1 month, wishing you could go back and not have a baby, postpartum thought or worse?

[yuliia]

@jfairchild Great tip. Thank you very much.

 

[puckharist]

@yuliia Sounds like PPD. You should consult a therapist.

 

[dichthuatsaigon]

@puckharist Or just her obgyn. They should do a screening at her 6-week postpartum visit anyway.

 

[christianwife1]

@yuliia this is very normal. she needs a therapist and psychiatrist that specialize in ppd.

it will get much, much better.

this baby stage is a special kind of hell.

 

[yuliia]

@christianwife1 Haha. Thank you so much.

 

[pragyana]

@yuliia Please dont wait to get her help. PPD can escalate and become harder to treat. My mother had it and went untreated and it progressed to postpartum psychosis. It never had to get that bad.

 

[d33smth]

@pragyana Agreed. My stepmom became a nonfunctioning alcoholic for a while due to untreated PPD. It nearly destroyed the family. So please get treatment asap!

 

[yuliia]

@pragyana Okay thank you.

 

[19john54]

@yuliia One of the tips that stuck from my prenatal course before I had my baby was a message for both partners during pregnancy and postpartum: trust your gut.

OP, you know your wife better than anyone. If you think these are warning signs, they might be just that. It is worth having a discussion with her. Approach it with compassion, of course, but if she does have signs of PPD it’s important to seek help asap.

It does get easier. Not all babies are on the same timeline, but one day your baby is going to wake up less mad at the world, and the scream crying will start to become a distant memory. Hang in there. It sounds like you are super supportive of your wife, and that’s what she needs right now so you’re doing the right things. Reassure her that it will get better and that no mistake was made. Your baby is meant to be here!

 

[yuliia]

@19john54 Ahh thank you so much. I have been talking to her. She’s a bit stubborn but I think she will agree to help soon. No other option.

 

[dalmasy]

@yuliia I feel this!!! I was stubborn too! I thought it meant I was a failure as a mom if I needed help, and I kept thinking it would just get better, which made things worse because I would just keep spiraling. All of these thoughts and I had already been seeing a therapist once a week for years!! There is zero shame in getting help!! Once I started talking to new moms about my struggles, I realized every single one of them had similar struggles. Does she have any new moms she can talk to? Perhaps that will help her see this is common, and she'd be more open to help.

 

[yuliia]

@dalmasy One of her very best friends had a baby 3 wks before her. They talk. Not sure how open she is about everything but at least it’s something. I think she needs more help than that. And I hope she reaches out soon.

 

[dalmasy]

@yuliia I agree that she needs more help than that. I was hoping her friends would be open about experiencing something similar and then she'd be more open to seeking help. When I started asking friends almost all of them experienced something similar and more than half of them sought help. My cousin wished she'd been more open about talking about it and sought help sooner.

 

[precursor]

@yuliia I think we have all had that thought, especially on the harder days. But that feeling when your child lights up the second they see you and come running to give you a hug. and then that moment when you have a second one and your first shoes the second so much love. That’s when we knew that having it two daughters was a right choice

 

[barrett1]

@precursor 100% the moment they smile it makes everything worth it!

 

[bloodclot01]

@barrett1 I don't wanna be a nay-sayer, but some people don't get that feeling the first time. And that's okay too! If it takes months beyond the 'norm' you are okay.

Ignore the people who say it's instant love as soon as you hold baby. Everyone has their own pace. You're gonna be okay!

 

[confusedbuthopeful]

@yuliia Just to bring a little levity into the convo, yesterday literally was Groundhog Day

Sending love to you OP. It will get better

 

[yuliia]

@confusedbuthopeful Lol thank you!

 

[onguso]

@yuliia OP, I am a FTM of a 3 month old.

Your wife having doubts and crying for any reason was me not long ago.

I wish cried more to be honest. I felt like I had to get it together because I was a mom now.

Felt more like a caretaker around this time. It was brutal and my husband, just like you, really helped me get it together. He actually got counseling a couple times.

The endless list of things you now have to tend to plus sleep deprivation, it’s a lot.

Around 8 weeks is when I began to appreciate my baby.

You both just experienced a life-changing event.

In the next couple of months, things will improve. The baby will still be running the show but you’ll be on the other side having made it. You’ll both look back and laugh-cry a little.

This is so hard, try to stay in the moment, and take it one day at a time because this is a just a blip. You guys got this, I promise.

 

[yuliia]

@onguso Cannot wait to laugh-cry. Thank you so much. We are not alone.