a question of entitlement

@nina1967 Exactly. That word has now stretched to mean an older child can’t help at ALL with their siblings without people acting like they’re going to have long term mental health issues stemming from it.
 
@paparazi257 Agreed. My oldest is in 2nd grade, if I’m working from home, she can entertain herself pretty much the whole day.it helps if I break it up and get out of the house with her around lunch, but for the most part, she’s self sufficient.
 
@paparazi257 I would even recommend OP look at summer camps and activities to enroll their children into so they can focus on their career and children get enrichment.
 
@kezia I totally understand the burnout. My daughter was home all last week with pinkeye and it was rough to work with her there.

It sounds like your partner has valid reasons for not being able to WFH and that you guys didn’t discuss him staying home today?

I would just vent tonight when he gets home. I don’t think he’s at fault here, but I also understand being frustrated at the end of a double-full-time-job day. Express the frustrations of the day, because it sounds like you’re more angry at the situation than at him and are perhaps using anger at him as an outlet. Get angry together when he gets home and vent it out! You guys vs. the problem!
 
@kezia I feel this in my soul. I'm in this same situation and wish for once parent b would just act like a parent without having to be asked. I'm tired of everyone just assuming it's my problem to deal with bc my job is wfh only. I have no advice other than I know how difficult it is.
 
@kezia I feel this in my soul. I'm in this same situation and wish for once parent b would just act like a parent without having to be asked. I'm tired of everyone just assuming it's my problem to deal with bc my job is wfh only. I have no advice other than I know how difficult it is.
 
@kezia I feel this in my soul. I'm in this same situation and wish for once parent b would just act like a parent without having to be asked. I'm tired of everyone just assuming it's my problem to deal with bc my job is wfh only. I have no advice other than I know how difficult it is.
 
@kezia I feel this in my soul. I'm in this same situation and wish for once parent b would just act like a parent without having to be asked. I'm tired of everyone just assuming it's my problem to deal with bc my job is wfh only. I have no advice other than I know how difficult it is.
 
@kezia He should have offered, you should have asked when he didn't.

He can't work as well at home? You can't work as well looking after kids.
 
@kezia Just going to pint out, he didn't ask you to take thebday off either. So he basically walked out without arranging childcare and assumed you would do the arranging- either by taking the day off or outsourcing.

Parent b left the full mental load on parent a by simply ignoring the problem (3 working parents and kids needing care) and assuming parent a would address it.
 
@sofa24h Why does parent A need to set the expectation? B is 50% responsible for child care. B knows the kids are home from school, which is not a regular thing. B is a parent and should know someone needs to take care of them. B just took it for granted that A would do it. Not to mention B is clearly in a better position to do it as a self employed person with a light schedule.
 
@bbarb Because partnership is about communication. Should B recognize they need to step up? Sure. Some people however need an extra push or need it put out there for them in explicit terms. People operate differently and until they both clearly communicate their needs the fault lies in communication. We need to stop vilifying everyone and creating a one size fits all to partnership that it’s 50/50. We pick up the slack for each other and sometimes that isn’t 50/50 but we need to communicate where we’re at in order to give everyone as much as possible.
 
@aronda75 Plus OP didn’t handle this well. Rolling your eyes or whatever face she made AS HES LEAVING isn’t going to solve anything. Now they’re just completely off on the wrong foot for the whole day.

The second she saw him starting to get ready to go in was the time to be like “hey remember the kids are home today. I’m really busy. Can you please WFH too so we can team up on keeping them occupied?”

Instead it was a passive aggressive approach which helps no one.
 
@paparazi257 Feels like a conversation that should have been resolved well before B was walking out the door - like, preferably the day before! I understand A's burnout from the mental load of it all, but how can that improve without thorough communication? If you never ask for what you want/need, how will you get it?
 
@aronda75 This is exactly it. Setting expectations creates a neutral discussion because there's no finger pointing or idea of "you should just know".

My husband and I both work from home but he's got ADHD so he's easily distracted so I tend to be default parent on days we have to tag team a toddler at home. But that doesn't mean I don't need my heads down time so I set the expectation of "hey I need to be in my office from 1-3 today" or something along those lines. No one is feeling like they're doing more or less and all of our needs are met.
 
@aronda75 You are giving parent b the easy out - they absolutely neglected their duty to ensure the kids had care and coasted on knowing parent a would ensure they had care (either by outsourcing or taking time off).

Parent b sat on their ass. Both parents neglected to communicate. That's two strikes on parent b and one on parent a. Esh but some more than others.
 
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