“we weren’t even trying!”

[tasrine]

@katrina2017 Good idea! I did get the vitamins by the way!

 

[katrina2017]

@forgivenchildofgod Yesss I have a good friend that on her 4th pregnancy she was telling everyone it was a surprise. I was like girl… seriously? It turns out she was using a diaphragm (not very high success rates of preventing conception) and it didn’t always stay in place. In her case though, I think her husband kept getting her pregnant every two years so she wouldn’t leave him. After a MMC on her 5th pregnancy, she left.

 

[christian90]

@amyamelia

without their husbands even knowing

I feel like this should be an actual crime. Like, if a dude pokes holes in a condom, that’s a crime, yes? How is purposely getting pregnant without telling him any different?

 

[amyamelia]

@christian90 It’s not! It’s literally called reproductive cohesion and I’m pretty sure is illegal. I’ve had a really hard time maintaining my friendship w a friend who has admitted to it.

 

[gramm15]

@amyamelia Technically, I conceive really really easily. Four miscarriages in 11 months. We discovered my husband has a genetic condition called balanced translocation that caused them. Had to do IVF.

 

[golfer1111]

@amyamelia To your question, all of my friends got pregnant on the 1st-4th try! Most of them started trying after us and we are now on cycle 13 with an RE. I completely feel your pain and it sent me spiraling. I’ve accepted it now but it still stings when all we talk about as a group is babies, pregnancy, birth stories, etc. You’re definitely not alone but it can definitely feel that way in day to day life! Rant away

 

[amyamelia]

@golfer1111 I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. It’s one thing to have difficultly conceiving, but another when everyone around you has no problem. I know that it’s “normal” to take a year, but when that isn’t the “norm” for the friends around me, it makes it so much harder.

 

[golfer1111]

@amyamelia Same to you and exactly! My husband keeps saying it’s normal to take at least a year and it doesn’t make me feel better being the only infertile couple in a group of 12 people

 

[amyamelia]

@golfer1111 I totally feel you. I hope you get your positive soon

 

[golfer1111]

@amyamelia You too!!

 

[stagdoe]

@amyamelia I know people on both spectrums. Secretly planning a pregnancy behind your SO’s back is wild though or telling people it was a surprise when it was really planned?! Absolutely not. Just say you planned it? It’s not that wild I’m also now on both spectrums. I got pregnant 3 cycles after getting off birth control and my husband and I had just agreed that we’d start trying and surprise, I was already pregnant for that conversation and didn’t know because I wasn’t tracking my cycles and was told it could take a few cycles to regulate your hormones back out. Now for baby #2 we’re at the point where we’re getting fertility doctors involved. I think my POV is different as far as those who say “oh I didn’t even have to try!” because I’ve been there so it doesn’t bother me and in this current phase of life I easily identify with those on the struggle bus. It’s all about perspective I guess but those actively stretching the truth are silly gooses….

 

[naexx]

@amyamelia I had a suprise pregnancy, ended at 6 weeks though and now I’m trying I feel like it’s not happening. This whole journey is so difficult. My heart goes out to everyone TTC.

 

[amyamelia]

@naexx

 

[d33smth]

@naexx Same thing happened to me! Complete surprise as I was tracking ovulation to avoid pregnancy. But my tracker was dead wrong I guess.
Now, two years later, was diagnosed with severe endometriosis and will probably have to do IVF. It’s just wild.

 

[andres1995]

@amyamelia I am one of those ones who conceived the second try and now am on year 4 of secondary infertility. You never know what hand life will deal you. It is giving me a whole different experience/perspective this time.

I can’t imagine “accidentally” getting pregnant anymore. It is all so calculated and scientific now.

 

[amyamelia]

@andres1995 Completely agree. So scientific.

 

[sisi]

@amyamelia The part I don’t understand is how it implies people think it is preferable to have an unplanned pregnancy. There are entire public health campaigns devoted to trying to lower the number of unplanned pregnancies. As a kid I remember feeling sorry for my cousin after hearing she was not planned. I just don’t get why people think it’s a good thing.

 

[amyamelia]

@sisi I’ve come to think I honestly think women like to say “it was unplanned” or a “surprise” bc somehow fertility is the essence of womanhood or some bullshit like that? I dunno but it’s so ridiculous.

 

[sisi]

@amyamelia Yeah but having an unplanned pregnancy doesn’t actually imply you are more fertile than others. Saying you conceived first try, okay, but usually people who have unplanned pregnancies have been either going unprotected for a while or have been using contraception inconsistently. So there were likely lots of times they could’ve gotten pregnant but didn’t. Also fertility is half male. It’s just a weird thing to actually lie about when it’s kind of embarrassing if true.

 

[amyamelia]

@sisi I agree with you. I unfortunately just don’t think people see it that way. I have a friend who “accidentally” got pregnant -and the amount of friends / friends of friends we were hanging out with who have said, “wow she must be so fertile!” made me want to puke. Her boyfriend literally even said, “it’s so ironic the month I went organic and started eating healthy I knocked her up!” I still cringe thinking about that comment.