@imwithgod57 Thank you for sharing so much. Thankfully our girl is gaining weight pretty well. Wow you said it, social media will screw up reality bad! I do think that played apart in wanting a baby so bad. I could be wrong and I do believe “most” women want and have a need to eventually become mothers. I hope she gets help. I will apply pressure as soon thou as possible.
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1 month, wishing you could go back and not have a baby, postpartum thought or worse?
- Thread starter yuliia
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- newborns postpartum life
@yuliia I was in the same situation! I had bad PPD and my son was very colicky and we did not get much sleep. The way the hormones are out of whack does not help. I had the same thoughts of “what the hell did I do?” “My life isn’t going to ever be the same”. What helped was time and my husband was so strong for both of us. Eventually I got my hormones balanced out and got some sleep. The sleeping helped the most. It will get better.
angelbaby777
New member
@yuliia I'm feeling pretty similarly at 1 month, and my husband gors back to work in 2 days which has my anxiety skyrocketing. One thing that has helped my sanity so far is taking a long hot shower every day, thats my me time and I feel so mentally and physically refreshed afterwards it's a little easier to get thru the rest of the day. If you can give her time every day to herself it can make a huge difference! Good luck!
@angelbaby777 I go back to work soon too. We are both very worried about this. She agreed to a nanny twice a week for 5 hours. She’s very private and not excited about a stranger being here but I tell her the trade off is much needed help. I really hope she takes advantage of this.
@yuliia My baby just turned 2 months old today and he has not been easy since day 3. Colics and reflux since the very beginning. I got hospitalized for preeclampsia 6 days pp and my hubby and I were a HOT MESS. The feeling of dread, anxiety and de realization caught me since the day we came home from the hospital and then worsened over time.
I was dreading the day after, especially the night. It is still like that but not as bad. What made the difference is TIME and SUPPORT. Your wife/partner needs to rest to think and feel clearly. So I would suggest that you call someone to split the night shift with or a nighter for a couple of weeks.
I was dreading the day after, especially the night. It is still like that but not as bad. What made the difference is TIME and SUPPORT. Your wife/partner needs to rest to think and feel clearly. So I would suggest that you call someone to split the night shift with or a nighter for a couple of weeks.
@yuliia I was doing and feeling a lot of those same emotions and I have been diagnosed with PPA/PPD
I did therapy for 3 weeks then decided on a medicated route. I couldn't be more in love with our girl now.
Lots of days I hate being a mom because I feel like a big part of my life has changed and will never be the same, and it is easy to fixate on what will never be now that I have another person depending on me, but I really love her so much and I know this wasn't a mistake.
The first couple months are so hard, people down play it even without the PPD but it is genuinely so hard. Routine and habit start to develop around 9-12 weeks so hopefully that offers a light to look forward to. Sleep becomes more regular, feedings can be spaced a bit further apart, the baby tolerates being put down for a moment or so, it slowly eases up on the demand.
I did therapy for 3 weeks then decided on a medicated route. I couldn't be more in love with our girl now.
Lots of days I hate being a mom because I feel like a big part of my life has changed and will never be the same, and it is easy to fixate on what will never be now that I have another person depending on me, but I really love her so much and I know this wasn't a mistake.
The first couple months are so hard, people down play it even without the PPD but it is genuinely so hard. Routine and habit start to develop around 9-12 weeks so hopefully that offers a light to look forward to. Sleep becomes more regular, feedings can be spaced a bit further apart, the baby tolerates being put down for a moment or so, it slowly eases up on the demand.
slugabozji
New member
@yuliia Coming here as an incredibly stubborn person - it sounds like she needs your help and support, and you are a fantastic partner for reaching out to figure out what different avenues your wife might need.
I refused meds, left the hospital before I was ready, and had PPD for months before I got myself out of it. I’d be lying if I said becoming a parent is easy - it’s not! But just you asking what you can do speaks volumes.
You are doing exactly what you should be. Asking for help to get your wife back to her feeling her new “normal”. Props to you!
I wouldn’t leave the house unless I was forced to. Maybe ask if you can all go together as a family to lunch at a busy restaurant where people won’t care about baby noises. Ask if she’d like to have an hour or two out of the house to get her nails done, or to go grab coffee and catch up with friends. If you trust someone to take care of your daughter for 2-3 hours go catch a movie and relax for a little bit by yourselves.
It’s easy to make everything about the baby, but you have to remember that they absolutely need to be a part of your lives - but they don’t necessarily need to be the only part you care about.
As a last suggestion, we scheduled a concert that we were excited to see 4 months after our LO was born. We hired a sitter, had everything arranged and it was a huge turning point because we were so excited. Perhaps scheduling something for a month or two away that you’d (she’d) enjoy and really talk it up! “Hey! Just 2 more weeks until insert here!! that helped me immensely.
TLDR; You’re doing great, things will get easier.
I refused meds, left the hospital before I was ready, and had PPD for months before I got myself out of it. I’d be lying if I said becoming a parent is easy - it’s not! But just you asking what you can do speaks volumes.
You are doing exactly what you should be. Asking for help to get your wife back to her feeling her new “normal”. Props to you!
I wouldn’t leave the house unless I was forced to. Maybe ask if you can all go together as a family to lunch at a busy restaurant where people won’t care about baby noises. Ask if she’d like to have an hour or two out of the house to get her nails done, or to go grab coffee and catch up with friends. If you trust someone to take care of your daughter for 2-3 hours go catch a movie and relax for a little bit by yourselves.
