3 Week Old, Baby Blues, First Time Mom,Help? (x-posted from /r/mommit)

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mark500

New member
Hi, my name is Frankie, (age: 23) I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy named Lokii on 1.24.2014, and this is my first post in any community so, here goes..
It's been three weeks since my csection and I have been feeling overwhelmingly weepy, hopeless, and like a failure to my son because I'm having trouble functioning day-to-day with the new stresses of being a new mom. My boyfriend (Biagio, 31) works 14-16 hour days in a restaurant that he just opened in Oct. He is wonderfully supportive, helpful, and positive, but even with his reassurance, I'm still feeling really down. Before being discharged from the hospital, my doctor put me on 150mg of Wellbutrin for my anxiety, which has helped with that, but anxiety and depression are two different things. Also, I was given a Depo birth control shot. I have an appointment on Monday to talk to my doctor about whats going on, but I was hoping anyone could help me with some advice for coping through the weekend. Googling advice has been fruitless for me (listening to music, watching funny shows or movies, etc..) and I just end up crying through them and eventually feeling worse as a result. Was there anything you guys found to be surprisingly helpful for the short term, just to get me through until Monday?
 
@mark500 Take some YOU time. After your little man goes to bed tonight: Take a hot bath or shower, wash your hair and shave. Give yourself a manicure and or pedicure. Have a nice meal and a glass wine. Do whatever sort of self-pampering you used to enjoy.

Being a new mom is such a difficult transition. It's very easy to forget to take care of yourself being so focused on your baby. None of this will rid you of depression, but it may help you feel a little more like your "pre-baby" self, and help you get through the weekend.

Also remind yourself that you are in a hurricane of post-baby hormones. Don't be so hard on yourself!
 
@mark500 I am a SAHD, so this advice may not be exactly what you need, but here goes.

First, you probably haven't had a full nights sleep since you came home. Have the BF, grandma, aunt, someone help you out for a night and get a full nights sleep. If your breast feeding pump ahead of time, or if bottle they should be all set. GO TO SLEEP.

Second, As others have already said here find a bit of time to pamper yourself. Make you feel good about you. At that stage they are asleep more then not, drag the sleepy swing into the bathroom, or just outside and pamper away (he is still within arms reach if something comes up).

Third, Hormones, Hormones, Hormones. It took almost 6-7 months before the postpartum wore off on my wife. Your not failing, you are not a horrible mom because of them, its natural, just go with it (that's probably not the right words but im going with it).

Forth, Relax take a step back and just breathe for a min. When my wife went back to work after 6 weeks, I thought for sure that I would mess up and he'd be dead within an hour. I was stressed to the max. I bet I checked to make sure he was breathing 500 times that day. Sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, just like i did. Just take a step back, as long as he is fed and diaper is changed he will happily sleep most of the day away. Trust me they will scream if something is wrong.

Fifthly and not lastly. This one may sound weird, but get yourself ready in the morning as if you are actually doing something. I found that although its nice sitting around in sweats and a T-shirt everyday, you will actually feel better about yourself if you actually get dressed. Even if the farthest you are going that day is to the fridge and back, just having that back to normal feeling will help (even though things are far from back to normal).

Just take it one day at a time, as time passes your confidence will grow, and the anxiety will lesson.
 
@mark500 Your body is going through a huge hormonal change. I find myself really sensitive to hormonal changes and I can become extremely depressed due to it.
Talk to your doctor and ask them for help. There's no shame in it!
It's great you're recognizing it early on so something can be done.
I know it's hard. I've been there. Just really try to focus on the positives in the mean time. You made a baby! That's awesome! All they need is love, food, diaper changes and sleep. Meet all those and you're mom of the year. ;)
 
@mark500 Depending on your area you might have some support groups etc. for moms with postpartum depression. The fact that you recognize the signs is really good. With my first child, also a c-section I ignored the signs because it seemed like I should just be in baby bliss.

Like others have said, take some time for yourself. Personally I found fresh air and exercise to be really beneficial. Go for a nice walk outside when you can. Being cooped up at home with a demanding baby can be taxing.

Remember that you're doing the best that you can with the challenges of being a new mother and that you're never alone. :)
 
@mark500 I am on Wellbutrin as well and have been for the last 7 years since the birth of my second daughter. I was first prescribed it by my ob/gyn for post-partum depression. After struggling with terrible anxiety for about a year and a half, I finally saw a psychiatrist out of desperation. This was the best thing I could have done, because although ob/gyn's are great at recognizing post-partum depression and anxiety, the are rarely experienced with all the facets of the individual medications. Wellbutrin is personally the best medication for my depression, but is well-known to cause anxiety as a side effect (for instance, I woke with panic attacks in the middle of the night). My doctor added in an SSRI (celexa, in this case), which got me were I needed to be emotionally. I have had to make changes in dosages and type (extended release vs immediate release) over the years, depending upon what is going on in my life and it is SO important to have a doctor who is well-versed in these medications to help. My advice is to put as much energy as you can into seeing a psych. right away! I put it off for way to long after my first child, assuming that it was just normal and that everyone went through it. Once you get on the RIGHT meds and dosages, you will have that revelation of "Wow, this is how I'm supposed to feel!" You may end up totally different than me, and recover quickly and easily, but on the off-chance that you are as affected by hormonal changes as I am (bad PMS in the past is a good indicator), then I wanted to give you the encouragement to see an expert. Being on the right medications, at the right dosage is like being able to take a deep breath and relax. Good luck! I really, really hope you feel better soon. That part of my life was soooo much darker then it needed to be and I've always wished that I could go back and do it over with the knowledge and tools that I have now. Good luck!
 
