@yuliia I think this is normal but professional help can always be beneficial. I have anxiety/depression in “regular life” and that first month postpartum was a roller coaster of emotions. I definitely felt the way she felt. My LO is 11 weeks and I don’t feel super anxious or depressed - just exhausted. For me, it seemed like run of the mill baby blues BUT I am on antidepressants and was medicated throughout my pregnancy, so I had a little cushioning. I would suggest counseling, working with a psychiatrist and her OB. Those are all the things I’ve done and they are really helpful. Pregnant/postpartum feels really isolating even though you’re surrounded by people who may have had similar experiences.
1 month, wishing you could go back and not have a baby, postpartum thought or worse?
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servantofchrist27
New member
@yuliia I went through this and the clouds lifted around 6-8weeks. At one point my husband came home from work and I was sobbing next to the crib while the baby cried and just kept saying I didn’t want to be a mother. I’ll never forget how I felt those first few weeks PP. I didn’t want any help either.. it’s so hard to explain. Her hormones are going bananas on top of sleep deprivation. Keep a close eye, support her as much as you can, encourage her to get out and go grab a cup of coffee by herself, go grab takeout for you guys, go on a walk alone, go wander around target etc. If you don’t notice any improvement in a few weeks or if anything real alarming happens, I would try to get her to contact with her OB/GYN to discuss possible PPD/PPA
@servantofchrist27 Wow so sad but same boat. Breaks our hearts to see our wives like this. Thank you for sharing that. We aren’t alone. We aren’t horrible. Thank you.
@yuliia First of all i’m sorry you and your wife are going through this. I have to say your wife sounds like she’s feeling exactly how I felt the first month post partum. Our LO was born last November and the first 2 weeks after were the hardest of my life. I had the same exact thoughts and kept asking my husband if we made a mistake and if our lives were over. On top of it i did not feel bonded to my little boy at all and felt like a horrible mother because of it. I would do anything to protect him and keep him safe but didn’t feel that connection and overwhelming love. A lot of what i think makes it worse is definitely the lack of sleep for sure. What finally helped me was at one of my post natal check ups I got flagged for PPD based on the scoring on the survey they have us take and they put me on Zoloft. My husband was also wonderful and took on the nights fully so i could catch up on sleep. I still had trouble sleeping though due to the guilt of my husband taking over and also i just always had anxiety.
Your wife is lucky have you and you sound like you’re doing whatever you can do be the support she needs. I wasn’t able to find a therapist in time (everything was booked out for months with my insurance) but after the zoloft kicked in (took about a week or 2 until i noticed a difference) things got way better.
It also helped that our baby got a littler easier (meaning we got better at understanding him and his cues) and why he cries so I felt more in control. He also started coo-ing and stuff which helped feel less like i’m in ground hog day with this little screaming and crying potato.
I’m not sure if your wife is open to medication but if she is, it’s definitely worth a shot and then in combination with therapy.
Hang in there and I hope your wife feels better and back to normal soon
Your wife is lucky have you and you sound like you’re doing whatever you can do be the support she needs. I wasn’t able to find a therapist in time (everything was booked out for months with my insurance) but after the zoloft kicked in (took about a week or 2 until i noticed a difference) things got way better.
It also helped that our baby got a littler easier (meaning we got better at understanding him and his cues) and why he cries so I felt more in control. He also started coo-ing and stuff which helped feel less like i’m in ground hog day with this little screaming and crying potato.
I’m not sure if your wife is open to medication but if she is, it’s definitely worth a shot and then in combination with therapy.
Hang in there and I hope your wife feels better and back to normal soon
stewlincoln
New member
@yuliia Hey, this is 100 percent PPD and although scary, unfortunately extremely common. I was like your wife for the first 8-10 weeks. I’m 6 months post partum now and 90 percent back to myself. Sleep deprivation, stress of a newborn and the insane hormone roller coaster is a recipe for disaster. I probably didn’t connect with my baby until 8 ish weeks. Cried every single day (multiple days) for 2 months. Help is available and medication is life-saving. My bub also scream cried a lot in those early weeks, it does get better and easier - I promise! For me, her crying eased off around 7 weeks and she got happier and more chatty and smiley and fun.
@stewlincoln Thank you for the words of encouragement! We seven is right around the corner, three more weeks.
ready4rapture
New member
@ready4rapture Thank you 
wonderingstranger
New member
@yuliia Newborn stage is soooo hard. I’m a FTM to a 9 week old…it’s so hard! I’ve had infertility for years and wanted a child so badly…And now that I’m here, I’ve had these kind of thoughts too sometimes. I’ve had some rough moments where I asked myself: what have I done? I do love my baby so much…but your life changes completely and it’s really hard work to take care of a newborn.
She might have some PPD as well…
I suggest that you both create opportunities to take a break from time to time- for both of you. Take the baby from her and spend some time with the baby so that you let her have 1 hour break from time to time to do some things she enjoys like a bath or going outside etc. She’ll come replenished…And have a sense that maybe a fraction of her former life is still here.
She might have some PPD as well…
I suggest that you both create opportunities to take a break from time to time- for both of you. Take the baby from her and spend some time with the baby so that you let her have 1 hour break from time to time to do some things she enjoys like a bath or going outside etc. She’ll come replenished…And have a sense that maybe a fraction of her former life is still here.
