1.5 hr Commute 1x a week

[smart2773]

@katrina2017 It's 50/50 honestly. Sometimes I don't mind it, and then I'll have days where it's the absolute worst. One day last week, there was an accident, I had a cranking headache and it took my 2.5 hours to get home. Mine also pays well, I have a lot of opportunities to climb the ladder if I want, so I'm just dealing with it right now.

 

[robert77]

@naila

my husband thinks the commute is a non- starter.

Does your husband think this way because he will have to be the one to get the LOs up, fed and off to daycare and pick them up? And if so, is it that his work schedule would make it difficult or that he just doesn't want to be the responsible parent for one day a week?

I live in a large town, but my commute to anywhere only ranges from about 20 - 45 minutes depending on where I'm going so 1.5 hours seems like a long way. I would definitely want some kind of assurance that the 1 day a week was pretty set in stone before I made the leap.

 

[naila]

@robert77 Yeah I think he isn’t as sure footed about being the single parent for basically 24 hrs- but this would feet to the fire force him

 

[robert77]

@naila Yes girl! My husband was a seasoned father when I met him. His kids were 5 and 8 and he had been divorced from their mom for 5 years so he knew how to solo parent on his parenting time. Then enter me and my teenaged child. I just sort of folded his kids into our daily routine and he was able to step back a little and I quickly realized he was expecting me to do all the heavy lifting for his kids and I had to slam the breaks on that nonsense. LOL. Well, I didn't so much slam on the breaks as slowly start sending the kids back to him for this thing or for that thing until we were back on equal footing. Then our LO came along and again ... Mom does the heavy lifting while all dad has to do every morning is wake up, poop, get dressed, brush his teeth and head out the door. So here I go again .... go see if Daddy can help you with X. Go ask Daddy Z. "Hey hon, I have to go meet Sally from work to go over a presentation we are giving tomorrow so I need you to take care of the LO for a few hours. K, bye!" and so on.

If you really only have to make the drive 1 day a week, just give him a pat on the butt and a seductive wink and tell him "I know you can handle it for one day a week stud." and he'll be fine. Maybe have everything set out and ready to go for him the first couple of weeks, but after that, he should be good to handle it all on his own.

 

[seal87]

@naila I hate commutes, but for 40% more money? Once a week is worth it. The kids will be fine. Think positively about the commute as "you time". Listen to audiobooks and podcasts or just your favorite music and not Kidzbop or that prog rock garbage the husband always puts on in the car....

.... sorry, just went down a personal tangent.

Anyway, yes worth it!

 

[naila]

@seal87 Yes! Give my brain a break from frozen on repeat in the car

 

[joshuasamuelquiroz]

@naila 1 day a week: yes.

I am currently commuting 1.5 hours each way 3 days a week...we will be moving in 3 months closer to my job but in the mean time I'm driving. I will admit that 3 days is way too much. But one day. Thats a 3 hour vacation each week. Get audiobooks, podcasts, silence. THE DREAM.

I will also add, I can do this because my husband is super supportive and does not complain about the extra parenting he picks up on those day....I mean, me taking this job means he can quit his in 3 months lol, he is hyped. I think who your partner is will play into it. Since he already says its a non-starter I would make sure he was on board picking up the slack that day.

 

[bbarb]

@naila Definitely worth it. It’s one long day per week.

Please don’t give your husband’s opinion too much weight. This is about YOUR career.

 

[luvnfaith]

@naila Do you work from home and can get the three hours back with your kids a different day? Nurses work 12 hour shifts and id think of it like that. This is mommy’s big work day so you get to hang out with grandma and grandpa or daddy all day. Something so they miss you less and have their own little special day also

 

[tictacx]

@naila lol that's how long my regular commute is. I go in 3x a week. That's life.

 

[crosstic]

@tictacx Same

 

[naila]

@crosstic You are rock stars for making it work!!

 

[danyyyy101]

@naila once a week, yes. Husband needs to step up on that day.

 

[levijess]

@naila For once a week I would take it

 

[limeleaf]

@naila I do it every few weeks, not every week and it's hard mainly due to daycare.pick up and drop offs. If I could work extending hours one day a week and turn that 1.5-2 hr commute into an extra productive extra long day that would allow me more flexibility the rest of the week I'd be all for it. But my husband's job is 12-15 he days with no flexibility so I have to do drop offs and pick up for daycare which means when I'm in the office I can literally only stay 5 hours with 3.5 hours of commuting which doesn't feel worth it at all. If your in a situation when you aren't limited by daycare or you can add a babysitter to cover pick ups that it could very easily work. Other thing it consider is your back up plan in case a kid needs to be pick up mid day. I'm being honest, right now we don't have one and if the kids needs to picked up mid day it would be a big issue with me being up to 2 hrs away and daycare requiring pick up in 1.hr or less. But we have no family locally that can help so we're sorta stuck with hoping it doesn't happen.

 

[naila]

@limeleaf This is a great point especially on mid day picks up and back up plans!

 

[toviah]

@naila I would absolutely do it. I have a 2 yo and commute 2 hrs total every day of the week. It's tough. I miss mornings with my little one and feel like I never have enough time in the evenings. But my husband has gotten so much more bonding time with little boy and it's been fantastic for their relationship. I'm semi-actively looking for positions closer to home because this commute is unsustainable, but I love my work. If I only had to do it once per week, I would absolutely do it, especially for a 40% raise, but only with an iron-clad guarantee that it would never be more than 1 day per week.

 

[daddylopez1963]

@naila If it helps to reframe it, I work in an alternate city several times per month. Depending which city I’m in that day, I can be in the car 4hrs in a day or up to 8hrs! It certainly is not my favorite but as you’ve mentioned, there are trade offs (salary, flexibility, career advancement, etc). Perhaps you and your husband could think of it as a “travel” job that requires one long day per week, since you will be pretty absent on that day? If you think of it that way, does it feel doable or not?

For reference, I have a 2.5y and 4.5y. I’ve been doing this for 4mo now (and some of it with longer travel) and it has been working out fine, even great! We have benefited a lot from the other trade offs and while those days are long for my husband, they are worth it for us.

 

[june1997]

@naila Once a week would be fine. I was on that schedule with a 1.5 hour commute and it was great...until the requirement changed to 50% in office last summer. I am now in a new job, because that was too much. That's the caveat - I wouldn't trust an assurance that the current policy won't change.

 

[duke845]

@naila I do it up to the three times a week but only because 43 minutes each way are on the train. I also just can’t be in the office 8-5 on those days, school gates don’t open till 7:40am and I have to pick up the kids by 6 at after school. But it was definitely worth the 50% pay bump I got