedu]

@bbarb But neither of them arranged it. Parent A just assumed parent B should know. I think both are at fault here.

 

[bbarb]

@buycheapestviagraedu I guess with the context being that B has a flex sched and A doesn’t, and B knows she doesn’t, common sense would indicate B could be there.

 

[buycheapestviagraedu]

@bbarb Not everyone can assume. Sometimes we are so busy that we don't sit back and think about what's next we just continue with our daily routine. Thats why 2 parents need to actually talk about it.

 

[bbarb]

@buycheapestviagraedu I think the argument would be that only thinking about your own routine is inconsiderate.

 

[buycheapestviagraedu]

@bbarb Sorry, but I'm sticking with the fact that they need to have better communication. Also, nobody said to think about themselves only. I simply said that all of can get very busy and not be perfect and always think about the other person when we should. That's why communication is key.

 

[cins]

@bbarb I think it’s more that many of the posters don’t really understand the childcare that is needed for 2 teens and a third grader who are off for one day. If the post were about kids ages 2, 4, and 6, I think the responses would be very different.

 

[bbarb]

@cins I’m that case yeah they should be able to take care of themselves.