@wonderingstranger Great advice. Thank you however I do handle the baby mostly now. Worried about when I go back to work and so is she. She begged me not to but I have to eventually. We’ll see how it goes when we get there. All we can do.
thisguynamednick
New member
@yuliia I mean it’s not normal but it happens! I went through the same thing for 3 months (the entire 4th trimester). I would think about leaving him in the crib and just leaving the house and never coming back. But having support really helped me. I found a group of mothers and learned that everything that’s happening (all the crying, the gasses, etc) is normal and that it resolves very quickly! Plus after 3 months is when your baby really starts becoming interactive. And then all becomes worth it.
@thisguynamednick Thank you for sharing. Cannot wait for the 3 month mark. Only 2 more.
thisguynamednick
New member
carolineisland
New member
@yuliia I cried a lot during the first 6 weeks, told my husband I didn’t think I loved our baby, that I was sick of Groundhog Day, and that I ruined our lives having a baby. After 6 weeks he started to smile, basically has babbling conversations with me, and is enjoying tummy time. We’re at 11 weeks now, he is vaccinated, and we’re getting out of the house a bit. I’m enjoying this now, finally, and have to go back to work soon! Ugh. So basically, it gets better. Best thing you can do is support her and help her get as much sleep as possible. My husband would tell me that he understands the feelings I’m having and that we’ll get through this. It was so helpful. He also takes some of the night feedings as we work in shifts, our baby is formula fed. That is a game changer as well. So basically… the first weeks are hell on earth, but it gets better.
@carolineisland Thank you
@yuliia I have a 6 week old, and question myself every. Damn. Day. I melt down, think he hates me, resent myself, and when he cries I feel like I never should have done this. But the past week or 2 he's started smiling and giggling, giving us those coos and ahhhs. It's all worth it once you hear those, and they start showing that personality. My mom told me she did not feel attached to me for awhile but I assure you she was a great, strong mom and raised a woman who became a doctor, made lifelomg friends, and is in a successful marriage.
The sleep deprivation makes it horrid, and being a mom doesn't come naturally. My husband does the research 90% of the time, and I feel awful for being EXCITED to go back to work but IT IS OKAY to mourne your pre-baby life/body/relationship. People want a baby but no one was born to be a parent. You're both learning and you'll get through this rough patch. Right now it just may feel like you won't.
Just know that 6 week mark is a huge turning point. But in the meantime, search for a therapist, contact the OB, get help, and maybe do not leave her alone until it's addressed. Also know that no baby ever died from crying. If it's too much, put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes. Hire a babysitter for a few hours so she can be a woman again and not just a mom.
The sleep deprivation makes it horrid, and being a mom doesn't come naturally. My husband does the research 90% of the time, and I feel awful for being EXCITED to go back to work but IT IS OKAY to mourne your pre-baby life/body/relationship. People want a baby but no one was born to be a parent. You're both learning and you'll get through this rough patch. Right now it just may feel like you won't.
Just know that 6 week mark is a huge turning point. But in the meantime, search for a therapist, contact the OB, get help, and maybe do not leave her alone until it's addressed. Also know that no baby ever died from crying. If it's too much, put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes. Hire a babysitter for a few hours so she can be a woman again and not just a mom.
jeffxotsego
New member
@yuliia I struggled a lot with my lo they first couple months between colic and him refusing to sleep during the day then screaming from being over tired. Here are some things that helped us. We gave 4 oz every 3 to4 hours in the beginning to help him sleep longer. This was done with formula mixed with breast milk when I made enough. I tried my best to breast feed but focused more on him just being feed. If she doesn't sleep she can't produce milk. I mostly pumped what I could during this time but always tried to latch baby for a little bit. If it didn't happen it didn't happen. I just gave him bottle. We switched formulas because of bad gas build up. Also we used somethicon drops mixed in th bottles and through out day as needed.gripe water for when hiccups got bad. Sitting up after feeding. Try laying down with legs up and place baby in lap while feeding. This helps the food go down. Lots of tummy time and we found car rides helped sooth baby. Go together if you can incase baby is also hungry. Watch for those sleepy cues. Baby becomes monster when they are over tired. When in doubt try both of you taking a blanket place baby inside like hammock and then swinging lo back and forth gently to sooth to sleep. Sometimes you just have to out patient them when it comes to getting to sleep. I have to swaddle my lo in a specific blanket and cover his eyes with another blanket. He has a serious case of fomo, then rock or hold pacifier in mouth on and off for 20 minutes till I can get up. Oh also if you can get a sound machine and ceiling light projector that helps at night.
If you have any questions feel free to dm me.
I know it's hard and it's OK not to feel connected to the tiny thing in your house that changed you whole life.whats important is that you love them and don't hurt them.
They love you so much and they get so scared.
Right now they have no clue they are a separate person from mom. They don't really wake up to the world till 3 months.
If you have any questions feel free to dm me.
I know it's hard and it's OK not to feel connected to the tiny thing in your house that changed you whole life.whats important is that you love them and don't hurt them.
They love you so much and they get so scared.
Right now they have no clue they are a separate person from mom. They don't really wake up to the world till 3 months.