3 under 4 at 40yo?

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vcs

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It’s now or never on our 3rd baby (frozen embryo). If it takes, ages will be 3.5, 2.25 and newborn. So we’re looking at no kids in full time school for another year, older ones can be in preschool for 3 hours a day, and I will keep a nanny while on long mat leave.

If I was in my early 30s it would be a no brainer but my age feels like the huge issue here. I’ll be 45 by the time youngest is in full day. Husband works a ton (7:30am-7pm out of the house), travels a lot amazing dad but it’ll be mostly me for the day to day. Then when (if?) I go back to work, I work in an office 4 days a week. I don’t even see how that’ll be possible though with my husband’s schedule…

Anyone late 30s / 40s have 3 young babies? What’s it like? I hate that I couldn’t have just had my kids younger like I’d hoped. I came out of 2u2 fairly unscathed at 40 but I’m worried I’ll come out of this at 45 just feeling and looking old. I know a bigger age gap would be ideal but this is kind of the do or die point for us.
 
@vcs I had my fourth at 40 with 2, 4, and 6-year olds. I’ll be 45 when the baby goes to kindergarten as well and I’m totally ok with it. I’ll have another what, 22 years to work? I have time for a whole second act and with my family too. I’m good with it. ☺️
 
@vcs Heyo I am 41 and just had #4. Twins will be 4 in a few months. It's been a challenge especially naptimes. It's stressful but doable. You need to be super aware of when you need a break, when you need sleep, and personal care. It's way too easy to put the kids' needs in front of yours all the time .when my twins were born,.I sacrificed far too much personal hygiene and stopped all relaxing, exercise, and hobbies which was a huge mistake.
 
@vcs At least having to so young keeps you healthy and Young so you're probably in better shape than someone with none to have a third even though it's a little later than you wanted and yet a little earlier than you wanted. Something that helped me wrap my head around it was thinking in 20 years if the child would be 20 or 23 it really wouldn't be that big of a difference. That made me feel better about not being able to have a larger age Gap looking at the Long Haul
 
@vcs Girl with nanny and preschool wouldn’t even question it. I had 3 in 3 years when I was under 30. I am now 38 and want one more but i hate being an older mom. So not sure what to do.
 
@vcs I have So. Many. Kids. And I was pretty panicky when I found out I was pregnant with #5. I’m not gonna lie, those first 6 months were rough and I even stayed home (back to work 2 years now).

But I’m so, SO deeply glad they’re all part of my family and that I get to watch them grow up.

Edit: I was 36 when #5 was born and my kids are all 2 years apart
 
@vcs I was almost 45 when my youngest was born. It’s not nothing, but it’s not the absolute barrier pop culture portray it to be. I’d say go for it.
 
@vcs My triplets were due on my 40th birthday. At 43 I had another baby. We had 4 under 4 for a while. Also it was when Covid hit so no daycares were available for my triplets. I flew solo. I’m 47 now. Still look like I’m in my 30s! As I grew older, they also grew older and more independent. Am I tired? Sometimes. But now my kids are all in school/daycare and it is starting to get so incredibly fun. By the time your newborn hits the toddler stage, your older two will be in school and potty trained and out of the tantrum stages. Try to think long term. The first couple of years may be a little bit more difficult but then it gets easier so try to think longer-term. What do you want your holidays to look like in 5 years? 10 years?
 
@vcs I have 3 under 4 in my twenties and it was bloody exhausting.
Had husband was at work 2 hours away, no family help but I functioned y'know. I did get overwhelmed but all 3 over my kids are special needs (2 autistic and one AuDHD) and recently found out I have ADHD too so that might explain why it was so hard..
But I've got 2 teen boys that are hard work and don't listen, and a girl who is constantly overwhelmed and needs so much time..I feel this is harder work than the baby stage..
I'm 35 and I do NOTHING. I don't socialise, I hardly see anybody and stay indoors as often as I can, because I am always overworked and emotionally knackered
 
@vcs How is your general health and energy level? That matters a lot more than your age. I have 3u4 at 35 and am tired and feel old. 2u2 kicked my butt the first time and having a 3.5yo and almost 2yo is still kicking my butt. The baby is the easy part, but I know this age combo is going to repeat itself in a year. Whereas with 2u2, it seemed like the kids took turns having hard phases, with 3u4 two of them will be in a hard phase constantly.
 
@vcs I’m 39 and my kids are almost 5, freshly turned 3, and 6 months. We’re still considering a fourth next year. Thankfully we have junior kindergarten here so my oldest is already in full time school.

My husband is full time WFH, 9-5, so that really helps. I’m also 80% WFH, 9-5 with an easy 15 minute commute when I do go in. I’m not sure I could do it without my husband being around for mornings and evenings. Heck, I’m not sure I could do two kids, let alone three, without backup.

Personally, at 39, I still feel pretty great about myself. Yeah, I’m tired all the time and the bags under my eyes tell the story, but I know the sleepless nights are temporary. One day I will get sufficient sleep. But since having kids, I think I’ve actually taking better care of myself overall. I eat more fruit and veg, I am way more active (pushing a 100lb stroller all the time does that for you), and I’m more conscious of wearing sunscreen and things like that. I have no worries about possible having another baby at 40. Well, I do worry about having to buy a new car. Right now we still all squeeze into our 14 year old sedan and I’m not looking forward to having to buy a 7 seater.

Edit to add: my last pregnancy was my easiest and had the quickest recovery.
 
@vcs I have that EXACT same age gap with my three, youngest is now currently 7mo. I’m currently 32 so not the exact same age as you, but I will say for me personally, the pregnancy was more difficult. I did in PT for week 16-40 of pregnancy and it’s the only thing that saved my bacon. We also decided that I would quit work before we had our third - between sickness and my husband working longer hours it was just getting difficult to work around childcare.

I think it’s definitely doable. But I would go into it lowering your expectations by a lot. That’s been probably the hardest part of this transition for me!
 
@vcs I'm 38 and have a 6 yo, 4 yo, and 8 week old. I'm not finding it particularly hard. Having littles will always be exhausting, but I'm also in a much better place to have them, even if I'm a bit more tired and the pregnancy weight takes a little longer to lose. I stay home though. I really wouldn't have any desire to balance this with a career though. My husband also has a very demanding job and being the only one doing school drop off/pickup, extra curriculars, appointments, and so on has been pretty tricky. I wouldn't discount the new kind of hard older kids become.
 
@vcs I’m 52 and have a 27 month old, 15 month old and a 3 week old. I also have a 34 year old, 29 year old and 20 year old. I’ve been a teen mom, a 20 something mom, a 30 something mom, 40 something mom and now infants and toddlers in my 50’s!
It’s different at each age, but without a doubt I’m a better mom at 52 than I was at 42 or 32 or 22!
I’m a SAHM. I don’t have any help, but I love it. It’s hard some days, but so worth it.
 
@_%D7%A1%D7%AA I’m 43 with an 11mo and absolutely expected to be the oldest in here! Hats off to you! You give me hope for my dreams of one more 🙂

Mine are 10y, 4y, 2y, and 11mo. I’m tired, but I don’t know a mom of 4 who isn’t. We’re on the fence about one more; it would need to happen soon, though. Each pregnancy/labor/delivery/PP has gotten better/easier, too. I’m also by far a better mom than I was in my early 30s with my first.
 
@vcs I am 39 and have a 5 year old , 3.5 year old and a 6 month old - it is fun - but I am also really tired - it is chaos but also lots of fun
 
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