It’s easy to make everything about the baby, but you have to remember that they absolutely need to be a part of your lives - but they don’t necessarily need to be the only part you care about.
As a last suggestion, we scheduled a concert that we were excited to see 4 months after our LO was born. We hired a sitter, had everything arranged and it was a huge turning point because we were so excited. Perhaps scheduling something for a month or two away that you’d (she’d) enjoy and really talk it up! “Hey! Just 2 more weeks until insert here!! that helped me immensely.
TLDR; You’re doing great, things will get easier.
@slugabozji Thank you for the kind words and great advise. Her and a gf are going to see Morgan Wallen in July. She already mentioned how excited she is and how it’s something to look forward to.
@yuliia I haven’t read the comment here yet, but this phase will pass (and I’m sure many comments here would agree). Postpartum depression and anxiety are much more common than we all think but they are not discussed openly. My husband and I tried for years to have our baby, and agree five years we finally had our daughter in September 2023 by way of IVF. When she was finally in the world, I second guessed everything about our choice to have a baby. She cried nonstop. I would cry nonstop, and I’m sure my husband, like you, was more concerned than what he let on. After about six weeks, he basically forced out of the house for a day to get a massage and meet with a friend to just gain some semblance of self again. I did it and even just being away for 4 hours or so, I was able to reset for a moment and realize that I was just really afraid. Afraid of things going wrong, afraid of never getting back to normal…and all these feelings were exacerbated by not a lot of sleep. I came back home and told my husband that I wanted to see a therapist again and he told me he was worried about ppd and ppa but he was worried to bring it up to me because it might hurt my feelings. I know this is equally hard on you both, but for the birthing parent, it’s like your world was just turned upside down. You carry the baby and do everything you can to protect them inside, so when they’re out, it becomes that much more real how little control we have other anything. It can be so scary and debilitating. I just now feel more at ease and at peace with her being four months old. I feel a much stronger connection to her now than earlier on, but I’m also taking Better care of me, too. I stopped breastfeeding and pumping because sleep for me became a nonnegotiable, and if we decide to do it again, I will go straight formula.
My girl is also out of the cries-anytime-she’s-awake phase, too. It lasted until about 9 weeks though.
Hang in there and you sound like a very devoted partner and parent. There is a light at the end of this phase!
My girl is also out of the cries-anytime-she’s-awake phase, too. It lasted until about 9 weeks though.
Hang in there and you sound like a very devoted partner and parent. There is a light at the end of this phase!
bloodclot01
New member
@yuliia After my baby was born, I had issues feeding her. Long story, still bitter, but for the first 5 days I was fine. Just hunky dory. And then everything went crashing down and I couldn't stop crying. I was so frustrated. I felt like a failure. Like I was doing everything wrong. I know fed is best, but it was working and then it wasn't.
Post-partum hormones are an absolute bitch. Once something goes wrong and those negative feeling switch on, it is hard to turn them off. Mine was a minor hiccup. If your wife is feeling this way (with a difficult baby no less) it can super mess with everything. She needs to see her doctor. She might need some meds to help her through this. Sometimes a little medication can go a long way. I don't even wanna think about what I would have gone through if I hadn't already been on Zoloft. (Throughout the pregnancy and afterward).
Tell her that her feelings are valid. It's okay to feel nothing for the baby at first. It is okay. She can feel nothing for it for 6+ months, and it's okay. It's hard, sometimes, to love something that is nothing but a drain on your mental health.
It will get better. It gets better. Eventually, baby starts sleeping more, smiling, pooping less. They know you. They love you. Also, you take care of you, too. Men's mental health post-partum is under researched because of the normal explosion that happens to women. Men need help too.
Also, look up Purple Crying if you haven't. They have great resources to help you through some of those inconsolable screaming fests.
Post-partum hormones are an absolute bitch. Once something goes wrong and those negative feeling switch on, it is hard to turn them off. Mine was a minor hiccup. If your wife is feeling this way (with a difficult baby no less) it can super mess with everything. She needs to see her doctor. She might need some meds to help her through this. Sometimes a little medication can go a long way. I don't even wanna think about what I would have gone through if I hadn't already been on Zoloft. (Throughout the pregnancy and afterward).
Tell her that her feelings are valid. It's okay to feel nothing for the baby at first. It is okay. She can feel nothing for it for 6+ months, and it's okay. It's hard, sometimes, to love something that is nothing but a drain on your mental health.
It will get better. It gets better. Eventually, baby starts sleeping more, smiling, pooping less. They know you. They love you. Also, you take care of you, too. Men's mental health post-partum is under researched because of the normal explosion that happens to women. Men need help too.
Also, look up Purple Crying if you haven't. They have great resources to help you through some of those inconsolable screaming fests.
jesuskidtommy
New member
@yuliia Sounds like your wife is going through postpartum depression. If she doesn't have a therapist already, I recommend reaching out to Postpartum Support International (PSI) https://www.postpartum.net/home/. They have a hotline you can call or text at any time. They also have support groups for both mothers and partners.
betterbibleteachers
New member
@betterbibleteachers What type of doctor?
betterbibleteachers
New member
@betterbibleteachers Pediatricians also have resources!
sarahannxo
New member
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