@mark500 Stop the depo. Do not get another shot. That stuff alone has the ability to make any sane normal person insane. Not to mention your hormones are already in a massive state of fluctuating.

And get a different med, Wellbutrin can also increase anxiety in some. Try visceral, it's super old and amazing. (Although it makes me hungry). You will get better, and you are not a failure!
 
@mark500 The depot shot is very possibly making things worse. That is a lot of hormone they just dumped in an already hormonal person. Post partum hormones are a beast on their own.

When the baby is sleeping, you should be sleeping or showering, of course still listening to the baby monitor.

Make sure you're eating. I forgot to eat a lot and it compounded everything.

Take moments to just snuggle and bond skin to skin. It releases oxytocin which makes you feel a lot better (baby too!)

I found when I was having trouble coping or moody, I'd sit with baby and just play silly games. It really makes you feel better.

Good luck and let me know if you ever need to vent!
 
@mark500 I don't miss postpartum depression. I knew it'd be very likely I'd have it because I had depression before pregnancy. I know how you're feeling. Until I saw my doctor about it all I could do was allow myself to feel these emotions. Don't worry that you're not feeling 100%. It will get so much better. If you need to cry, let yourself do it. Watch a sad movie and let it all out while baby sleeps or when daddy can watch for you. Just remember it won't last forever. I found writing my feelings helped me work through them. It didn't make them go away, but I felt more content with them. Until you can see a doctor, it's okay to forget about housework to make sure you get some downtime. It's a huge change to suddenly have this little person taking so much of your time. You can get through this. Feel free to PM if you need to chat, I've been there. Good luck!
 
@mark500 If you're able, getting out of the house (with or without baby) can really help. Exercise has been shown to help with depression, I imagine it would have the same effect on PPD. Good luck!
 
@mark500 Oh you sound so much like I did when I had my daughter. If you're dealing with any amount of PPD (which it sounds like you are a bit), you've already taken the first, biggest and hardest step, which is reaching out to your doctor.

And everyone else has said it first, but yes. Take time for yourself. Being only a few weeks old, your little guy is most likely sleeping an awful lot, so, put him somewhere safe (crib, bassinet, swing) and do something for YOU. If you feel up to a hot bath, do it. Reading a book with a hot cup of tea? Sure. Why not? And while Dad works long hours, he can help out too. He helped create this little wonder, he can help care for it. Even if all he does is cook a meal for you or does a load of laundry, that's one less worry off your shoulders.

As for any issue with the Depo shot, I really have no advice for you, as I've never gone that route. However, my friends that have done it had a lot of issues with it as well.

I wish you luck, and congratulations on your little boy. I love the name, btw. How did you come up with it?

Edit: My Engrish sucks this late at night.
 
@hurleyman Thank you!
Biagio and I have always identified with wolves, and amongst our inner circle of friends, we call it 'pack'. Loki is the ever handsome Norse god of mischief, but he also has a wolf totem, and his son, Fenris, is also a famous Norse wolf-god. We just liked Loki better then Fenris, and just added an extra "i!" Making Lokii. Carmen was Biagio's great grandfather's name, and in his very Greek family, it's customary for sons to be named after fathers or grandfathers, etc. Making Lokii Carmen!
 
@mark500 That's sweet! Yeah I knew about the Norse God, but I knew it was also a common name in anime so I was curious if it was from that or the anime.
 
@mark500 Would enlisting help a possibility? Take a break - get out of the house, hit the gym, see some friends, anything to get you away from the baby for a few hours.

Depression and anxiety are two different things, but, as I found out firsthand, depression (especially post partum) can manifest itself in a form of anxiety.

It's completely normal for you to feel this way right after having a baby. You're exhausted, overwhelmed and sleep deprived, and you're trying to make the transition to being a parent. A large % of women who went through childbirth have baby blues. A smaller, but by no means small, % of women end up with post-partum depression (PPD). Since it's only 3 weeks since you had the baby, it may well be that you have baby blues, but if you are feeling down for a prolonged period of time (or the feeling is a lot more intense than just feeling sad / overwhelmed), then PPD might be the case. I'm sure the OB will be able to make that determination when you see her on Monday. Til then, my advice is to look for temporary babysitter for an afternoon and go spend some time doing things that are not baby-related.

I was diagnosed with PPD and, six months on, I still have episodes of 'flying off the handle' - emotions that I could not control despite my best intention. It hasn't been easy but I can tell you that (irrespective of whether it is baby blues or PPD for you) some days are better than others, and having a caring, supportive partner like yours would make the not-so-good days fewer and further between.

Best wishes to you!
 
@mark500 I gave birth in early Jan, as I type this our little girl is sitting on my knee facing towards me, nomming on my elbow.. It's so slobbery!

I -still- get REALLY bad mood swings which includes random crying over -the- silliest of things. I don't believe that I'm suffering from pregnancy blues per say but I do have a history of depression. We were told that it's something to keep an eye out on so we have. Its not been easy and I've had some bad days but we're making it work.

I've found that allowing myself to cry is a good thing. Accepting help and allowing family members to look after her for a little while has been amazing, just for some time away.

Everyone has put some really good suggestions that might help you. You could also perhaps go to the restaurant with your bf? Is there a room you could sit in with the baby?
 
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